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cdh · Jan 15, 2006, 04:38 PM

Many of you have read this earlier in different strings but I can't get her off my mind. I met the most amazing woman 15 years ago but our lives were on different paths. There was a definite chemistry between us. However we never got together. Recently after a painful divorce for me and the death of her husband we began seeing each other. We didn't want to go public with it initially and we still haven't. She told me how she felt and I was to scared to tell her because I was scared of getting hurt again. I always told her I wanted more children. She said she never wanted to get married again. Her plans changed but I held on to mine as an excuse not to tell her hoe I felt. She is 45 I am 40 more children for her would be dangerous to her and the child. We never made a verbal commitment to each other but I thought it was kind of understood. She told me that someone had been interested in her and that she was planning to go out with him. This was two weeks ago.
After losing the battle with my fears I finally told her how I felt. Which is that I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. Her friends had already arranged for the new guy to meet her at a party and they hit it off. She has asked me for space to sort things out. I am afraid that I have lost her forever. I hurt her more than I knew. I never went out with anyone else or anything like that but she just felt rejected by me because I didn't tell her or show her how I felt. I have told her in no uncertain terms how I feel and I told her I would give her the space she wanted but I would not give up on us. I hope that I didn't hurt her more than she love me. Iwant her back in my life. Any ideas??

Rhondajv · Jan 16, 2006, 08:17 PM

Jr. I don't want to hurt your feelings but you're not listening to anyone who is giving you feedback. She told you. People have told you---you appear to be waiting on the response you want... If you are this "deaf" in your conversations with her or in your relationships, there could be a reason she needs space. You sound like a good guy but you may need some space and time to "love yourself first"... :D

talaniman · Jan 16, 2006, 10:27 PM

Probably the last thing you want to do is be known to start several threads about the same thing!If you want some abvise then you've been given quite a bit so to start another thread about the same thing ,I fail to see the reason other than you didn't like the advise,or you think that someone out there has a magic potion to win the lady of your dreams back!Dude the kind of obsesion you're showing only makes me conclude you and the lady have a very unheathy thing going on your part!That's why my advise is for you to leave her alone and let her be happy while you get your act together,she knows you aren't ready and you need to know it to, so instead of getting more advise you need a lot more action,so put it toward your ownself to move forward with your life!:cool:

cdh · Jan 17, 2006, 07:14 PM

Point taken. Thanks for the help. Sorry I didn't mean to aggravate anyone. Just looking for all the possible advice I can get. I just made mistakes in that relationship and want to fix it. Everyone gave great advice and I have left her alone and will continue to do so and hope she will change her mind and give me another chance. I know I can't make her but I can always hope. In the mean time I will still be open for new relationships.

Thanks again

whydontheluvme · Apr 1, 2007, 07:28 PM

I am in the same situation. But I told him that I did not love him anymore in hopes of getting over him. But then he started seeing someone else. So I have not been honest with him about how I feel. But I think it may be too late. I think about him all the time. I cry all the time. I don't know what else to do. When you figure out what works please let me know. I wish you the best of luck.

JQuest · Sep 30, 2010, 02:04 PM

Well, I want to help you all, because I have gone through the same thing before. This is what I have to say. If the person is not with you, then you have to look at the facts and put your feelings a side. Trust me, I know how hard it is. I had to do the same thing and trust me ladies and gentlemen, it is hard.

So what are the facts. Lets see, One we told the person how we feel, regardless of you thinking its late or not. Two, the person still went and dated someone else or decided not to be with you, regardless. Three, some time has gone by and still they are doing their thing and you are still waiting.

Now the facts about you. One, you are waiting in vain, because according to experts in human psychology, if someone wants to be with you, THEY WILL BE WITH YOU! Two, you have to move one, experts say that if you stay in this state and the other person notices this, they will continue to give you rejection. It is a psychological reaction, not that they do this on purpose. This applies for males and females alike. Three, If you love her/him, you set them free. What this means is you have to let them live without your tormenting their lives because you don't have what you wanted. By you chasing after them or hording the moment sort of speak, you only create more anxiety for yourself, meanwhile they will keep doing what they are doing... This is Called "THE LOVE THAT NEVER LANDS". It is actually a behavioral pattern that is very common. You are friends with someone, you like them a lot, but they don't see you with those eyes, they ONLY SEE YOU AS A FRIEND PERIOD!

So please ladies and gents, you have to move on and do your regular stuff. This does not mean you gave up, you just need to stop dwelling on it. It is unhealthy for your mind and body, trust me. Trust in yourself to be able to find the right person. One that will naturally want to be with you, NO MATTER WHAT. That is the real person that is meant for you. In the mean time. Peace!