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Type: Posts; User: valinors_sorrow

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  1. Answers
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    These are often sponsored by local libraries or...

    These are often sponsored by local libraries or bookstores so I would check with the ones closest to you.
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    You might try calling 2-1-1 in your area. They...

    You might try calling 2-1-1 in your area. They are the referral service for all kinds of local help. In some circumstances you have to be pretty darned broke to qualify for free so don't be surprised...
  3. Answers
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    We adopted our two cats from the feral cat...

    We adopted our two cats from the feral cat program people. We saved our dog from going to the shelter -- she is a product of two "accidental" neighbor dogs. We then made ourselves unwelcomed by...
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    Cutting, eating disorders, hearing voices... are...

    Cutting, eating disorders, hearing voices... are all things that require professional help, even medication in order to experience relief from them. If she is serious about seeking help, it all...
  5. I can appreciate a complicated perspective, LOL...

    I can appreciate a complicated perspective, LOL -- I probably have one myself. :o


    And for the record I do not think you are an idiot, in fact I have not thought someone was an idiot for a very...
  6. Answers
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    You are doing what you can, I am proud of you and...

    You are doing what you can, I am proud of you and these are some very good things Gem.

    There are two things I would like you to think about which may cause some unnecessary stumbling.

    One is...
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    I am not sure if I see evidence that we...

    I am not sure if I see evidence that we reincarnate so the classic version of karma is up for question. But I can tell you that I know with absolute certainty that there are connections and patterns...
  8. You said you didn't know about having a...

    You said you didn't know about having a "picker"-- we all have one. That you didn't realise you do means there is a possibility you don't know other things about you (or people in general). Learn...
  9. This is an age old lesson about how it is never...

    This is an age old lesson about how it is never wise to have lovers who know each other, in any circumstances. Either sleep with unrelated people or make it clear to whom you sleep with that who you...
  10. Also, its good that you are moving on and wise to...

    Also, its good that you are moving on and wise to take a break for a while too but you might want to change what you listed on your profile under experience since it currently reads:

    I would...
  11. Could it be that your "picker" is broken? It...

    Could it be that your "picker" is broken? It stands to reason that if you manage to only select the unfaithful ones among a wide range of women, then it has something to do with you. How else can you...
  12. Answers
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    I see you have reclaimed some of your power, Gem!...

    I see you have reclaimed some of your power, Gem! I am just delighted for you. Keep building on each victory and let the failures slip through your fingers like sand. So far so good -- you've done...
  13. Answers
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    The way the situation is that you posted here...

    The way the situation is that you posted here sounds good. I am so glad to hear you are taking it slow-- very wise.

    The thing to remember is in a relationship there are always two "authors". It...
  14. Answers
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    Spot on Chuff! It is because alcoholics (who...

    Spot on Chuff!

    It is because alcoholics (who are like overeaters only with booze) tend to drink over being overwhlemed that the slogans of AA are so effective:

    Live and Let Live
    Easy Does It...
  15. I think that is very grounded of you. It goes...

    I think that is very grounded of you. It goes further with me too-- why want someone who doesn't want you? My thinking is if you have to work THAT hard for it, something is off about you as a person...
  16. If only it were that simple. My husband was...

    If only it were that simple.

    My husband was raised by parents who appear to have not ever cheated, but he cheated in his first marriage, then learned his lesson and hasn't cheated since. I...
  17. Some people here think that NC is a legitimate...

    Some people here think that NC is a legitimate way to "win" someone back. I am not one of them and I think it gives false hope and ignores the big picture. Many here had a long debate about it over...
  18. For some more (dare I say?) "modern" women, the...

    For some more (dare I say?) "modern" women, the idea of being given away is too reflective of being handled as the property they once actually were. So that whole part of the ceremony is left out. I...
  19. Answers
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    This is good and I understand about being scared....

    This is good and I understand about being scared. But look! You've now done two things -- posted to this site and called and retrieved relevant OA information. Good for you! But you don't have to go...
  20. Answers
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    You are welcome and there is only a limited...

    You are welcome and there is only a limited amount that can be done here, so be mindful of that too.

    It sounds like you've retreated from your real life into a fantasy world as much as you can....
  21. Answers
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    Why stop at extra marital affairs? Whatever...

    Why stop at extra marital affairs?

    Whatever the questionable action is-- its almost always justified by those who gain from it and rarely by those it harms.
    This is how personal integity is...
  22. Answers
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    It may be that he has developed a "thing" about...

    It may be that he has developed a "thing" about it and now attracts these experiences in some subconscious, cosmic kind of way? Maybe put the title in someone else's name? Or give a really thorough...
  23. Answers
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    LOL I especially like the part about the lemons...

    LOL I especially like the part about the lemons but then, LOL I would!
  24. Answers
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    Your assignment is asking... If you were say...

    Your assignment is asking...

    If you were say pink, for example, what sort of pink would you be? LOL Do you see now?

    If you were ________ (fill in the blank with anything you like -- flower,...
  25. Answers
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    Ask her what it means and she will likely tell...

    Ask her what it means and she will likely tell you. Easy peasy! LOL (Not to mention that's a good habit to get into... )
    And by all means, go sloooooooooooooooow with this, okay?
  26. Answers
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    No telling what it is -- it could be quite a few...

