[Luv_My_Reece]

My brother and his wife are foster parents to two little girls 5 and 9. Origionally he wanted to adopt them, the problem is both girls are out of control and they lie and break everything and tear wallpaper down and now my nephew is starting to act like them. We all have become attached to these girls but he can't keep them if they continue to act this way. These are two very emotionally scared kids. They have been abused in every way possible and we all love them and would hate to give them up and hurt them even more. I would keep them but I'm not old enough to adopt or even foster. Does anyone know what we can do to get them to behave? They go to counceling and start school and daycare in a week so we keep hoping it will get better but when his fostering time is up he'll have to decide whether or not to keep them, what can we do? I love these girls and I don't want to lose them. They even call my brother daddy now.:confused:

[LUNAGODDESS]

The sadness of the situation is that there are children in foster care... foster care is one of the most seemly uncaring systems in the American society... it is so unique to find people like your family that see children at risk... and see them as children that need to be cared for and loved and cherish and respected... counseling for at risk children is available... contact the American Medical Association and also it's psychological association... this will take time... if you love whomever you love take the time to save a life... good luck...

[shygrneyzs]

Have the children been psychologically evaluated by a behavior management specialist? Someone who specializes in "at-risk" children. There may be more going on than pure behavior - maybe something physiological. My (now ex) husband and I fostered an at-risk child for two years. He came to us when he was 9. We adopted him when he was 11. Yes, many of the problems have gotten better and sadly, many have not. But I keep trying. I also hope your brother and his family take enough time to care for themselves - being a full time caregiver/parent takes its toll on health - both emotional and physical.

Good luck!

[loobiloo]

Fostering and adoption are so different in england .Iam a social worker and foster too. Children in foster care would not be put up for addoption if there was behavior problems like this until all the children's issues had been sorted out if possible .Its highly likely the placement would break down .do the children have play therapy with a trained specialist who would also show your brother how to do therapy with the little girls too.does your brother have house rules and set firm boundaries ,some children respond better to firm boundaries . It takes two years in this country to get through the adoption prosses and many withdraw their application during this time .Your brother must be sure this is what he wants to do and I wish him and the little girls all the best

[Taneshia]

Being a foster parent is a huge responsibility. What some people have to understand is that these are children that are looking for homes. Not dogs or cats off the street. A lot of people just GIVE them back when they have problems. Some people have to understand that most children in foster care have either been abused, neglected, or just treated unfairly. They have been from home to home because nobody wanted to keep them so they act out to hurry the process along. I am sorry that this is happening to your brother and his wife. Sounds like they are really trying, but the only thing they really can do BESIDES GIVING THEM BACK is become a strong firm backbone for these girls. Do some fun activities with these girls. They will break things, they are being kids. Now if they are breaking things just because then maybe it's time for a time out. Just don't give them back to the system. That will be repeating the cycle all over again.