[babybum]

My husband has one sister and one brother. They both has a job now but he still want to support them. He pays for their car insurance every month. We have a condo for rent, because we live in different state.

His sister just keeps asking to move in the condo without paying. I told him that we can't afford 2 mortgages at the same time, but he decides to let his sister move in without payment, while it is not necessary, because her parent's house still have room for her. I don't know what to tell my husband to get him understand, that it is not necessary to take care of them, while they can take care of themselves.


Edited/T

[cdad]

The problem with kindness is that it can come back to bite you. What was the goal the sister had in mind when she wanted to live rent free? If she is attending school and he wants to help support her so she can focus on studies that is admirable thinking. But if she just wants to freeload and get out of paying rent then that is a bad thing. Your husband sounds like a good person but also he may have lost focus on the true goals.

Giving a helping hand is much different then giving a handout. You need to talk to him about goals that not only yourself and him share but also the goal of what he is trying to accomplish by helping the others. When compassion bleeds over a person can quickly become an enabler. That is a very bad spot to be in.

Somehow (you know best) you both need to communicate your needs and goals to each other.

[xania]

Unfortunately, you're going to have to accept this until his family members let him down so badly, that he stops on his own. The more you keep trying to get him to stop helping them, the more tension this will create. I know this because my aunt used to bug my uncle about paying for his nephew's college (he went for YEARS and still hasn't finished) and for helping out his parents when there were others at their house who could and should have worked. People who are generous like that don't give up easily. My mom is like that as well and now that she's in her fifties she is BARELY starting to be a bit more selfish. She used to pay for a lot of things for my grandparents and other family members, and has quite a few siblings who could've helped but looked the other way. Eventually it does start to bother them that their efforts are in vain and they are being taken for granted. Stand by your husband when he realizes this and be supportive.

I hope you find the examples I gave relevant. It's just one of those things that's going to take time.

[Fr_Chuck]

You will either have to put your foot down and demand he stop or he will suffer your wrath, if that is kicked out of the bedroom or other things you can do to make his life miserable.

That is about your only choice. He should understand that he is hurting you, and not making that the most important

[Helpful_guy]

Its hard to convince your husband otherwise. I think you are in for a difficult ride.If you force he will just misunderstand you and worst part is his brother and sister will think you as an enemy. So best way is to talk to your husband to reduce the support or start your own savings!! You find innovative ways of spending his money so he has less available fund for them? Are you working or he is the only earning member?