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    DoYouRealliMeanThat's Avatar
    DoYouRealliMeanThat Posts: 53, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Sep 21, 2007, 11:55 AM
    I Miss Him So Much
    Within a week ago my friend committed suiside. Im finding it really hard because we got along so well.
    A few months ago he said to my cousin he fancied me and I never really took much notice of it and we never talked about it or anything but as soon as he's gone I start to really like him.
    Its true when they say you don't know what you have when its gone but I just want to know if theirs anything to make me move on.
    There is never a day I don't think about him even if I'm out with friends. It hurts so bad :(
    GlindaofOz's Avatar
    GlindaofOz Posts: 2,334, Reputation: 354
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    #2

    Sep 21, 2007, 12:23 PM
    I'm so sorry for your loss. It so hard at your age to lose a friend especially in such a terrible way.

    I'm not sure what to tell you in regards to gaining romantic feelings for him. It may be a reaction to the loss. Sometimes we don't fully feel the depth of our love for someone until they are gone. Maybe you are even thinking if you had those feelings before he died that it would've made a difference. I'm sure you know depression is a hard road and something as simple as being loved will not cure someone of how they feel or even stop them from committing suicide.

    Mourn your loss and accept your grief. In time it will feel easier. I doubt your friend would want you to hold back from pursuing a romantic relationship with anyone else or holding him in a higher esteem then any other boys. The best thing we can do when we lose someone is carry their memory with us and live our lives the best we can.
    nikki_22's Avatar
    nikki_22 Posts: 63, Reputation: 10
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    #3

    Sep 21, 2007, 02:11 PM
    I'm so sorry! I had a similar experience with my friend Kevin. Time is the only thing that dulls the pain. It never really goes away, but it becomes manageable. You should find a support group for people who are grieving. It really helps. My mom wanted me to go and I thought it was dumb at first but it really made me feel better. It is OK to cry about it. One thing that helped me was that for a half hour every day, I would get out all my pictures of him, notes from school, etc. that reminded me of the good times we had. I would cry a lot sometimes and just remember him. After a while, I was able to think about the good times and be happy I had gotten the chance to know him. As time goes by, it will be easier to bear. Hope this helps!
    firmbeliever's Avatar
    firmbeliever Posts: 2,919, Reputation: 463
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    #4

    Sep 21, 2007, 02:26 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by DoYouRealliMeanThat
    Within a week ago my friend commited suiside. Im finding it really hard because we got along so well.
    A few months ago he said to my cousin he fancied me and I never really took much notice of it and we never talked about it or anything but as soon as hes gone i start to really like him.
    Its true when they say you dont know what you have when its gone but i just want to know if theirs anything to make me move on.
    There is never a day i dont think about him even if im out. It hurts so bad :(
    Sorry for your loss.

    Try remembering that death is a reality of life, and your life is also limited.
    Grieve and cry as much as you wish,but remember that the more time you spend grieving you are losing days from your own life in grief.

    Try doing something productive.
    Find/start an anti-suicide group of your own.
    Contact a help centre for suicidal youth/teens in your area and become part of it.

    Find those in need and direct them to the centre or to counsellors to seek help.

    Such activities will help you in that you are being actively involved in something that will help others from not making the choice your friend did.

    Suicide Help Line - 1300 651 251 - Help When You Need It Most - Coping with suicidal death
    firmbeliever's Avatar
    firmbeliever Posts: 2,919, Reputation: 463
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    #5

    Sep 22, 2007, 05:12 AM
    I think is it is commendable of you to want to do something about preventing suicides.
    Here is some links you might like to take a look at.

    And you could try discussing this with a school counsellor or a health professional in your area, and find out the best way to go about starting such a group.

    I wish you luck...

    ----------------------------------------
    Please follow link to read the whole article.
    Suicide Prevention: Understanding and Helping a Suicidal Person
    Suicide Prevention:
    Understanding and Helping a Suicidal Person


    A suicidal person may not ask for help, but that doesn't mean that help isn't wanted. Most people who commit suicide don't want to die - they just want to stop hurting. If you think a friend or family member is considering suicide, you might be afraid to bring up the subject. But talking openly about suicidal thoughts and feelings can save your loved one's life.

