You cant make them love you - from enotalone.com - superdave
Good morning my EnotAlone Family,
When you feel down and out because of a breakup, the first thing you want to do plain and simple is fix it. You want your ex back, for the most part, as soon as possible. Why? Because you think it will solve your heartache.
How many times have you told yourself while crying alone in your home that if you had them back, it would be better than before? You make false promises to yourself that "you have learned your lesson" and if they came back to you, you would be a new man or woman or even worse you TOLD your ex you have changed. Doh!
Why is that a bad thing? Because ANY CHANGE that you are seriously considering TAKES TIME! How much... depends on how badly and how seriously you want it. Ask anyone who has lost a good amount of weight how long it took. A week? A month? A year or more?
The answer is not the point... its how you feel about yourself when you achieve your goal. Whether it be weight loss, an addiction problem, a relationship or a personal goal, no matter what it is when you achieve it... you feel like a new person.
Why is that? Plain and simply put YA DIDN'T BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AT FIRST TO EVEN TRY...
Maybe in the beginning you tried but was not 100% concrete on your goal because "It is useless" or you feels as if you "Can't do it". Why be self-defeating? I have heard MANY success stories out there about those individuals that said "I can't do it". Well THEY DID!
An old expressions says "At first we don't succeed..try, try again."
I want to clearly state my next thought carefully.
**WARNING**
If you try and try again to win back.. or to achieve your goal of recconciliation too soon without growing OR you are loving someone 100% when they have ALREADY GIVEN UP ON YOU... you will fail every single time.
To be loved and give love are the greatest gifts we can receive from one another. Whether it be a hug from a child, a kiss from a lover or to be shown and told how much you mean to someone... THAT my friends is what it is all about.
Some may ask, "How do I know if my ex has given up on me?" EASY...
I have said it over and over and over again... LISTEN CAREFULY
Ya listening?
Ya ready?
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS ALWAYS!
Someone can tell you they love you allllllll they want ladies and gentlemen but if they lie, cheat, or do not want to be around you for the most part UNLESS it is in THEIR best interest... you have your answer.
In this forum, I have COUNTLESS TIMES heard this line at the beginning of a post..
"In the beginning..." three little words... that mean sooooo much.
BUT...
There are NO MORE POWERFUL WORDS in the UNIVERSE than these three:
"I LOVE YOU"...
Now, if we hear them, do we automatically assume they love you.. Or, like trust... do we have to earn it?
How do you earn love? First an foremost.. by being you and reciprocating what you receive unselfishly to others... in other words by your actions and by who you are as an individual.
In the beginning, when you meet someone new OF COURSE things are bright and shiny and new... why would you think otherwise... because THEY HAVEN"T SCREWED UP YET!!! HA HA HA HA
Ok ok ok ...sorry about that last one but what I mean is this...mistakes have not been made. You BOTH have a clean slate and you rarely know too much about the other party involved in the relationship.
Weeks turn into momths...and soon the NEED to try to win the other is over...the REAL test has begun. You found one another....NOW YOU HAVE TO KEEP one another. People tend to get selfish when their needs are not met or fail to be met based on what we THOUGHT was presented to us in the beginning. Sometimes without of even trying we tend to say..AND BELIEVE
"This is the one"....Ever said that about anyone? Ever felt as if they are the missing part of you that you deserve and they deserve you JUST THE SAME? If so, you understand where I am going with this...
Think of it this way....( ok bare with me)
You have a game show ...You and your lover are on two separate teams..ya both have an even score...in the beginning.
When your lover does something that upsets you...based on how you feels ( your needs or expectations are not being met) you take away as many points as YOU FEEL the unhappy event made you. In other words...the bigger the need they did not meet....the more points you subtract from their score...
This of course is a very silly example. The same applies to you as well...the more you are unable to meet there required needs..they take away from your score...
As time ventures on...the score could possibly get lower and lower....the more they don't ..the better chances are that you are haapy, loving and understanding of one another.
We do this in our minds subconciously. A "keeping score" system based on what we need to be happy. When those needs are not met....over and over and over....well to put it bluntly....GAME OVER.
To those out there that are not happy with being alone, I wish you guys all the love and happiness in the world. I know what you are going thru..many of us on this board know exactly what you feel. We are here to help you. The secret is not to dwell on your loneliness...but to dwell on your happiness. Let me ask you a simple question....
What makes you happy? If you answered "My ex"...you are NOT understanding what I am trying to accomplish here. You may FEEEEEEEEEEL happy when your ex is with you..BUT YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE for your OWN HAPINESS. YOU ARE!!!
MOST issues lie inward. Ya have an issue, no matter how big or small...we tend to do one of many things:
1.) We deny it
2.) We hide it
3.) We choose NOT to accept it
4.) We cover it with drugs, substance or alcohol
5.) We refue to accept what is real
6.) We try to replace what was wrong.
In my opinion, the key to growing is accepting that we are not perfect. We do silly things...we don't mean to hurt people...but the biggest problem I had...was not facing facts. When my girl left me...I told myself in the beginning that it was only temporary. I didn't even thing she was serious. I was NOT arrogant....I WAS IN DENIAL.
When she didn't call for a week..then two...REALITY HIT ME. SHE WAS GONE!! BYE BYE...SEE YA!!! SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEE"S Out of THERE!!
I was lost... so I thought. It took time. It took time and a 100% determination on my part to heal... to get ME back. Ya can't make people love you. You can buy flowers, rings, music... write a song, or a poem... but if they don't love you the way you love them... ya know what you have?
Ya have
Flowers
A Ring
Music
A Song
A poem
If love is NOT attached to the things you do ON BOTH SIDES... you are only left with "things"... NOT the love.
Why do we do the things we do for those we love... BECAUSE WE GET THE LOVE RETURNED WITHOUT ASKING FOR IT!!
Every single time... consistantly... over and over again.
The people that Truly love us, NEVER FAIL US... sure they may disappoint you... heck we are all human but when someone says they are sorry and they never do it again... you have your truth.
We all make mistakes... we all have been hurt... we all have opportunities that we maybe right now do not understand or how to find them. The answers start with you... and you only.
We have the ability to miracles. We can choose to get up depressed and sad or we can make a 100% effort to choose NOT to let this circumstance get you down... for long. You stand tall. You get up and educate yourself on the very thing you want to change for the better about you.
If someone doesn't want you... they just did you a favor ladies and gentlemen... they let you go so you can grow and be the better person you WANT and NEED to be. When you take this knowledge and you apply it to your daily life... you grow... you grow so incredibly fast and strong you will say.. "I can't believe I did it".
One day, you will come back to these very forums... you will help those who are in need maybe like you are feeling right now... you will be clear headed, open minded and you will try and show them the way of true greatness. WHY? Because you already found it... you always had it...
All you had to do is look in the mirror beyond your tears and sadness... beyond the hurt and pain you may be overwhelmed with right now and say..
"I am in here somewhere....I was not put on this planet to be sad and treated unkindly....I am here to love and be loved.....and it will be mine"
And so it shall... I have no doubt in my mind it will be give to you free of charge and you will be blessed for it.
Your Friend,
SuperDave71
