[Freakygal]

I am 27. I met G through a K whom I was dating at that point of time. Me and G whom is a divorcée became good friends and there was some sort of attraction (not physical) between us. Eventually I broke up with K and am single now. I always meet G up and spend hours just talking about anything at all. My friends have met us and so has his friends. They all seem to think we have so much of chemistry and sparks between us. We speak may times in a day via the phone and we always know what one is doing. At times I feel like we are in a relationship but not really exactly there. I feel the love he has for me in his actions, conversations and the fact we can't seem to be apart (not intimately) from each other. Despite of 4 years being friends to G we have not been intimately involved. If I were to say something hurtful he takes it personally. I have other male friends who don't react like this but G will make me feel his pain too. Its as if I mean a lot to him and for me to utter hurtful comments to him is just unacceptable. I know G is much more special to me. So one fine day I decided to confess my love for him. His reply to me was shocking. G said I spoiled the friendship and he no longer wants to have any contact with me. I was petrified, confused and literally pushed right back on the wall. Despite that we made contact after about 3 weeks of no communication. To date we are back to like how we were before I confessed my love for him. We are great friends I don't deny it. We understand each other perfectly and emotionally. My question is how can a guy spend so much time with a gal and yet claim its just pure friendship? I know I love him but how can I get him to actually confess he's in love with me too? Is this kind of friendship possible or am I reading the signals wrongly? I am confused.

[George_1950]

It seems you are reading your signals correctly, and are confused about his. You have been friends with G for four years? But not intimate? Just curious: what kind of hurtful things do you say to him?

[talaniman]

His actions say he values the friendship, but that's it. Don't be confused or feel rejected, just accept the relationship for what it is, a friendship. Yes these friendships do exist, he is proof of that. Enjoy this friendship, it will last forever. Now you know.

[Freakygal]

It seems you are reading your signals correctly, and are confused about his. You have been friends with G for four years? But not intimate? Just curious: what kind of hurtful things do you say to him?

Yes its been 4 years. We are great friends, in fact we can communicate with just body signals and emotions as well. We never got intimate. Hurtful... well we have a very easy going, witty and full of laughter conversation on a day-to-day basis and he likes to tease me a lot. At times I might just reply something that hits him below the belt and he'll ensure I too feel his pain by being absolutely moody and his killer stares that just send alarm bells ringing in me. I am still confused

[Freakygal]

His actions say he values the friendship, but thats it. Don't be confused or feel rejected, just accept the relationship for what it is, a friendship. Yes these friendships do exist, he is proof of that. Enjoy this friendship, it will last forever. Now you know.

Thank you for your reply. I understand be both value our friendship. I have accepted our relationship as friendship and yes we both are very well comfortable with this relationship. What confuses me is the fact he gets rather annoyed or he ignores me for days if I were to date other guys. I understand we are both friends but if that's the case why is he acting up if I am out with other guys to the effect I may say he comes clean being jealous? I am confused.. he seem to not want me more as a friend but hates the fact that I may be dating other guys. Is he afraid he might loose me as a friend?

[George_1950]

It is a funny kind of love. Has he ever had a girl friend? Does he date? Have you ever asked him about the loves in his life? Does he seem insecure around others?

[Freakygal]

It is a funny kind of love. Has he ever had a girl friend? Does he date? Have you ever asked him about the loves in his life? Does he seem insecure around others?

George thanks for being part of my confusion:) he was married before. He was attached with his ex-wife for 5years before stepping up and getting married. And the marriage lasted for 1 year. I don't think he dates anyone but he has gone through a few proposals but to no positive signs. He hasn't mentioned anything about any love in his life and considering the fact we spend so much time together I don't see a window of him dating anyone else. Unless he's dating in his sleep that is:) he's very confident and down right arrogant with people around him. My only answer to his behavior is uncertainty but again I am trully confused. I wish things were clear and I can move on which I am trying my best to do but somehow he's holding me back albeit I like the fact he's holding me back as this promises a hope for me.

[George_1950]

I wonder if you will have a 'meeting of minds', or a 'meeting of emotions'? Do you think that he may have a tepid love for you, but that several years down the road someone will come along and 'light his fire'? Just curious how you might see that.

