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dmehta · Jan 1, 2010, 08:30 PM

How can I leave him? I've been with him for 2 years now and this last year has been hell for me. 1st I found out he was sendn messages to a girl on Facebook and had not changed his status and when she asked him if he was single he said yes at this point we were together for 1 year. I don't know if he met her then a week after that I found out he was cheatn on me on Facebook with a different girl. She was postn comments sayn she loves him etc he nvr changed his status or put pics up of us and I asked him to but he didn't. I confronted him and he said she's an old friend then stories came out, I had a car accident just after. He begged for me to come bk to him and said he only kissed her before me and him had turned into a relationship. She got nasty and sent me threats etc and he said nothn to her. Arguing about it 1 day got violent and he threatened to hurt me and pushed me into a cupboard. He promised to delete Facebook after a while his Facebook reappeared sayn he was single again then a dating profile on a dating site appeared then myspace and bebo all sayn he is single and looking to date. He told me all of these are his cuzon pretendn to be him. Then he was forced to move to uxbridge and bit by bit stopped 4ning and seeing me. It got to recently where he ignored me for 3months, we spoke 3xs in that period when he actually picked up all we did was fight. Then my uncle died and I needed him, when I phoned him he told me randomly that I don't know what love is instead of coming straight to help me through it. 2months ago by dad had a stroke when I told me he said "wot do u want me to do about that?" and hung up after sayn he has no time for that. It hurt me sooo bad. We then met up 3 weeks ago and talkd it through he told me he loves me and he is sorry 4 all he's done he is stressed and is going thu some important residency case to stay here so that's y he's done this to me. I knew it was wrong to trust him or stay with him but I love him. Since that day I have heard once from him I know I need to leave him he has caused me deep pain and loving him is not enough anymore but I don't know if I can let go. All my friends are away and it'l just be me on my own. I keep believn he'll change and then we'll get married at be happy but I cry every night thinkn about all he's done to me and said to me. Please help me

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Smallgirl12 · Jan 1, 2010, 08:44 PM

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Honey just express how u feel and say mabey u need sometime away or if u want to leave forever than tell it's time to move on remember express and don't let him get u into a fight OK

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talaniman · Jan 1, 2010, 09:04 PM

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He hasn't changed yet, he may never change, and your wasting your time waiting for him to.

I guess when you get sick and tired of being miserable, used, and cheated on, you'll leave.

It really is up to you because its your time wasted, and your heart being broken.

And your face being LIED to.

bswc · Jan 1, 2010, 10:20 PM

Oh poor girl, right now you can write a list on all the bad craps he gave you. Take some time, then call him for a break up so you can get your head up and focus on your family and let him focus on the other girl.

Both of them are like robbers that robbed you emotionally, brutally. Leave those beast.

Gemini54 · Jan 1, 2010, 11:46 PM

What is there to love here?

You want to stay with a horrible, lying, mean person because you don't want to be on your own?

Being stressed is no excuse at all to treat someone badly.

If you accept crappy relationships then that's what you'll get - crappy relationships. Be realistic and totally honest with yourself, he's treated you like $hit and you let him.

I'm going to be really blunt here - you need to stop living in 'la la land' because this guy is not marriage material. Your fantasy about marriage with this jerk is just that - a warped fantasy.

Stop crying, kick him to the kerb and tell yourself that you deserve better. You'll NEVER attract someone worth marrying until you stop accepting crappy relationships like this one.

amicon · Jan 2, 2010, 01:36 AM

He is a complete waste of space. Please find your selfrespect and dump him.

dmehta · Jan 2, 2010, 10:19 AM

To gemini 54 thanku 4 your reply but I didn't say I don't want to leave him because I'll be on my own. I said that I don't have anyone around to just be there if I need as in my friends. I will be on my own I don't care about being on my own I'm saying how do I get through it I'm not stayn with him to not be on my own.

talaniman · Jan 2, 2010, 10:34 AM

I don't want to leave him because I'll be on my own.

That's such a lousy excuse to be with someone. That's FEAR, not love. Learn to be happy on your own.

dmehta · Jan 2, 2010, 05:07 PM

Thank you everyone for all your help

Gemini54 · Jan 2, 2010, 06:38 PM

Originally Posted by dmehta

to gemini 54 thanku 4 ur reply but i didnt say i dont want to leave him coz i'll be on my own. i said that i dnt have anyone around to just b there if i need as in my friends. i will be on my own i dont care abt being on my own im saying how do i get thru it im not stayn with him to not be on my own.

You just decide to do it and get through it. Of course you'll feel sad and bad. Hey, life is like that we can't avoid the difficult experiences and feelings that some relationships bring up for us.

This guy has made you feel sad and bad already. How bad is leaving him going to be? Seriously. Are you really going to feel any worse for giving this complete emotional creep the flick?

dmehta · Jan 8, 2010, 05:50 PM

Thanks gemini54, I'm starting to build up strength and I let him use me its true this is bad but if I leave now then I'm hoping 1 day I'll be happy again and free from loving him. Thanky 4 makn me see it that way it's a step I've half made now so I don't want to turn back, I derserve so much more then this and not every1s like him I hope thank you x

dmehta · Jan 8, 2010, 05:53 PM

To TALANIAM

What I wrote was this: "all my friends are away and it'l just be me on my own"

Not I can't leave him because I'll be on my own as I've explained already on here.

Thanks 4 your reply but I'm not that sad that I can't find sum1 else who'll treat me better how I should be treated, how I treat others. 1 day I'll meet sum1 and be happy.

emopunk7 · Jan 9, 2010, 04:27 AM

You will find someone that better suits you. Stay positive.

Cat1864 · Jan 9, 2010, 07:54 AM

Originally Posted by dmehta

all my friends are away and it'l just be me on my own. i keep believn he'll change and then we'll get married at be happy but i cry every night thinkn abt all he's done to me and said to me. please help me

The fear that Tal is talking about isn't the one of not having a boyfriend (I think we can all agree that you already don't have one), it is the fear of not having a support system to help you through the dark days of actually trying to get over him.

I want you to know that you aren't alone. Your friends may not be in town, but you do have the people on this site who will do their best to give you advice and support any time you feel you need it. We will also listen anytime you feel the need to rant about him or how much you miss him.

The thing is that you have to have the courage to say enough is enough whether there is anyone else around or not. You have to be able to put him in his place-the dump. You have to understand deep inside your heart and mind that you can't change someone else especially if they don't want to change. He doesn't.

I will not lie and say it will be smooth going. It is going to make a roller coaster look smooth. However, you can take measures to help yourself even out the down times. Keep yourself busy. Gym, volunteer work, classes (continuing education or community based), work, meeting new people and making new friends, hobbies, etc. are just a few ways to keep your mind and body busy while you heal.

Any time you feel the need to rant or get ideas on what you can do to help even out the bumps, just keep adding to this thread. There are a lot of hands to help steady you, all you have to do is reach out.