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Thanks for your moral critique, it was absolutely necessary. And even if it is an old thread, it will still be viewed by people inquiring about drug testing, so it's still relevant. If you don't...

Making your blood more alkaline will increase the speed at which you metabolize amphetamines. I don't know about asparagus though.

Yeah they can test you. They may choose not to, but they probably will. If you fail I am sure your county or parish has plenty of expensive and useless outpatient drug programs to put you in....