    Suicide prevention starts with recognizing the warning signs and taking them seriously. If you suspect that someone has suicide on their mind, speak to them about your concerns and seek professional help immediately!

    Why do people commit suicide?


    The World Health Organization estimates that approximately 1 million people die each year from suicide. What drives so many individuals to take their own lives? To those not in the grips of suicidal despair, it is difficult to understand. However, a suicidal person is in so much pain that he or she can see no other option.

    The Canadian Mental Health Association describes the suicidal state of mind as filled with a sense of self-hatred, rejection, and hopelessness. Leading suicidologist Edwin Shneidman coined the word "psychache" to describe this overwhelming psychological pain. A suicidal person feels isolated from others or feels like a burden. Blinded by anguish and a sense of disconnection, he or she can't see any way of finding relief except through death. Suicide is a desperate attempt to escape suffering that has become unbearable.

    But despite their pain, most suicidal individuals are deeply conflicted about ending their lives.
    Preventing Suicide Network writes, “It has been noted by survivors that even during the act of attempting suicide, there are feelings of ambivalence. While there is a sincere wish to end their pain.. . There is also a longing for an alternative to suicide.” If you believe that a friend or family member is suicidal, you can help by pointing out the alternatives and showing that you care. Through understanding, reassurance, and support, you can help your loved one overcome thoughts of suicide.

    The more informed you are, the better you'll be able to help. Look at the table below for the truth regarding false beliefs that people commonly have about suicide.

    Common Misconceptions about Suicide


    According to SAVE - Suicide Awareness Voices of Education, the following are common misconceptions about suicide:

    FALSE: People who talk about suicide won't really do it.
    Almost everyone who commits or attempts suicide has given some clue or warning. Do not ignore suicide threats. Statements like "you'll be sorry when I'm dead," "I can't see any way out," -- no matter how casually or jokingly said may indicate serious suicidal feelings.

    FALSE: Anyone who tries to kill him/herself must be crazy.
    Most suicidal people are not psychotic or insane. They must be upset, grief-stricken, depressed or despairing, but extreme distress and emotional pain are not necessarily signs of mental illness.

    FALSE: If a person is determined to kill him/herself, nothing is going to stop him/her.
    Even the most severely depressed person has mixed feelings about death, wavering until the very last moment between wanting to live and wanting to die. Most suicidal people do not want death; they want the pain to stop. The impulse to end it all, however overpowering, does not last forever.

    FALSE: People who commit suicide are people who were unwilling to seek help.
    Studies of suicide victims have shown that more then half had sought medical help within six month before their deaths.

    FALSE: Talking about suicide may give someone the idea.
    You don't give a suicidal person morbid ideas by talking about suicide. The opposite is true --bringing up the subject of suicide and discussing it openly is one of the most helpful things you can do.
    Who is at risk of suicide?

    According to the Suicide Prevention Action Network, 90 percent of people who commit suicide suffer from depression, alcoholism, or another mental disorder such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. Depression in particular plays a large role in suicide. The difficulty suicidal people have imagining a solution to their suffering is due in part to the distorted thinking caused by depression.

    There are other risk factors as well. A recent loss or adverse life event—such as divorce, job loss, or the death of a loved one—is a major factor in suicides. A lack of social support is another risk factor. For more about suicide risk factors, see Suicide in the U.S.
    Suicide Risk Factors
    Feelings of hopelessness
    Depression
    Bipolar disorder
    Schizophrenia
    Alcohol and substance abuse
    Previous suicide attempts
    Family history of suicide
    Childhood abuse
    Physical illness or chronic pain
    Borderline personality disorder
    Panic disorder
    Loss or stressful life event
    Social isolation
    Impulsive or aggressive behavior
    Firearms in the home
    Incarceration
    Recent release from psychiatric hospitalization
    Exposure to the suicidal behavior of others
    Cultural or religious beliefs glorifying suicide
    Lack of access to mental health treatment
    Antidepressant use, especially in children, teens, and young adults.
    -----------------------------------------------
    Befrienders Worldwide
    AFSP: What to Do
    DoYouRealliMeanThat's Avatar
    DoYouRealliMeanThat Posts: 53, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Sep 23, 2007, 03:49 AM
    Thanks for all that
    I read through it
    I just don't know what would be the best way to start a group
    firmbeliever's Avatar
    firmbeliever Posts: 2,919, Reputation: 463
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    #7

    Sep 23, 2007, 03:55 AM
    Do you have a school counsellor?You could talk to her/him about your ideas.
    Did you look at the links too?

