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Yeah actually I'm taking steps to just keep myself busy, I'm studying photography and I bought a guitar and started to go to the gym again. Just trying to make myself a busy man aside from the fact...

I think too much about her I just wish I could get amnesia and forget what happened the good and the bad, especially the good

So I just have to get used to the fact that it will be like this for a long time right?

Yeah that's what I'm trying to do, do some stuff that I like. I started to play the guitar and do photography, but sometimes, its just gets so tiring and even more depressing at times because even...

Yeah I know the consequences of breaking nc. I also know its useless, but despite knowing all these things, I wonder why I still would want to talk to her.

Nobody has said that its okay for me...

I still keep thinking about her, each day I get the urge to break nc, I don't know how long I could keep this up. More and more I don't hear from her, the pain keeps getting worse. I just want it to...

I'm thinking of the same thing, I just want her to go crazy with her own guilt. After what she did, I can't even meet some of my friends now because one of them she flirted with.

Yeah she would either ask for help or just get mad at me. I don't need that so let her deal with her guilt and ill deal with my own problems. Good thing I'm far away from her, but I'm coming back...

That's all it is huh? Yeah I kind of figured it out, because if she really wants to talk to me, it wouldn't be just like once in a week. She would make effort but it only happens each time she feels...

Yeah I realized that this so over also. I know that she's just trying to rid herself of the guilt. I forgave her already and she did it again by just being really insensitive the other day. She kept...

I know that's why I'm trying to avoid her as much as I can. But she keeps on sending me messages. Apologizing and trying to say excuses for what she did. And it irks me even more because I know for a...

I'm feeling the itch to call her, she was a last night calling me and shouting at me. And the next morning she kept on saying sorry.

I was really pissed because she can't yank me around like...

I feel the urge to talk to her now, damn. I know ill hate myself after if I do, but this is just eating me up inside. I know I need to fight it. But its getting the best of me

I can't sleep now thinking of what I did... I know I should let go I should let go. But its just too much its like I was the one who pulled the trigger.

I just want her to make me feel important...

I just want to fast forward the days when I get back home after this to see if we can work it out. I don't care if I have to step up to make it work.

Actually, I've been talking to her even before that she needs to work on the relationship also, because most of the time, she would just sit back and let me do all the work. I can say this for sure...

But when that happened it was years and years ago. And we had our best times after that. I'm sorry if I'm being stubborn I hope you don't get tired of my whining.

I see the whole mess as something...

I want to call her now just to apologize and say that she doesn't have to be guilty about anything tat it was entirely my fault as to why we ended up this way. I hate what I did back then. I don't...

Yes I guess I didn't want to accept it but looking back, it was because of these two things that led to our break up. I guess if anyone is to blame about the whole relationship falling apart, its me....

So basically it was because of my faults that led her to break up with me?

Yeah I just want to get out of the phase of making it a competition. She was the one who screwed up in the end and now she's happy?

Yeah life's not fair, and I want to make it fair, and I know I...

That's what I'm trying to do, but my work consists of research and it's really hard to start understanding stuff when everything in my mind is like a huge ball of wire.

I know this is a stupid...

By the way, there were a lot of things I could have denied, but I didn't I confessed everything so that we can work things out. And she accepted and I worked triple time to make it work. I know I'm a...

My ex and I have been together for 5 years already. During that period, we had a lot of big fights.

4 things that I considered really big:
1. She saw my cellular phone and saw a message from one...