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Okay, so take that out. And it will flow better?

It's 3:56. Should I point out it's her house? Is it cause he just walked up to the door? I'm working on it, but it's tricky.

I fixed the comma splices and grammar. Didn't realize I had so many. Any other suggestions?

Okay, so I've never written before and I have a creative writing class and I have to write a flash fiction story. If you guys could give me some feedback on how to improve it or suggestions on things...