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kanolan · Feb 28, 2006, 08:51 AM

My boyfriend of 1.5 years just told me he is deciding whether to dump me. We are graduating college this year and were planning on going to grad school next year and live together, etc. I'm in so much pain, this decision is taking weeks and it is draining me of everything- I can't eat sleep or study. Help!:eek:

fredg · Feb 28, 2006, 08:57 AM

Hi, Kanolan,
Welcome to this site, and thanks for asking a question here. I am sure you will get many answers.
When in college, and at 20 yrs old (I am now 64), I received a "Dear John" letter from my High school sweetheart. She was going to another college. I had been in love with her for 3 years, and thought we were to eventually be engaged after finishing college. Didn't happen!
It took me a year to "get over" her, but to this day, still remember the good times we had together that many years ago. I am now married for 29 yrs.
It's really rough, to lose some you love. What eventually helped me the most was to meet other girls, and talk with them... going to College dances, etc.
When I received that letter, I though my whole world was gone, and didn't know what to do. I did, eventually, live through it.
What you are going though is normal. Just try doing the best you can, and please believe me, it will get better. If he has doubts about the relationship, now is the time to find out... not later.

phillysteakandcheese · Feb 28, 2006, 12:03 PM

I can't believe you are pining over this guy! If he has to decide whether to keep you, he is not ready for any kind of long term commitment to you!

Let's say he decides he's going to keep you – this time. Are you okay with that – until next time??
This is a game of yo-yo that will keep you miserable.

I am sure he was great for the year and a half you were together, but now you need to let him go. You need your space and time to explore your life. Be open to other people and opportunities around you.

If you two really do have a true love between you, your paths will cross again and your love will be stronger from understanding the absence.

Wildcat21 · Feb 28, 2006, 03:17 PM

I'd DUMP him NOW!! My god - you're going to let this joker dictate how you feel?? This is a form of abuse.

Move on. Plenty of other guys. WHY on earth would you waste another second wioth this guy??

He's trying to decide?? DECIDE for him! What is he god??

Your answer is already there.

jeffatl · Feb 28, 2006, 03:34 PM

Seriously, if someone I was going out with told me that I would drop them in a heart beat. WAKE UP! This guy is a real piece of work...

Wildcat21 · Feb 28, 2006, 03:55 PM

I'd would say immediately - "If you feel that way - there is no reason to continue" - and there isn't. He has such strong feelings for you that he does this?? MOVE ON PLEASE!!

He is messing with your brain. Again - this is abuse. Has used any other mental abuse on you? It's mental abuse that makes you feel that way.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 28, 2006, 04:07 PM

I am sorry that is really stupid on his part, if he said dear we are having some problems we need to work out. But if he has "thouights" that he wants someone else. You and him need to sit down and have a long deep talk.

People just don't tell the person they are in love with that they may or may not "dump" them. You need to find out his problem and help him deal with it.

Wildcat21 · Feb 28, 2006, 04:38 PM

He is a very imature jerk.

momincali · Feb 28, 2006, 05:48 PM

Wow! I can understand the pain of losing what you once had with this guy, but you've mourned his loss (yep, he's out of here) too long already. Move on and if the door hits him in the a** on the way out, oh well...

How could you seriously consider wasting another minute on this termite. Everyone has their problems, and yes, if the relationship comes to a point where you know it's not going to go any further, then lovingly let that person know and move on, BUT THIS! To tell you he's "deciding whether or not to dump you..." what an insensitive MAROON!

Never, l mean never, let anyone tell you that to your face and walk away leaving you hanging. Demonstrate your self-worth and self-respect to yourself and others will see it also. Don't take his calls, emails, nothing! If he's not committing after 1 1/2 years, then more than likely, he's not the one for you. Don't look back, there's too much ahead waiting for you!!

CaptainForest · Feb 28, 2006, 05:51 PM

I agree with the others. Dump him.

If he has to decide whether to stay with you or not after 1.5 yrs, then you should dump HIM.

Don't even give him the chance, you tell him it's over.

Wildcat21 · Mar 1, 2006, 08:29 AM

Yep, open the dictionary to the workd 'jerk' - his picture will be there. Lose this guy now before he causes you massive amounts of more pain and hurt - because this is A LOT more coming with this loser.

What's his next ultimatum going to be?? I have never heard more of jackass comment to a significant other in my life - and I have study this a lot.

"I am deciding if I am goin gto dump you" - Maybe in 4th grade.

Chery · Mar 4, 2006, 08:25 AM

Welcome to the forum. Sorry to read about your sorrow and pain. Just know one thing - you are not alone. We all go through this, some invest a few months, some even 8 years, and the next day - it's like a stab in the heart and turned twice.

You need to start collecting yourself now, and even though it hurts, the need to think about YOU and your survival should be first and foremost. Make sure that no one person is the center of your universe, and go even stronger toward your goals for the future and self-respect.

Whether you two ever get back together or not, it should be your independence that you work toward at this time - it will also help you keep your mind off self-destruction and self-pity. So, start eating, hit those books, and think about your future goals. Again, we all go through this, men and women, and we do survive. Some of us take more time to heal, but you eventually will, I promise.

Until then, whenever you need someone to talk to, know that we are here 24/7 with open ears and heart. So, you can reflect and let it all out here, or write a journal and let it help clear your head and make you stronger from now on.

Good luck dear, and go out and talk to new people, make new friends, what will happen from there on is up to you. Keep us posted.

If a guy cannot respect you enough to be up-front after so long, he's not worth your valuable time or energy.

stephsadvice · Mar 4, 2006, 01:01 PM

Are you a dog or a pet that he has to decide if he is going to keep you. You are a person with feelings and a heart you deserve better than him. If you really love him sit down with him and tell him how you feel. Love and your feelings are not a game. If he wants you then let him say it to you and reasure you that its not a joke and cut the crap. Let this be the last time he plays with your feelings your not a board game. If not and he isn't going to love you for who you are then there are "plenty of fish is the sea ;) ".

talaniman · Mar 4, 2006, 02:23 PM

If you think your miserable now just marry this guy and you will find out how much worse it can get. You've invested too much into this to be cast off like yesterdays garbage. Is this the guy you want to have raising your kids?I certainly hope not. It will hurt like hell at first but if you just love yourself you can put distance between yourself and this jerk. Better a little heartbreak now than misery and pain or worse later.:cool: