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vernonzoe · Dec 27, 2009, 05:23 PM

I am in the process of a bitter divorce. My son and his fiancé are planning a large wedding in six months. My children are unaware of the details of our separation, including my ex's physical, and emotional abuse; his use of prostitutes, and his many affairs. His extended family do not know what happened, and believe what he tells them. I would never want to spoil this day for them, but I wish I didn't have to go. How do I hold myself up with dignity?

vernonzoe · Dec 27, 2009, 06:01 PM

This is more. My husband liked child pornography. He liked to 'tickle' his adolescent nieces. I stayed in the marriage so that he would not have his children 50 percent of the time. I covered for him for 30 years. He traveled and spent so little time at home, that his adult children are now trying to forge a relationship with him. Counselors have advised me to say nothing to the kids because they might resent me in the end, and not want to believe it. How do I do this.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 27, 2009, 06:10 PM

Well I may disagree with your couselors but then I often disagree with non christian couselors all the time.

You go, celbrate their great day and act like everything is great to keep their day perfect.

My son when he got married, waited till the day of the wedding ( at the wedding) to explain I had to walk in with his mother and sit with her during the service,

I did, and even held her arm as we walked in, you do what you did for 30 years pretent it is all OK and make their day everything they want it to be.

If your counseling is helping you and getting you though this great, if not, perhaps a visit or consulting another couselor is never wrong. Personally I have always stressed honest relationships, you don't go out of your way to tell on someone or to explain it if they don't want to know or don't ask, but holding in pain and suffering often in my opinion only builds up and up and does not allow you to have family to fall back on for support

Clough · Dec 27, 2009, 06:16 PM

Hi, vernonzoe!

Concerning the wedding - if your ex-husband was there, would you need to be involved with him in any way?

Thanks!

vernonzoe · Dec 27, 2009, 09:10 PM

I don't know yet, but his entire family will be there, and he has been lying about what really happened, so I'm half expecting to be received by dirty looks and daggers when I walk in alone. My other children are in the wedding party. I didn't tell anyone about what was happening when I was married. I feel like I'm going to explode with this; no one has any idea who he really is.

vernonzoe · Dec 27, 2009, 10:03 PM

Thank you for your response, it does help me to hear what you said. I will do everything I can to make my son's day perfect. I keep telling myself the wedding is only over a 24 hour period. I am carrying too many secrets. I do not want to be there with him at all; it's all some kind of terrible fakery - but like you say, I did it for 30 years. It seems incredibly hard to step back into it now. I have not spoken to him or his family in two years; and I'm reliving everything that happened before. I do appreciate your taking the time to answer.