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Whilst bearing in mind the following television series – Ross Kemp on Gangs, Ross Kemp in Afghanistan and Ross Kemp Returns to Afghanistan, can you please tell me which of these men, in your opinion,...

There is one way to guarantee your natural colour back. Simply shave off all of your hair and wait for it to grow back.

If people grow suspicious of your newly acquired shaven-headed look then...

I reckon it's an ant.

Here is some proof.

I'm not sure how you could not believe in aliens after seeing that haunting image.

Also, David Icke, believes that the world's leaders, including the British royal family,...

Why don't you seek a sponsorship deal with a well known brand or manufacturer? That way the company sponsoring you would pay for the tattoo and, potentially, pay you some extra on top. For example,...

It sounds like an old film I remember called "Billy saves some bear-type characters from a castle guarded by other bear-type creatures with help from his family and a blinking device". I think it...

I say; give it a bloody good wash. See if that helps.

There is one way to guarantee your natural colour back. Simply shave off all of your hair and wait for it to grow back.

If people grow suspicious of your newly acquired shaven-headed look then...

Speaking personally, if it came to it, I fancy that I could crush McCain in an arm wrestle, tug of war or other test of strength. I do have 9 years on him, though.

Was that the question?

Those are both excellent examples. I would like to use the word "calibration" but, of course, that begins with a "c". Do you think that the administrative staff at a Court would notice if I spelt it...

I can only think of "kinetics".

According to nature, and God's discretion, whichever you believe in.

My wife, Anne, is well into her fifties, works in a supermarket, and her previous interests include country walks, the music of the sixties and her grandchildren. Now, however, she has, all of a...

I am a big fan of the sinking of the Titanic. Can anyone recommend a good film about the disaster, or perhaps a love story that was based on the Titanic?

I don't mind general meeting but I prefer more specific pre-arranged meeting. For example, I enjoyed bumping into my old schoolfriend Keith Masters outside WH Smiths the other day, which I guess was...

I have just come back from two weeks away on holiday. Whilst I was away my neighbour’s dog, Tom, dug it’s way into my garden and left at least five unwanted presents on the turf and one on the patio....

Have you tried simply being a bit more virile?

Milk.

It is from the corporate profile I did at my old workplace before I was ushered into retirement. It says "I am efficient, yet relaxed. Determined, yet approachable"

How do you spell malevolence?

Let me see.

As to location, I am in Wetherby, West Yorkshire.

Characteristics. It is a sort of rashy, reddy rash on my right hand.

It is a bit itchy.

PS - I am a man. I had hoped my...

I have a rash on my right hand. Can anyone tell me what it is?

Perhaps one was giving the other a piggy-back. The carrier stumbled and fell over. As he did so his loose-fitting trousers fell down. At this time he was commando and he was thus on the floor,...

Talc.

Back Home by the England World Cup Squad 1970?

Unless he accidentally backed onto it?

The bible may frown on festishes but, to be fair, it was written before Big Busty Beautiful Women Volume 8 was published. Does God have a position on chubby chasing?

Regarding the sexual favours, what favour was he returning? Had you painted his garden fence or swept his driveway? If it was something really big like tiling his roof he may have felt duty bound to...

Back Home by the England World Cup Squad 1970?

Back Home by the England World Cup Squad 1970?

Back Home by the England World Cup Squad 1970?

Back Home by the England World Cup Squad 1970?

My wife's sister Maude dated Arthur Scargill in a tempestuous affair in the 1980s. She argued that there was nothing wrong with dating him because he was not actually a miner he was a union leader...

Hello there.

I bought a Bic Biro pen three years ago. It has worked well all this time and wrote in a beautiful navy blue across the pages of exercise books, the Racing Post and the Times...

Excon, what films have you been in? I do hope one of them was Bridge Over the River Kwai. Or maybe Karate Kid II?

Yes, becoming a gay may be the answer. They always seem very happy and upbeat. Try that.

I've heard that you could walk it in about 39 minutes but that might have been a lie.

Beware of fat kids, they can't run, but if they connect with a round-house then you'll be on your back. I suggest that you return with some lit fireworks, rocks and baseball bats and bum-rush these...

Yes, scrawl a note in faeces that says "Stay away fat cow" and post it through her letterbox attached to a lit firework. Your violent and upsetting indifference will bring her crawling back...

Back Home by the England World Cup Squad 1970?

From what I can make of your question, which is very little, you have been hugging and kissing with someone who is "basically" your sister. What basics do you mean? The basics of procreation (i.e....

You should just ask the guy outright - "Are you in love with me, or is it just lust?" I can't see that he would have any reason to lie.

In any case, if the answer is "just lust" that's surely a...

What about calling yourself Batman? Or Darren? Or maybe even Special Forces II? All good names and very original.

I agree that an education would be very useful to you. I think you should perhaps write a stern letter to the school.

Tip - use a spell checker or perhaps get an adult to check it for you.

Jeanette Krankie. Ronnie Corbett. Kermit the Frog. All very short people, all very successful in their field. Don't let height stop you from pursuing your chosen career. Unless that career is...

48.

I think you should go to Algeria. Someone there will tell you all about it. If you like what they say then you can go back again.

Religion is brilliant isn't it? All those miracles and that, and I love the singing.

My question is simple - which is the best religion at the moment? I know that Kabbalah and Scientology are very...

Treeny, at first I misread your question. I thought it said "Is Krishna a c---?" which I thought was a trifle unfair. If that were the question then I would have answered "no" because he comes across...

An American Preacher once said to me (through the God Channel, Sky Channel 760) that, when I am faced with every day travails (such as which way up to have my eggs) I should ask myself “What Would...