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BrentNoel · Apr 2, 2009, 11:27 AM

My girlfriend of one year has been increasing more irrational and has started becoming physically violent. In the last 3 months I have been slapped, punched, shoved and at one point dragged off my sofa and on the floor for about 15 feet. She has never caused any serious injury but these events seem to be increasing in frequency and intensity. The issues that trigger her seem, to me, to be either trivial or entirely fabricated. She has just begun threatening to hurt herself if I leave. I love her deeply and in the beginning she was everything I've ever wanted in a relationship. Am I in the beginnings of an abusive relationship? What is the appropriate course of action?

Justwantfair · Apr 2, 2009, 11:29 AM

You are in an abusive relationship. (Not the beginning).

The appropriate course of action would be to get out of the situation. That means breaking up. How old are you both?

BrentNoel · Apr 2, 2009, 11:44 AM

I am 30. She is 25. I am her first sexual relationship. We have been dating for one year and living together for 4 months.

Justwantfair · Apr 2, 2009, 11:58 AM

Why are you putting up with this?

Red flags EVERYWHERE... you really needed someone else to tell you that?

AngelaCarterFan · Apr 3, 2009, 03:49 AM

Hi

I'm afraid it is an abusive relationship.

Your girlfriend does sound as though she has some emotional problems, so maybe you feel guilty about the idea of leaving her because you don't want to deal with the guilt of 'abandoning' someone who is mentally unwell (particularly since she has threatened to harm herself).

Maybe you feel that as you love her it is your duty to stand by her and help her deal with her problems.

I don't know what the appropriate course of action is, you're the only one who knows exactly what's going on here and you have to decide that for yourself, but one thing that must happen is change.

The chances of this suddenly stopping or her just working it out of her system are pretty slim. If you can manage to convince her to seek psychiatric help then maybe you might feel that you could stay with her and support her whilst she deals with her problems.

However, if you can't, I personally feel that you should leave. It is not your responsibility (or within your capability) to stop her from hurting yourself, that is something that she has to do for herself, but you can and should stop her from hurting you.

Best of luck

artlady · Apr 3, 2009, 04:12 AM

This is abuse and she needs help that you cannot give her.
People who express themselves in this way are in need of mental health treatment.

Not just because she has anger control problems but because of issues with boundaries,etc.

This will only escalate to something more dangerous.

She needs help and you can't give it to her.

You need to end the relationship immediately.

I will refer you the National domestic abuse website where you can find resources to help her and yourself.

National Domestic Violence Hotline