[AKaeTrue]

I need a advice on how to ask my overly sensitive and easily offended neighbor
To slow her driving down because I'm worried about my children's safety.

Through normal conversation, she has mentioned how she " tries to drives slow"
Because my children are always out playing,
So I feel incredibly awkward about approaching her with this situation.

This woman is my elder, very kind and I like her but her driving isn't slow (about 45 MPH in a 15 MPH zone).

If anyone has any suggestions, I would greatly appreciate it.
Thanks

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Tell her that your kids came in crying the other day because there was some maniac in a (whatever color your neihgors car is) colored car driving really fast towards them. You want to find out who and turn them in...

[AKaeTrue]

Anyone else?

[N0help4u]

Tell her it will be too late for apologies or working on it once she ends up killing one of them or somebody else. I have a lead foot but that is ridiculous!
You could make a call to the police and ask them to happen to notice it 'sometime'.
They could even maybe tell her that they have had complaints making it sound like a few neighbors.
(Where are the police when you need them)

[froggy7]

This is a difficult one. First question to ask yourself: Is her speed really out of the norm for the area? Or is it just that you know her? I have to say that where I live, the speed limit in residential areas is 30 mph, unless posted otherwise. So if you are saying that your area is 15 mph, that is exceptionally low, and the only spot I have seen things like that tends to be apartment complexes. This is a good thing, because if you are in a complex (or an area with an HOA), then you can bring it up with the management/board. But truthfully, the only thing I have seen that will make people drive that slow in a residential area is speed bumps.

I drive past a school that is posted at 20 mph (and about the only spot I have ever seen people actually driving that slow!), and it is very hard to keep my car at that speed. The slightest amount of gas will bring me up to 25 mph, unless I downshift to second gear, but I don't see how people with automatic transmissions do it without a lot of braking.

[AKaeTrue]

I live in a large cultasac and the speed limit inside the circle is 15 mph.
There is a big yellow sign that says slow children playing and a speed limit sign that says 15 mph.
The main road is 25 mph, but she is going about 45 mph on that part of the road before she reaches the circle.

Her house is positioned in the center, so she doesn't have to slow down or go around the circle to turn into her driveway.
She cuts through the center of the circle and drives straight into her driveway.
It's complicated to explain how it's set up, but she doesn't slow down until after she has passed my house.

I do know her, and like her, but her driving gives me anxiety because What If?
I do not allow my children to play in the circle, but "What If" is what I'm worried about.

There was a certain incident that happened and now my anxiety level has reached it's max
And I feel I need to ask her to slow down because I'm worried for my children in that what if situation.

There was a petition to put in speed bumps in the neighborhood but 95% of the residents had to sign it, which they did not.

I'm going to ask her to slow down regardless, but I want to do it the right way since she is so sensitive.

[froggy7]

Ah, a cul-de-sac. Yeah, I can see the situation. It does seem a bit odd that she is driving fast in there, since cul-de-sacs are known for attracting families with children, and she must be intending to stop when she gets to her garage. But not having to turn... I can see exactly what she's doing.

You can go talk to her, emphasize that you are concerned about your children and neighborhood pets, who don't always have the best street-smarts. But unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do to actually get her to slow down if she doesn't want to.

[AKaeTrue]

Ah, a cul-de-sac. Yeah, I can see the situation. It does seem a bit odd that she is driving fast in there, since cul-de-sacs are known for attracting families with children, and she must be intending to stop when she gets to her garage. But not having to turn... I can see exactly what she's doing.

You can go talk to her, emphasize that you are concerned about your children and neighborhood pets, who don't always have the best street-smarts. But unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do to actually get her to slow down if she doesn't want to.

Yep, her children are grown and moved away, but it was the reason she moved here 20 something years ago.
She does slow down before crashing into her garage LOL.
My house is the first house within the circle.
She slows down after passing my house, not before entering.

The neighborhood pets was my incident.
Last week the cat got out.
Within 2 minutes, he was hit by a car and killed - what if one of my children would have chased him into the street...
I just can't get these "what ifs" out of my head now.
Losing my cat was a tragedy, losing one of my children is unthinkable.
I can't seem to shake this feeling.

I have already asked the other people who I think drive to fast to slow down
And watch out for my kids and the possible escapee with no problems.
But, she is by far the most emotional person I have ever met.
Very sweet and quiet, but cries a lot about things that are no big deal.
I know she'll slow down if I ask her, but I really don't want to be in an awkward situation where I make her cry...

With the right wording, hopefully she won't be offended or burst into tears.
What is the best way to emphasize with someone like this?

[grammadidi]

Kae, why not start the conversation talking about the cat? As you are talking you can say, 'What if it was one of the kids?'

Really, I understand that you don't want to offend her, but the kids are definitely more important than that. I think I would just be as honest as possible, and try to be empathetic. Something like, "Mary, I know you try very, very hard to make sure that you drive into the area slowly because of the kids, but I've noticed that sometimes you slow down further into the cul-de-sac and since the cat was hit I just can't get it out of my head that I could lose one of the kids the same way. I don't mean to be rude, because I KNOW you care about the kids... but do you think you could start your slow-down just a wee bit earlier, so that by the time you get here you are already down to 15 mph?"

