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Aurora_Bell · Nov 25, 2009, 12:51 PM

OK story goes like this...
I invite a good friend over for a super bowl party, she askis if she can bring any thing, I tell her I made a huge Lasagna, and a ton of finger foods, but if she wants to bring garlic bread she is more then welcome, I made it perfectly clear that we had lots of food and it wasn't necessary. She brought one of those frozen garlic pizza thingys. After it was all said and done all the food was eaten EXCEPT the garlic "bread". While I was cleaning up, my friend came over and paked the bread up in the box it came in and left. I didn't think much of it, but another friend brought it up as a joke, and made a comment about it. Next dinner party was around Thanksgiving, I made a huge turkey, potatoes and all the fixings, I mean this was a HUGE meal, wine, appitizers, the whole works. Same friend asked what she could bring, I told her that I had only made one pie, and asked if she could bring over a pumpkin pie. She brought it over, we ate supper, and immediately after dinner she got up and sliced her self a piece, asked if anyone wanted any. I specifically said "way too stuffed, give me an hour and I would love to have a slice". I started cleaning up and the friend said she needed to get going, she again packed up her pie in the original box and left. Ok I was kind of upset that I didn't get one piece of the pumpkin pie! :eek: But I said thanks for coming and finished what I was doing. A few months had passed, and I forgot all about it, and decided to have some friends and family over for another dinner. I made seafood lingunie, it was a pretty expensive meal. Before we ate we were having a few glasses of my home made wine, she told me that she didn't like red wine and preferred white. So I opened her up a bottle of white. She had a few glasses and then it was time to eat. She was the first up helping her self to a huge heaping plate of noodles and sauce, so much in fact that before I could even eat I needed to make another box of noodles for the few of us who were at the back of the line. She ate her food, asked me what I was going to do with the rest of the opened bottle. I knew I should have said I was going to drink it, but instead I kind of looked at her dumbfounded for a few secconds before asking her if she wanted with obvious disbelief in my voice. She said she wanted it, and again got up and left, didn't even say thanks. Now by this point I am thinking OK, once fooled shame on you, twice foolded shame on me, three times fooled, well I was just asking for it.So after that passed I had a few more get togethers mainly with finger foods, and did not invite this friend.She asked why I hadn't had her over in a while and she was craving one of my home cooked meals. I instantly felt bad.She asked if I had any one over latley, and all I could say was not really, and changed the subject. Now I know this story is long, but I must say that this girl and I have been friends for almost 10 years now. We were best friends through high school. And she has said numerous times that she considers me like her family and trusts me completely. However last night she showed up un announced or un invited and started sayng how hungry she was. Honestly I had my child fed, and I was vegging out on the couch in my p.j's watching a movie. I did NOT want to cook anything. I suggested that we go splitz on a pizza or take out, which she declined. She wanted to go to the market a few kms away from my house. I said well why don't you go and I will wait here *hint hint* but she replied with "I don't know how to get there and I just know I will get lost if I go by my self". So I bundeled up my 2 year old, got changed and drove her to the market. I picked up a fresh pizza some cheese and crakers, she bought her self bar clams (EWWWW). We were at the cashier and she asked if I had any thing good to drink at my house. I said no just some juice for my daughter and water. She went and bought her self a small sized bottel of juice. When we got home she helped her self to a slice of pizza, and offered me A (ONE) bar calm, which I politly declined.
Now am I being petty and a terrible friend? Is it okay to just pack up the food you brought to someone else's house after they fed you a huge meal and bring it home with out even offering a portion to the host for later? Is it okay to buy food for yourself and still expect to eat what your host is eating? Am I way off the mark at kind of being miffed at my friend for not being a good sharer? Let me know...

JudyKayTee · Nov 25, 2009, 12:58 PM

Far too much info - can you sort of boil this down so I know what you are asking?

Aurora_Bell · Nov 25, 2009, 01:01 PM

My friend brings food over to dinner parties and leaves with it before letting anyone have any, shows up un invited and un announced and expects me to drive her to the grocery store and cook for her. Doesn't want to split in the cost of things, keeps my change if she does happen to want to go splitz, and eats my food and NEVER thinks of anyone else or asks if I need help in the clean up afterwards.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 25, 2009, 01:15 PM

You have a cheap friend with no manners, so?? Either get over it or tell them

Aurora_Bell · Nov 25, 2009, 01:18 PM

Nice answer. I guess maybe I just wanted to vent. Looking for a NICE way to break it to her. Like I said we have been friends for a long time...

JudyKayTee · Nov 25, 2009, 01:18 PM

With friends like this you don't need enemies!

I think I'd tell her NOT to bring food and, by the way, figure out a way to shop without you.

I agree with FrChuck - she's cheap and rude.

On the other hand one of my best friends figures out the restaurant tab to the penny - she's a great person but you go out to lunch, decide to split the tab but she gets out her calculator and 4 or 6 people have to figure out who had coffee and who did not. Her friendship is worth the aggravation.

Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

(Thanks for boiling it down.)

adam_89 · Nov 25, 2009, 01:23 PM

Well I find it very rude of her to do that. It is one thing to take back the food you brought but to not offer it to anyone is very impolite. When I have dinners like this nad someone brings something over I expect them to take it back with them but they usually offer me some before they leave. I think you should talk to them about it. I have a friend who is very rude like that but I get used to it. He will walk in my house and go through the cabinets and fridge and just start chowing down without asking. I don't care but it is still rude.

Aurora_Bell · Nov 25, 2009, 01:23 PM

No problem, I work in an accounting firm and we are all about the details, details, details! Sometimes I can get a little long winded. Lol.
And your right about being rude and cheap Frchuck, I guess I just hated the thought of losing a long time friend over food lol.

Catsmine · Nov 26, 2009, 08:43 PM

The next time she asks why you haven't invited her over, reply that it's her turn to be hostess. If she shows up unannounced, become ill and contagious.

Aurora_Bell · Nov 27, 2009, 06:11 AM

LOL. That sounds good.

jmjoseph · Nov 27, 2009, 08:35 AM

The next time you have a get together, and when she asks if she can bring anything, give her several items. Wine, especially.Top shelf winery. Make sure that everyone drinks some, until the bottle is empty. Ask her to bring the dessert, and eat that up too. If you think that you might want some for later, wrap it up and put it away before she leaves.

Some people are cheap, and just don't have a clue. Maybe it was the way she was raised. No home training. However, if you value her friendship, don't sweat the small stuff.

She could be SO much worse. I have a friend that doesn't even ask if we need anything, and would take the dining room table if he had a truck. But he is our friend, and is there for us when we need something that is either cheap, or free.

I know that you are an accountant, but life is too short to get upset about someone else's habits that you cannot change without hurting their feelings.

Now, what time do we eat? I brought a napkin, a fork, and an appetite.

Hey, what are you going to do with that television over there?

Aurora_Bell · Nov 27, 2009, 08:44 AM

Hahaha that is a very good answer. On the drive home last night I really started to think about it, is it really THAT big of a deal, you she's rude and annoying, but obiously I must value her friendship if I am worried about hurting her feelings. Or I am a sucker for punishment, either way.. l. I am glad to see you bring your own cutlery, a very charmiong trait ;) saves on dishes.

JudyKayTee · Nov 27, 2009, 10:31 AM

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

She could be SO much worse. I have a friend that doesn't even ask if we need anything, and would take the dining room table if he had a truck. But he is our friend, and is there for us when we need something that is either cheap, or free.

Laughing - I made pies for Thanksgiving dinner. One of The Relatives asked if she could have one of the half eaten pies. I said, "Sure." She asked if I wanted the pie plate back.

Duhh!

Catsmine · Nov 27, 2009, 01:55 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Laughing - I made pies for Thanksgiving dinner. One of The Relatives asked if she could have one of the half eaten pies. I said, "Sure." She asked if I wanted the pie plate back.

Duhh!

Which is why we live half a thousand miles away from our in-laws. We used to have the car MORE loaded on the way home than when we went out.

Definitely give her more to do until she starts begging off. She's so dependable, you know. You can depend on her to abscond with the leftovers, after all.

Alty · Nov 27, 2009, 02:13 PM

I have friends like this. They haven't been invited over in years.

Whenever I'm invited to dinner I ask what I can bring. If the host says "nothing" I always bring at least a bottle of wine, if not more. It's the way I was raised.

Sadly I don't think your friend was raised to understand basic etiquette. When someone invites you to their home, cooks you dinner, the least you can do is bring something and leave it if it doesn't get eaten or drank.

My Aunt makes Easter dinner every year. She goes to a lot of trouble. She slaves away days before and the whole day of. Every year we're invited. Every year I ask what I can bring. Every year she asks for colored Easter eggs and every year I make 2 dozen, colored to perfection and bring them over. Every year I leave without a thing, knowing that the eggs will most likely be thrown out because no one has touched them. But it's what she wants, and so I bring them.

Your friend lacks common courtesy. If it was me I'd mention it, or stop inviting her. But you're not me. ;)

dontknownuthin · Nov 28, 2009, 10:18 PM

If this is the only thing about this friend that you don't like, I would say it would be worth it to talk to her about it - I mean, if the alternative is to cut her off, you have nothing to loose in just being honest and really someone should teach her better - honestly, some people were not raised knowing etiquette.

You could also just correct her next time in a joking way like, "no way you're taking that pie, woman...I've been thinking about it all day!" or, "hey, leave that wine my friend, that's my hostess gift and I'm drinking it!" Kind of ridiculous to have to do this but I've yet to meet a perfect friend... just a lot I would never want to do without over something so trivial.

YeloDasy · Dec 1, 2009, 10:21 PM

I would talk to her. Just kindly let her know that she probably does not do it intentionally but you have noticed...
If you don't want to do that... then when you invite her over next time, ask her to bring dessert and ask her jokingly if she can leave some for you this time. :) She will ask what you are talking about and simply let her know about last time.
If she is a good friend, she will be fine with it. If not and takes offense, then that is her choice. The problem with not talking to her is that you will hold a grudge and it will effect your friendship anyway.
Good luck!! I want a friend like you to invite me to home made dinners!! I'll bring whatever you want!