    --------------------
    Health 24 - Mind, Seeking help
    Guidelines on how to start a support group
    Support groups provide a useful forum for people to share their experiences, access information and increase understanding about a common problem. Here are useful guidelines to help you set up your own support group.

    What is the focus of the group?
    You need to decide on a clear focus for the group. You will be more successful if you offer a group with a specific focus such as Parents of Children with Turner Syndrome or a Rape Survivor Support Group as opposed to a more general group with an undefined focus.

    Ask yourself:
    What is the problem?
    Who needs support?
    Who should attend?
    What would you like to achieve?

    An accessible venue and appropriate time

    Choose a venue which is central. If you cannot find a suitable public venue, you could decide to have your meetings at members' homes. Choose a time that would suit most members. It may be necessary to provide childcare facilities.

    Getting your group together
    Once you have decided on a focus, you need to recruit members. Advertise in the local press, at doctors' surgeries, libraries or at places frequented by prospective members.

    Decide on the size of the support group
    The size of a support group is important. If your group is too big, some members will never have the opportunity to contribute. Rather split the group into two more manageable groups. If the group is too small, there is a chance that your group will dissolve due to absenteeism and drop out.

    Your first meeting
    Use the first meeting to find out what people would like to gain from the group. Your group will be more successful if you take these issues into account.

    Share the responsibility
    Don't take on all the responsibility. You will soon feel overburdened. Elect a coordinator, treasurer and secretary. You could also decide to re-elect people every year. Apart from preventing burn-out, sharing of responsibility will also give more people the chance to become involved in the group.

    Prevent drop out
    Many support groups stop functioning due to lack of interest. Keep your members active and interested by having a range of activities or topics. Here are some suggestions:
    Invite guest speakers to some of your meetings.
    Follow up on your members' suggestions. People can easily become demotivated and feel undermined if one member takes all decisions and responsibility for the group.
    Give your members a chance to suggest topics and organise meetings. Encourage participation by giving members the opportunity to share their own experiences and knowledge. Depending on the nature of the group, members could bring recipes along or share tips on how they dealt with specific problems.
    Start a resource centre of relevant literature collected by the members.
    Organise social events. This will give you a chance to get to know one another in a more relaxed atmosphere. You could also invite members of similar support groups.

    Ask for advice

    Contact other support groups for advice on what worked well for them. The Depression and Anxiety Support Group has put together a guide on how to start a support group. Contact them on (011) 783 1474/6.

    - Ilse Pauw, Health24
    --------------------------------------
    DoYouRealliMeanThat's Avatar
    DoYouRealliMeanThat Posts: 53, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Sep 23, 2007, 04:09 AM
    I looked at the links but I forgot to look at Befrienders Worldwide one. It gives some help about starting up helplines. Im sure if I asked my friends to help me out in this, they would be there for me all the way. Thanks so much you've been a great help
    firmbeliever's Avatar
    firmbeliever Posts: 2,919, Reputation: 463
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    #9

    Sep 23, 2007, 04:13 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by DoYouRealliMeanThat
    i looked at the links but i forgot to look at Befrienders Worldwide one. It gives some help about starting up helplines. Im sure if i asked my friends to help me out in this, they would be there for me all the way. thanks so much you've been a great help
    It is a pleasure to help, especially as you are thinking of a worthy cause.

    Don't forget to read my last post, I edited it and added some more information for you on support groups.
    DoYouRealliMeanThat's Avatar
    DoYouRealliMeanThat Posts: 53, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Sep 23, 2007, 04:26 AM
    Thanks so much x
    insomniaticmeat's Avatar
    insomniaticmeat Posts: 38, Reputation: 3
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    #11

    Oct 19, 2008, 01:07 PM

    That's such a horrible thing to happen to someone , I've lost three friends now through suicide and othe rthings, it never get easier, but also the more time that passes the more you understand things.. don't get hung up on it remember every day you spend mourning is a day out of your life, and your friend doesent want you to spend your life mourning for him no matter where he is.. never forget but move on.. it gets easier with time:) hope you find the help you need:)

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