[EuRa]

His actions say he values the friendship, but thats it. Don't be confused or feel rejected, just accept the relationship for what it is, a friendship. Yes these friendships do exist, he is proof of that. Enjoy this friendship, it will last forever. Now you know.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

[dancer08]

To be honest with you he seems just as confused as you are. From what you've said it seems to me there are three possibilities.

#1. He is not completely sure what he wants. He does like you but he's not sure how to handle the situtation. If he does indeed get into a relationship he risks losing you completely, and seeing as he is a divorcée and doesn't tend to date, he sounds very afraid of a realationship.

#2. He doesn't like as more than a friend, but is just a very flirty person who finds you fun to flirt with and is completley comfortable with.

#3. He likes you a lot and wants a realationship, but is afraid of the title or commitment that seems to come along with the title. So him not wanting you to date is his way of letting you know that he wants you to be his, but isn't ready for the commitment.

I don't k now if that is any help or not but I guess it's some things to think about.

[talaniman]

Even friends can be jealous, when a friend get involved with someone, and it cuts down on the friendship time somewhat. Just like us guys being a little jealous of our first kids, when the wife gives us less attention.

[Freakygal]

I wonder if you will have a 'meeting of minds', or a 'meeting of emotions'? Do you think that he may have a tepid love for you, but that several years down the road someone will come along and 'light his fire'? Just curious how you might see that.

Maybe I am not too entirely sure. Its sure is weird. Just recently I started dating someone whom I met through a family member. We seem to be getting somewhere and rest assured this guy whom I am in love with is well aware of my new found guy. He will insist in knowing what we are up to, how we spend our weekend and much more then what normal friends might be curious about. I can't handle the emotional roller coaster he puts me through, hence I decided to 1. minimize contact, 2. reduce our conversation, 3. pure ignorance. But somehow he finds a way back to torment me, emotionaly that is. If I ignore his calls or am genuinely busy, he will act hurt and that somehow makes me feel really bad. I've decided in my mind to move on but somehow the heart is still playing games.

[Freakygal]

To be honest with you he seems just as confused as you are. From what you've said it seems to me there are three possiblities.

#1. He is not completely sure what he wants. He does like you but he's not sure how to handle the situtation. If he does indeed get into a relationship he risks losing you completely, and seeing as he is a divorcee and doesn't tend to date, he sounds very afraid of a realationship.

#2. He doesn't like as more than a friend, but is just a very flirty person who finds you fun to flirt with and is completley comfortable with.

#3. He likes you alot and wants a realationship, but is afraid of the title or commitment that seems to come along with the title. So him not wanting you to date is his way of letting you know that he wants you to be his, but isn't ready for the commitment.

I don't k now if that is any help or not but I guess it's some things to think about.

Appreciate your feedback. I guess we are both as confused as we can get but one stark difference is I know I want a relationship with him, he is just playing games with my heart. Its funny how a simple matter can be so confusing. I agree with you, he is afraid of relationships. So its about me waiting and him taking me for a ride. But somehow I have waited long enough. Just recently I started dating someone new, M. I am serious and taking this whole new relationship seriously. But as usual G is forever at the back of me, he wants to know what we are up to, how we spend our time and the works to it. And strangely, I thought dating someone else might be a solution but its getting more and more emotionally straining. G still demands me of spending time with him and entertaining all his calls. I told him off once that I can't go on doing this. I told him to stop calling over the weekend as I would spend time with M. but G as dominant and demanding as he can be, told me he couldn't care less and I should know how to prioritize. He insist he knows me for 4 years and M is just a new found beau so I should know who to entertain... after all its just a phone call. Well I seem to be running in circles with G. it seems to be a setback but again I am getting more and more confused. :(

[Freakygal]

Even friends can be jealous, when a friend get involved with someone, and it cuts down on the friendship time somewhat. Just like us guys being a little jealous of our first kids, when the wife gives us less attention.

Well if that's the case how do I move on? I am trying all I can to detach myself from him but the pull is strong. Dating another one is not working our as he's demanding me not by words to choose. I thought time off and less contact might help but even that seems to be not working. I honestly want to move on as all these emotional issues are giving me sleepless nights, I am losing my concentration and to some certain extend losing my graps on sanity and logical explanation. Please advice.

[talaniman]

Take it easy and relaxed, time will do its thing, rest assured, more focus on you, and what you do, and less on what everyone else does. There are many more things in life besides dating and relationships. Stop thinking so much, and get a plan that involves doing.