[trich52]

Suffolk CTY, NY, residents - parents of 18y old son seek information on how to evict him from our home. Our 18Y son left home in 10/07 due to his inability to follow our rules. He was living in vacant houses for awhile until his grandparents agreed to let him live with them. He stayed there for a month and left for the same reasons. He lived in his car for brief period and then he became ill. We agreed to allow him to come home after being ill to get well and prepare to go to job corp. There he could finish his high school education and obtain vocational training. He has been home from APR 07 till now and we are sorry we let him come back. He is disrespectful. He steals, lazy, does not clean up after himself nor shower regularly. He has lost 3 jobs since he has been home;Checkers fast food - advising it was too hard;tire shop- being disrespectful to a customer;another fast food place- he failed to show up. He won't work or go to school. We try to enforce our rules but the law is not in a parents favor. He is setting abad example for my 16Y old daughter. He calls the police on us when we refuse to open our door to let him all hours of the night. The police have advised us that we will go to jail if we lock him out and that we must legally evict him. How do you legally evict someone that does not pay rent?

[trich52]

[QUOTE=trich52]Suffolk CTY, NY, residents - parents of 18y old son seek information on how to evict him from our home. Our 18Y son left home in 10/07 due to his inability to follow our rules. He was living in vacant houses for awhile until his grandparents agreed to let him live with them. He stayed there for a month and left for the same reasons. He lived in his car for brief period and then he became ill. We agreed to allow him to come home after being ill to get well and prepare to go to job corp. There he could finish his high school education and obtain vocational training. He has been home from APR 07 till now and we are sorry we let him come back. He is disrespectful. He steals, lazy, does not clean up after himself nor shower regularly. He has lost 3 jobs since he has been home;Checkers fast food - advising it was too hard;tire shop- being disrespectful to a customer;another fast food place- he failed to show up. He won't work or go to school. We try to enforce our rules but the law is not in a parents favor. He is setting a bad example for my 16Y old daughter. He calls the police on us when we refuse to open our door to let him all hours of the night. The police have advised us that we will go to jail if we lock him out and that we must legally evict him. How do you legally evict someone that does not pay rent?

[mr.yet]

Tell the police he does not live here anymore, he is 18 years old (legal age).

THe next time he calls the police have him arrested for trespassing and disorderly conduct and insists on it, tell the police to do their job.

You are the property owner not him.

[Tootruetooblue]

He has to be given 30 days notice that he is being evicted then he is out. Get the appropriate forms from a lawyer. It should not be costly.

There is nothing stopping you from pressing charges when he steals from you. If he drinks, you can have him arrested for drinking underage. If he's being abusive, have him arrested for that, too.

Just don't take the abuse. Draw a hard line in the sand and let him know, "when you are ready to do something positive we will help you but you are no longer welcome to live here. We will help you get to job corp, get counseling, get off of drugs/alcohol (I'm making a wild guess he's an addict - you may not know it but he probably is). We will not be part of your life in any capacity if this is the life you are going to chose. Let us know when you are ready to make some changes." Then, stick to it.

[timgoehrig]

That has to be the worst answer ever. At least the last part. Its parents like you, tootruetooblue, that drive kids like us to not like our parents. Because parents like you make assumptions and convictions without any reason or logic. You have never met the child aforementioned, and yet you say he PROBABLY IS addicted to drugs alcohol?? That's horrible. There's more to this story than the parents may admit.

[mikebrit81]

That is rediculouse. Maybe the kid has something going on where he needs help but does not know how to reach out to someone.. And yes if he is breaking the law and harassing you guys then you should definitely take action. But then again he seems to be a young person who doesn't know much in life and still hasn't faced reality yet. He is in need of help. So help him don't push him away b.c that will lead to more suffering.

[JudyKayTee]

Tell the police he does not live here anymore, he is 18 years old (legal age).

THe next time he calls the police have him arrested for trespassing and disorderly conduct and insists on it, tell the police to do their job.

You are the property owner not him.

This is most definitely not the case in NY - you serve him with eviction papers in accordance with the law whether he pays rent or doesn't pay rent. He is your tenant/guest and he must be legally evicted.

The Police will not get involved - this is a civil matter, not a criminal matter. The Police did do their job - they told the OP to evict him.

Perhaps it's different in different States but the OP - and I - are in NY and these are the rules.

