[amily]

Lately I have a question on my mind... I think that love usually knock on your door only then you less expecting this... isn't it? I think its true. I think it is not that important to be loved by someone and I don't want to be with anyone unless I am in love, but now after my heart was broken I start to look around and worry that I will never fall in love again... and it worries me, because I know its not wright to think this way. I am scared that now each time I will go out on a date, I will get hurt and maybe that is why I end up going out with wrong people, I don't want it happened to me all the time. I feel like my life is in a mess. Also I can't find a part-time job, but I really need money, most of the time its because I don have enough of experience... but how I can gain more experience if people don't give me a chance? Everything seems black and white and I don't know what to do... Sometimes I think my life isn't going to change and its going to be black for ever. I love thinking positive about things, but lately I just can not do it... Maybe where is something wrong with me all together?

People I love seems get distant with me after a month, I can not find yet a girl friend, its usually guys, its nice but I would like to have a girl friend as well, every girl I have meet here in England seems acting different with me... I don't know why... its like every-time I think we could be a nice friends, they start to see me as their competition! I hate that, I never compete with anyone, because friendship isn't about how many guys I have and how I look, its about support and understanding. I have not yet meet a girl in England who would generally want to be just my friend and we can spend time together and share out thoughts... its literally impossible... or if it does happened they will only communicate with me when they feel they want too... tell me is there something wrong with me? Lately I started hanging about with guys, because I feel there is no competition and we can be just friends... but I want to know what is wrong with me, why can't I have a girl friend too... one of my best friends... ohh I thought she was... speaking to me when she likes and acts like she is always busy... if I ask what is wrong she says I'm acting silly, but I can feel there is something wrong... that is why I don't understand english girls... I feel left out and if I'm in company of the girls, I could feel most of the time they have so much in common and most of the time they won't involve me in their conversation... usually people who are not my friends acting more friendly towards me, but the minute I step in and say I want to be they friend in about a month everything change;( I don't know what to do... some girls will have talk with me about their plans and what they will cook for they gett together meetings, but I they will never invite me in it..

Here I'm saying all that and I really hope that someone out there can explain to me what is my problem... maybe I need to act more cooler and let people come to me themselves, because sometimes if you are too nice too people they can take you for granted and believe me, that is what I feel most of the time... please help me:confused:

[xiaocake]

I think it is right that people had better not have expectations on friendship and love.

Not all the girls would see you as a competitive object. There are many kinds of friends, for example, study-together friend, talking friend, roommate, boyfriend. You don't have to dream to find a person who would exchange heart words with you and is there for you to seek the meaning of true friend together. It is not realistic. You need to be "selfish", or another word independent. When others find some shimmering goodness of you, they would be eager to be your friend.
I once loved a person who said the same thing as you posted. He told me he was afraid of being hurt and couldn't get his love back, so he never made the first move before. And he wasn't active in our relationship. It was a selfish and immature thought because if we find somebody who deserves our love, we should dare to express. If much concerns delay a boy to chase after his happiness, I don't think he really loves her. However I don't think girls should express love feeling first because in this world many things make women more vulnerable than men, so we need self-respect. But please don't refuse only because you fear being hurt again. People are different and you have already been more clever in relationship with the opposite gender.

Wish you good luck!

[amily]

Thak you that did actually help me and I think this a really good advise!! Thank you so much:)