If her feelings are hurt or she starts crying put your arms around her and say, "Mary, I am so sorry, but I am so happy that you are crying because of what I said instead of because you ran over one of the kids." It's kind of a tough love attitude, but... whatever you have to do to get it through her head!

Hugs, Didi

[AKaeTrue]

Kae, why not start the conversation talking about the cat? As you are talking you can say, 'What if it was one of the kids?'

Really, I understand that you don't want to offend her, but the kids are definitely more important than that. I think I would just be as honest as possible, and try to be empathetic. Something like, "Mary, I know you try very, very hard to make sure that you drive into the area slowly because of the kids, but I've noticed that sometimes you slow down further into the cul-de-sac and since the cat was hit I just can't get it out of my head that I could lose one of the kids the same way. I don't mean to be rude, because I KNOW you care about the kids... but do you think you could start your slow-down just a wee bit earlier, so that by the time you get here you are already down to 15 mph?"

If her feelings are hurt or she starts crying put your arms around her and say, "Mary, I am so sorry, but I am so happy that you are crying because of what I said instead of because you ran over one of the kids." It's kind of a tough love attitude, but... whatever you have to do to get it through her head!

Hugs, Didi

Thank you Didi, this is everything I want to say but couldn't think of it or how to put it together.

[grammadidi]

Thank you Didi, this is everything I want to say but couldn't think of it or how to put it together.

Oh, you are so welcome! I'm glad that I could be of help, Kae. Please let us know how it turns out. From what you have written, I think this lady genuinely cares, so I am guessing that she won't be offended. I think the key is to give her credit for her caring and thoughtfulness first.

Hugs, Didi

[AKaeTrue]

Oh, you are so welcome! I'm glad that I could be of help, Kae. Please let us know how it turns out. From what you have written, I think this lady genuinely cares, so I am guessing that she won't be offended. I think the key is to give her credit for her caring and thoughtfulness first.

Hugs, Didi

You're absolutely right, she does genuinely care.
I don't even think she realizes how fast she's going.
What you suggested to do and say is perfect for this situation and
I too believe she will be OK with that.

When I'm stressed over something personal, my mind goes on vacation:)
This situation to me is a lot harder than asking teens to slow down.
I knew there was a right way - thanks!

I didn't see her at all yesterday, so I didn't get a chance to talk to her.
The next time I see her I'm going to bring it up and I'll let you know how it goes.

[froggy7]

The other thing that might help is to occasionally "accidentally" leave one of the kid's toys out in the street. Not having to maneuver to get to her driveway is one reason that she doesn't slow down. Having to zig a little to get around a tricycle will make her slow down and remind her of why she should.

[grammadidi]

The other thing that might help is to occasionally "accidentally" leave one of the kid's toys out in the street. Not having to maneuver to get to her driveway is one reason that she doesn't slow down. Having to zig a little to get around a tricycle will make her slow down and remind her of why she should.

While I understand where you are coming from I totally object! This could cause a VERY serious accident. Imagine someone swerving suddenly to avoid the toy and instead running over a child on the sidewalk! No, the best way to deal with this is to be honest and upfront. Passive aggressiveness leads to dire consequences in almost every situation. People need to learn to communicate their needs, wants and desires and the reasons for them - whether it be in a marital relationship or with your neighbour.

Hugs, Didi

[ChihuahuaMomma]

While I understand where you are coming from I totally object! This could cause a VERY serious accident. Imagine someone swerving suddenly to avoid the toy and instead running over a child on the sidewalk! No, the best way to deal with this is to be honest and upfront. Passive aggressiveness leads to dire consequences in almost every situation. People need to learn to communicate their needs, wants and desires and the reasons for them - whether it be in a marital relationship or with your neighbour.

Hugs, Didi

I always admire your answers!!

[lacuran8626]

I don't think you need to, or should, overthink this. Rather just tell her, "Mary, I need to ask you to slow down to the speed limit in the neighborhood." If she is offended, just tell her, "well, I'm in a tough spot because I think it's dangerous for the kids, but I also really like you and enjoy you and do not want to offend you in any way. I figure when it's a matter of safety for my children, I need to be a responsible mom and hope you will understand.

A lot of people put up with dangerous situations to avoid creating an upset or scene, and sometimes that just isn't the best approach.

[AKaeTrue]

Just thought I'd let everyone know where this situation stands.
I had not seen her in order to speak with her, so I sent her an email to see if she was all right.
Right now she is visiting and staying with her sister out of state.
Since she is not here, I'll wait to bring it up when she gets back.

[grammadidi]

I always admire your answers!!!

Thank you! I hope I can always live up to that.

Hugs, Didi

[grammadidi]

Just thought I'd let everyone know where this situation stands.
I had not seen her in order to speak with her, so I sent her an email to see if she was alright.
Right now she is visiting and staying with her sister out of state.
Since she is not here, I'll wait to bring it up when she gets back.

Thanks for the update, Kae. I haven't been around much the past 10 days but I was wondering.

Hugs, Didi

[AKaeTrue]

Hi didi, I noticed you haven't been around. Hope all is well.