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vince123 · Jan 4, 2010, 09:19 AM

I don't know what to do about my 19 year old daughter and need advice. She went out with a guy for 5 weeks and then he went abroad to work for the summer, she rang him constantly while he was away, running up a £400 mobile bill. When he came back they met up and he was okay for a couple of days then started letting her down and being nasty to her. One night when she was out with friends she bumped into him, he said he wanted to talk, took her to a car park and started hitting her and forcing her to do a sex act on him. She ran away eventually and rang me and I went to get her. She was really upset and was unable to work for a week or so. Her friends were very supportive and we encouraged her to report him to the police, which she did, but she wiouldn't take it any further. Now she is seeing hima gain, all of her friends have warned her off him and some are refusing to speak to her, they feel they supported her and she's thrown it back in their faces by going back with him. I have warned her that he will do it again and we are now having massive rows about it as she refuses to stop seeing him. Previously we got on really well. Don't know what to do.

FadedMaster · Jan 4, 2010, 10:21 AM

That's definitely a tricky situation to be in. I agree with her friends of course. She definitely is making a mistake going back to him. The best I can think to do would just to keep reminding her of the mistake she is making and hope that she changes her mind.

Unfortunately, you cannot force her to make the right decision. I sincerely hope that your daughter opens her eyes, and that she opens her ears and listens to you and her friends.

cdad · Jan 4, 2010, 03:56 PM

Right now the best and only thing you can do is monitor the situation. Some girls at young ages are attracted to "bad" guys. They don't know any better and end up with regrets. If he does hit her again are you allowed to report it ? In the U.S. you would be allowed to reort domestic violence if you see it or hear it and somebody goes to jail. She may hate you for doing it but its in her best interest.

vince123 · Jan 6, 2010, 03:48 AM

Thanks to both of you for taking the time and trouble to answer. I do remind her of the state she was in when she came home that night, but she seems to have blanked it out of her mind. Will find out if I can report him, but for now will continue to monitor. Just hope she grows out of the bad boy phase before he seriously injures her. Just so worried and can't sleep.

HistorianChick · Jan 6, 2010, 07:13 AM

Oh boy, I'm so sorry about all of this! It must be a terrible heartache and worry on your mind.

All I can advise you to do is what the prior posters have said an be there for her and remind her of where she was not too long ago.

She has to know that you are there for her when he crosses the line again. It is a tricky line, because you're not supporting her decision, but you're going to be there when she needs you.

Definitely find out if the report that she made has any reprecussions if she is near him again. You may be able to report it and, I don't know, take out a restraining order? I'm not sure how these things work, but I'd go down to the police station and talk to the officers. Sometimes, if you put a report on record, when the offender does something in the future, they can act because it has been officially recorded.

She needs you now more than ever.

The Dark09 · Jan 6, 2010, 11:06 AM

I know I'm a sixteen year-old but, sir the same happened to my cousin and she pressed a restraining order on her ex, and he wasn't allowed to come within 500 ft of her. But talk to him, but mostly his parents, give her something to defend herself with.

tucker1818 · Jan 24, 2010, 06:29 PM

I have been beaten boyfriends. Its hard and I know how hard it was for my dad. Because I lied for awhile about it. But my Father beat me when I was young and my mother so he really didn't feel angrey with it and my mom passed away. My best bet would be to tell Her that he won't change. Cause if he's already 19 or older chances are he won't. You could also rat on him my friends did my Boyfriend and he got put in jail, Sure I was a little mad but it did open my eyes. Then My other Boyfriend who did my brother kicked his butt. Just ask her if he's beating you know how much longer till he brakes your arm or leg or even sadly kills you. She can't just take it..

Eclipse1220 · Feb 4, 2010, 07:42 AM

OK I agree with tucker1818 until this line:

Just ask her if hes beating you know how much longer till he brakes your arm or leg or even sadly kills you. She can't just take it..

I don't understand what you are saying in that line.

BabiixG · Feb 4, 2010, 11:22 AM

Originally Posted by Eclipse1220

OK I agree with tucker1818 until this line:

Just ask her if hes beating you know how much longer till he brakes your arm or leg or even sadly kills you. She can't just take it..

I don't understand what you are saying in that line.

She's saying how much longer until the abuse get worse and he starts breaking bones in her body or eventually killing her?