[mkelm75]

I agree with TooTrueTooBlue - sounds like he's an addict. I know, I lived - and am still living - through the same crap. We've been going through it for years. Look into his eyes - are his pupils the size of pinheads? Does he constantly doze off? Does he walk the floors in the middle of the night? Do things in the house go missing? Does he go through money like crazy? We tried helping him, putting him into a few programs - then he got arrested twice within two months. Our problem was our son was over 18 also. Because he was arrested, he was now the county's problem and he had to do what they said. He was given a choice, jail or drug court. He chose drug court, but while in the middle of drug court, was arrested again for using and released a week later to an electronic device that monitored his whereabouts. He lived out of our house for about 3 months during this, then we let him back in while he was being "monitored". I found him on his bed one morning, electronic devise around his ankle, belt around his arm and a needle laying next to him - he overdosed. My husband did CPR and he was brought to the ER. When I knew he would survive I left the hospital and didn't go back until the following day. I was met with an angry man who accused me of causing him to lose his job (because he OD'd and didn't show up for work). I threw the food I had brought him at him and left. I pleaded with his PO that he needed to be sent far away for a long time for treatment. He was sent instead to a local "sober house" and allowed his car and was allowed out for entire weekends, but oddly enough, he was not allowed to work! - needless to say that did not help him. They eventually sent him to a methadone clinic where he currently goes every day. They pushed him through drug court and he "graduated", but honestly he was not ready. This is the hardest thing a parent has to go through, and I don't wish it on anyone.

I would say bring home a drug test. If he refuses, that probably should confirm it for you. They talk about tough love, but I know myself, I was not able to do tough love. You can't legally just kick him out to the curb. If he steals, call the police. If he threatens suicide, call the police. If he threatens you, call the police. Good luck to you... it's not easy.

[Crazymother]

Wow glad to see I am not the only one with the problem. I have an 18 year old who quit school and has not gotten a job. Many offers but she just does not feel like it. The last one required a drug test and she knew she would fail it. She comes here to shower and leave dirty clothes hoping I will wash them. She yells at me and tells me to get out of my own house. She tells me not to talk to her using the "F" bomb hoping I will be impressed. I have a restraining order. She has been arrested for abusing me. She has left and returns thinking we owe her. As she says "I am going to suck you dry" As parents we have no rights. Yes we are legally going to evict her. She has been given 30 days. Now 10 are left. She thinks we are kidding. Let us see how this works. Nothing has yet.

[inamess107]

Did it work?

[GHT56]

I am upset by the parents posting here inquiring about how to evict their 18 year old children. First, there are cases where if the child attacks you more than once or is a physical danger or substantial threat to other children in the household, the child should be removed from the home. Still, as parents, it is your JOB, your DUTY given that you put this child on this Earth (or adopted this child or raised a stepchild), to find a decent living situation and guide this child to a successful transformation to adulthood and self-sufficiency. You have a job to do. You clearly didn't do it if you have this problem. You have to care even when you are tired or overwhelmed. It is one thing to quit your diet, quit a hobby or quit your New Year's resolution... but it is simply not an option to quit your child. You didn't do your job! Not yet! And you need to follow through! Clean up the mess you made as a parent by not teaching your child when he/she was 3 years old, 10 years old, 14 years old to RESPECT you and to like and respect himself/herself. You spend 2 hours a day at least in front of the TV. Turn it off and spend 2 hours every day telling your child what is good inside of him/her and how you believe they can find a way to make it in the cold, brutal world, that they have certain skills or virtues to be able to do the basics and maybe a little more... that they can learn skills that others will pay money for, that they can read books to find advice and inspiration from other people's biographies. You were given a baby or if you adopted or remarried a small child. What did you do and say in all those years? Do what you should as a parent. Don't wash your hands of this. This is your creation, your child, your failure. You fix this. Do not give up.

[JudyKayTee]

This is a 3 year old post PLUS it's a legal board which gives legal answers, not personal advice (no matter how sincere that advice is).

[Crazymother]

Eviction did not happen as she assaulted me and the police were called by my neighbors. This time she left visible wounds and I had a witness. She was evicted by the court with an order of protection. That worked. Sad , to date she has worked a job 3 days, totalled her car but she has her own apartment with a boyfriend. Happy she is not living with me.

[JudyKayTee]

Not the result I would have expected but it sounds like the problem is solved. At least now you can sleep at night.

Thanks for coming back and bringing us up to date.

[Crazymother]

Question, what would the result you expected?

[JudyKayTee]

Eviction without an order of protection.

[Crazymother]

Eviction probably would not have worked. To easy for her to come back. Unfortunately with all people who are victims of domestic violence we allow the abuser to come back into our life. This way the court has protected me from doing that. I am so thankful for that. Even with the order of protection she has continued to do just that. However, I can say, no you can't live here, there is an order of protection and you would be in violation of it and I am not willing to give it up just because you say you will not hurt me.

[JudyKayTee]

I am in NY and it is not all that easy to get an order of protection - good thing that you had witnesss.

[Synnen]

Thread closed.

Glad things worked out for your crazymother, but you're not actually the OP, and this thread has been resurrected too many times--with the OP never coming back in 3.5 years.