[dreshany]

We are a couple in our mid-40's. My boyfriend has difficulty maintaining an erection during sex. I have always thought this was due to poor health since he goes soft whenever he starts exerting himself.
We have a great sex life and I am able to help him release most of the time. I've been noticing lately that he will masturbate a few hours after we have sex and seems to have no issues with his erection.
Honestly, I am feeling insecure, like I am not satisfying him enough. We have talked and he says that he gets so wrapped up in my pleasure that his orgasm lags.
I am not sure if I believe him or if my insecurity is causing my mind to go crazy.
Oh and I am not against him masturbating after sex as long as it is what he truly wants and not because of a sexual disconnect during our love making.
Thoughts?
Thanks

[CravenMorhead]

One thing to ponder is that when a man masturbates he has his specific technique and routine to get off. He has been doing it that same or similar way for 30 years now. The problem sounds like he's trained himself to orgasm a specific way to a specific sensation. I have heard of this before it is called the death grip. Basically he is masturbating with a closed fist to get a specific sensation. This stimulates him a particular way and he orgasms. The problem is that you can't mimic that sensation with your equipment. Which could be why he goes soft during sex. It isn't anything you're doing but the way he's trained his penis to work.

Thankfully there is a way to fix this. He doesn't need to stop masturbating but he needs to lighten up on the grip. His thumb shouldn't overlap his fingers at all. He needs to retrain his penis to be able to feel the gentler and subtler sensations of full on penetration. It will take a while and he might be resistant to this because it means changing how he plays with his little man. Also he should make a trip to his doctor and make sure he talks to his doctor about this. It is embarrassing, but trust me your doctor has seen and heard worse. It would benefit him.

Another tidbit of wisdom, a sexual encounter doesn't need to contain, or end with an orgasm. Goodness knows there have been several times in your sex life where the man has orgasmed and you haven't. It isn't about orgasming but the connection you feel and forge with your partner. It might not end in orgasms, but it ends with each partner satisfied. You said that you're having a good sex life, the probably implies that he's satisified. I wouldn't worry too much about. But since you're worried you should take this time to talk to him about this and see if there is anything else going on. Communication is the corner stone of sex and a good sex life. If you can't talk about it, you shouldn't be having it. Take some time and express how you feel. Keep it on yourself and not accuse him of anything. Doing that will shut him down, and the talk will end. Just give it a try. You will be surprised what you learn.

[Oliver2011]

Wow. Incredible response. I'd greenie but it won't let me.

[Alty]

I greenied but would love to greenie a few more times. Awesome reply Craven.

[talaniman]

This isn't about you but ALL about him and his habit(s). Many guys will go soft trying to hold back their own pleasure so their partner can get theirs, and in time he will learn not to completely lose his focus. This is really something to explore and experiment with and not worry about as possibly he did get emotional release,and simply needs a few minutes to recharge. The real danger of taking it personally and making it about YOU, is you may miss something you need to know about HIM, and make an argument instead of formulating an adjustment that resolves the issue to the benefit of you both because you have stifled HONEST communications.

Better to ADD to a great sex live with positive mutual input than detract from it with negative reaction. So buy his explanation, and ENJOY exploring, and experimenting to make it better. Poor health is a matter to be addressed with a doctor and there may be ways (changing positions, techniques) where he doesn't have to exert himself.

How long have you been together as a sexual couple?

[Precious7]

Wow. Incredible response. I'd greenie but it won't let me.

I did that for you.

[afaroo]

Excellent respond, I was able to greenied, Thanks