    No telling what it is -- it could be quite a few things like inexperienced nerves because she does like you and isn't sure how to handle it, or just raised with poor manners in general, or tension...
  27. Answers
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    Like some others here said, seeing him is nothing...

    Like some others here said, seeing him is nothing more than seeing him. Reading more into it than that may be your wishful thinking in action-- which, if its anything like my wishful thinking was,...
  28. More than an opinion, I have seen people...

    More than an opinion, I have seen people overcome just about everything imaginable, including cheating and lying. I have overcome some stuff too.

    But in most cases, it took hitting a kind of...
  29. Answers
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    I understand how one thing leads to another and...

    I understand how one thing leads to another and before you know it, you are being squashed by the whole mess. Its important to find the beginning and take steps about that one. It can pay off so well...
  30. Answers
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    I had a double major in college too - psychology...

    I had a double major in college too - psychology and graphic design (not too unlike your two!). By my third year I dropped the psych one (for many reasons) and went on to have a very lucrative run as...
  31. Abuse is perpetrated by women as well as men....

    Abuse is perpetrated by women as well as men. Psychos come in many forms. Some society is slow to recognise this, sadly. I am so sorry-- what a rude awakening this must be for you. You were right to...
  32. Answers
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    Boundaries are tricky business to sort out in the...

    Boundaries are tricky business to sort out in the beginning. Its important that you hear his concern about feeling suffocated, that's for certain. But at the same time, he needs to hear you wanting...
  33. Answers
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    The pain eases off slowly over time. A little...

    The pain eases off slowly over time. A little more one day, a little less the next... until enough time passes that you can finally see that it is indeed fading. Heed the wise awareness others have...
  34. Answers
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    Good. Just be sure to get some facts first -- it...

    Good. Just be sure to get some facts first -- it will be a better discussion. Also be mindful that it depends on whether he inhales the smoke -- some pipe smokers do not (my dad did).
  35. Answers
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    My dad smoked a pipe too. He eventually switched...

    My dad smoked a pipe too. He eventually switched to cigarettes when he found out that pipe smoking is even more harmful for several reasons -- no filtering the smoke, lots of time in the mouth...
  36. Answers
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    One never really figures out how important sex is...

    One never really figures out how important sex is until its not happening. Frankly, I would be concerned about any aspect of a relationship going as neglected as this one is. A partner's unhappiness...
  37. Answers
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    Thanks for that explanation, Guy! It makes sense...

    Thanks for that explanation, Guy! It makes sense and we've never had a full work up done since neither of us know the time of our births.
  38. Answers
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    What he says doesn't matter anymore or shouldn't....

    What he says doesn't matter anymore or shouldn't. That you continue to focus on anything but the solution tells me you aren't ready to solve this. I wish you well and hope you get it one day. I won't...
  39. Actually this is how it is in reality. No...

    Actually this is how it is in reality. No "should" necessary. Families, cultures and governments will eventually have to find a way to honor it or risk perishing in what comes as a result of the "Age...
  40. Answers
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    In my acting out days, I did what she is doing...

    In my acting out days, I did what she is doing (with strip clubs) and I eventually came to my senses. I am suggesting you have a kind of practical hope. Hope in the long run but practical about who...
  41. Answers
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    Forgive me but this is a na´ve view. The...

    Forgive me but this is a na´ve view. The well-to-do may have many resources the poor do not, but an active addiction does great harm to anyone and everyone -- to their health, their finances,...
  42. Answers
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    You left out the one about when you are typing a...

    You left out the one about when you are typing a VIP (very important post) LOL cats think that is the best time to walk across the keyboard to add some flourishing touches of their own.

    If you...
  43. Answers
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    My hubby is Nov 13th (is that Scorpio?) and I am...

    My hubby is Nov 13th (is that Scorpio?) and I am a June 25th Cancer but the strange thing is we have never resembled any version of our signs that we've even encountered. I mean not even close!
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    The really sad thing about the medical industry...

    The really sad thing about the medical industry in the US is there has been a huge increase in doctors writing left and right for known addictive drugs and then not monitoring or helping in the...
  45. PS - I am a big Elmo fan too. Just wanted to...

    PS - I am a big Elmo fan too. Just wanted to throw that in there. LOL
  46. Answers
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    The definition of an addiction factors in several...

    The definition of an addiction factors in several things so that it may be that your friends' use doesn't qualify. Addiction to pharmaceuticals usually implies that its beyond the recommended dose...
  47. I see your point, Mom. I think there are several...

    I see your point, Mom. I think there are several things influencing the geographical nature of religion. One is active missionary work. Helping the disenfranchised is still good at racking up...
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    I believe that if you are old enough to support...

    I believe that if you are old enough to support yourself, then you are old enough to make important decisions like those concerning relationships and marriage. You both sound young but you know the...
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    No offense here sweetie but weak is often another...

    No offense here sweetie but weak is often another way of saying "I don't want to take responsibility for who and how I am". I don't know if this is true about you -- only you can be the judge of...
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    The physical effects of withdrawal are probably...

    The physical effects of withdrawal are probably the least of what you need to be concerned about. As far as I know, the only medically risky withdrawal is from alcohol. But if you prefer, you might...
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