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bubandlexmommy · Jul 6, 2011, 07:18 AM

My soon to be Ex Husband (yes we are still married) is 23 and now dating a fresh 17 yr old.. (birthday was only a month ago). It drives me crazy! And on top of it we have 2 children together and he brings her around them all the time. She even has pictures of my 4yr old on her Facebook. Is there some kind of way I stop him from having her around my children??

dontknownuthin · Jul 6, 2011, 08:46 AM

Bubandlexmommy - discuss this situation with your divorce attorney. He/she can petition the court to stop your husband from having this teenage girl around your children.

ScottGem · Jul 6, 2011, 09:03 AM

First, Please don't piggyback your question on someone else's. This can cause confusion, so your question has been moved to it's own thread.

Second, unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to prevent this girl from being around when it is their father's time. You can prevent her from entering your home, but if the father has unsupervised visitation then he can share that time with anyone he chooses (unless they are a danger to the children).

However, if he is being sexual with this girl he may be in legal trouble. It would depend on the laws in your area. Any question on law needs to include your general locale as laws vary by area.

As for having your child's picture on Facebook, if her site is open to the public, you can complain to Facebook and they may do something about it. But if the father gave her permission to post the picture, there is probably nothing that can be done.

I suspect that yours was a childhood sweetheart kind of thing and shows how marrying in haste is not always the best idea.

JudyKayTee · Jul 6, 2011, 09:47 AM

Agree with Scott - unless she is threatening to your children there is little you can do.

Facebook MIGHT remove the photo - but she will simply post another photo.

What a 23 year old with 2 children sees in a 17 year old is beyond me, but that's another topic.

this8384 · Jul 6, 2011, 10:11 AM

Originally Posted by bubandlexmommy

My soon to be Ex Husband (yes we are still married) is 23 and now dating a fresh 17 yr old.. (birthday was only a month ago). It drives me crazy! and on top of it we have 2 children together and he brings her around them all the time. She even has pictures of my 4yr old on her facebook. Is there some kind of way i stop him from having her around my children???

As already noted, unless this girl is a danger to the children, there's not much you can do about it. Sure, you can have your attorney waste the time and money trying to prevent her from being around the children - but unless she's abusing them in one form or another, odds are your request will be denied.

I'd like to step aside from the legal aspect and ask: why does this bother you so much? Is it the fact that she's so young, or is it the fact that he's dating someone else? Why do you not want her around the children - do you think she's harmful to them, or are you just trying to spite your ex?

The reason I ask is because I've been on the other side of the coin; I was the girlfriend after the divorce. Six years later, my husband's exwife is still bad-mouthing me to anyone who will listen. She has no reason for it; I have no criminal record whatsoever, am probably the best woman he's ever been with, and the kids adore me. But if you talked to her and didn't know me, you'd think I was a neglectful, abusive "floozy" myself.

So which is it: is this girl actually trouble, or are your emotions taking over here?

JudyKayTee · Jul 6, 2011, 10:37 AM

Originally Posted by this8384

The reason I ask is because I've been on the other side of the coin; I was the girlfriend after the divorce. Six years later, my husband's exwife is still bad-mouthing me to anyone who will listen. She has no reason for it; I have no criminal record whatsoever, am probably the best woman he's ever been with, and the kids adore me. But if you talked to her and didn't know me, you'd think I was a neglectful, abusive "floozy" myself.

So which is it: is this girl actually trouble, or are your emotions taking over here?

Wow - love it and so true! I met my husband 12 years AFTER the divorce, and I was the "floozy" and his ex-wife didn't want me around his children, both adults, both college graduates. Talk to her and find out my involvement in the divorce - 12 years before I met him.

Whenever the phrase "soon to be ex-husband" is used I assume there are very bitter feelings.

this8384 · Jul 6, 2011, 10:57 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Whenever the phrase "soon to be ex-husband" is used I assume there are very bitter feelings.

Actually, the title of the thread is "Husband parades his floozy" - I'm sensing a lot of hurt feelings, which may/may not be justified.

JudyKayTee · Jul 6, 2011, 12:02 PM

Horses were changed mid stream - soon to be Ex Husband

ScottGem · Jul 6, 2011, 01:06 PM

Actually the title is mine. The OP was a piggyback on an old thread about a 23 yr old dating a 17 yr old in the Dating forum.

So I used that subject line when I moved it.

twinkiedooter · Jul 6, 2011, 01:53 PM

He obviously has not grown up. Just wait until he has to pay child support AND try to keep the 17 y/o happy. Won't work. He just MAY have to grow up.

In the meantime just bide your time and ignore his actions with her. If she is that young she does not realize she is being used to make you jealous. Chances are slim to none he will marry her either.

Just be sure you get the MAX amount of CS from him and make him pay promptly as well.

Don't be jealous... get even in the pocketbook where it hurts.

this8384 · Jul 7, 2011, 08:45 AM

Originally Posted by twinkiedooter

He obviously has not grown up. Just wait until he has to pay child support AND try to keep the 17 y/o happy. Won't work. He just MAY have to grow up.

In the meantime just bide your time and ignore his actions with her. If she is that young she does not realize she is being used to make you jealous. Chances are slim to none he will marry her either.

Just be sure you get the MAX amount of CS from him and make him pay promptly as well.

Don't be jealous....get even in the pocketbook where it hurts.

Twinkie, I have to say that this really surprised me. This really comes off as childish and vindictive; not something I'd expect at all from you.

For starters, you don't know that the girlfriend is "being used" and what the basis of their relationship is. The OP hasn't given any real reason to not want this girl around the children.

From what I'm reading, your advice is basically that she should spite him and doing it financially is the best way. I'm concerned that she may next move on to trying to turn the children against him which, as we all know, only hurts the children.

dontknownuthin · Jul 12, 2011, 09:01 AM

My response was based on a case I assisted with - a divorcing adult father was dating a minor (who moved in with him) and the other parent was able to get a court order that the minor could not be present during the children's visitation with their father.

As for what basis, it was based on the fact that the father flaunted that this was his new live-in girlfriend on Facebook, and the mother was able to establish that a relationship that included statutory rape was not an appropriate example for her minor children. The judge agreed.

ScottGem · Jul 12, 2011, 09:17 AM

Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

My response was based on a case I assisted with - a divorcing adult father was dating a minor (who moved in with him) and the other parent was able to get a court order that the minor could not be present during the children's visitation with their father.

As for what basis, it was based on the fact that the father flaunted that this was his new live-in girlfriend on facebook, and the mother was able to establish that a relationship that included statutory rape was not an appropriate example for her minor children. The judge agreed.

First, the girl here is 17, likely above the age of consent so statutory rape is probably not involved. Second, if the mother proved that statutory rape was going on, then why didn't the judge have the father arrested? Doesn't make sense to me.

dontknownuthin · Jul 12, 2011, 07:15 PM

I believe the relationship began prior to 17. I can't speak for the judge but would guess that he didn't put the father in jail because no criminal charges had been filed and it wasn't criminal court - it was family court. He only made a determination on the instant petition that the father could not have his underage girlfriend present during parenting time. I don't know that the mother "proved" statutory rape - she proved that the father had a long-term live in relationship with a minor which was a poor example for her minor children, which does not have the same standards of proof as a criminal conviction. The judge was limiting his ruling to this one petition and the best interests of the children of the two parties.