Me and this girl were together for 6 months and got on fantastically even though it took me a lot longer to realise than her how important she was. I had lots of family issues in July and was very distant and took few steps back. I think she got fed up with how I was and ended it. She asked me never to contact her again after I left lots of messages. We did speak online some 2 months later and she admitted she really missed me still and she was in tears talking about it all and she had to stop herself calling me loads of times. Anyway she said she can't go back as it took so much to end it and she never wants to feel like that again.

I saw light and sent flowers but promptly got email saying I meant what I said I am not going back over old ground. I am probably making the wrong decision and I may well regret it later but right now I know I can't feel like that again. Please don't ever contact me again. I did 4 weeks later to wish merry xmas and happy new year and she replied with the same wishing me well.

Now my question is why would a girl want absolute no contact forever when she admits she misses the friendship ? I personally think she knows if she saw me she would backtrack and for her why is this such a bad thing going back ? If it helps she is divorcée with 2 kids and her ex husband was not nice and she took him back after he promised changes and he didn't change. She said she has been there before accepting peoples promises of change and she promised herself she would never do it again. Am I dealing with her past and I guess there is nothing I can do and does anyone think she may melt and contact me when she ready ?

Whether its past issues or whatever, she has asked for you not to contact her so you must honor her wishes. What is in the future is any ones guess, but for now do as she has said, several times I might add. Time to move on.

Ditto tal's response...

She has asked you to not contact her. She would respect it if you remained distant as you are respecting her wishes by doing so...

Pull away for your own sake if not hers...

I can see where she is coming from, if she has been hurt by her ex (who never followed through with his promise to change). There is a possibility she may melt when she realises how many s are out there & misses you, but she sounds pretty stubborn so give it time & let her have her space.

Ok just to clarify I have stopped all contact with her and told her this in email at xmas when I was away. I realised I wasn't helping her or myself so don't need more posters advising to leave her as I have done that. I will do my best to move on however hard it is but I hope one day she does contact me as we had a wonderful friendship if nothing else.

I know exactly how your girl feels. Why would she want to put herself through that torture again. Sounds like you messed up big time. You need to show her with actions and not with words how you feel. She probably feels as though she's been fed a bunch of empty promises from you.

You are right lamby but too late now as I cannot do anything in terms of actions. I have to respect her decision and I cannot do anything but get on with my life and hope she melts just a little and realises we have got something worth saving. I know we definitely have as she does not know about my family situation at the time which caused me to have my head in a mess. My nan and dad both were diagnosed with cancer the month before we split. In our recent chat online she was most upset I think at the way I went awol in July but she doesn't know why and wouldn't let me explain. In her mind she is moving on and I guess I can't blame her but I know she making terrible mistake and she even admitted to me in that chat she cannot put herself through that again as it took so much to end it. She also said she may well be making the wrong choice and might regret it but right now she can't put herself through 'that' again.

You owe it to her to tell her why you went AWOL. You're telling me that she still doesn't know why? Maybe a good old fashioned letter not an email would do the trick. Write it down. Tell her what happened. In a way that is respecting her no contact rule... you are not calling, emailing or online chatting. Apologize for not being able to tell her sooner. Apologize for getting in contact even though she said no. Can you promise her that you won't be putting her through torture again?? That you will try to let her in?

With my guy it was like pulling teeth to get him to tell me about his Dad being rediagnosed with cancer. I just kept asking him if something else was wrong because he was acting really weird. He finally told me when I was a tad bit buzzed at my own wine and cheese party. It was awkward and weird and then I didn't know how to react later on. I let him set the precedent for our communications... and that's a laugh because he's awful at it.

I hope your Nan and Dad are doing well. This is awfully rough for you. Especially because you are learning as you go.

In life you don't get final confirmations that you've made the right choice. Not on careers, not on where you choose to live, not on anything. Not with love either. Love isn't enough. Love is a commitment to work on problems when it gets rough. When you've been living on your own for awhile it's sometimes hard to incorporate someone else into all of life's charming curve balls.

Tell her what a mistake you've made. How you now realize.

Once you've stated your peace then it's up to her. Sounds like she loves you, but she's afraid of getting hurt as she should be.

Past behavior predicts future behavior. Commit to yourself to change your ways, your communication style. It's possible.

This may not just be an instinct she's depending on to protect herself, but her kids as well. She may have come to the conclusion that this may not be a good time to date, period. Relationships now matter how good, can bring complications and confusion at times and she figures she needs to focus on the children right now. Kid's come first and she me be realizing that. It's best to leave her be.

I think all the contact after the break ruined your chances. Believe me in someon who has dated divorcées in the past - EVERYONE of them is/was stubborn as hell.

The only way she MIGHT come back is if you leave her alone - FOR MONTHS!!

Leave her alone - no more contact - IF she contacts you again.

Once again folks... if there's break - NO CONTACT for several months.

Flowers do not work, begging NEVER works, YOU CAN NEVER CONVINCE A WOMEN TO LIKE YOU,

Most likely - and you're not going to like this - buy now she's moved on to other men - dating someone else.

See - you annoyed the hell out of her. Do you 'annoyed' creates attraction?? no. You pushed her away.

I'd consider this one done - date other women. Move on.

See -you made yourself TOO available. Women, and for someoen reason, divorced women need a challenge.

Put Want What They Can't Have.

Well an update on this one having left her alone at the time of this message she was suddenly appearing on my msn online contacts again. I sent message saying I hoped things were good and she was well as I knew she had blocked me and the fact I could now see her I thought id take chance. She was back saying hi hunnie how are you and over the next 2 weeks we were chatting and texting and joking and briefly talked abuot what happened. She asked questions about if the girl in my pic on msn was my girlfriend and if not when would I get one. She text me one weekend when she knew I was away asking where was I. She is feeling very low she told me and I offered to call her but she said no please don't I'm not ready. It was all too much and too confusing for me and I had to tell her where I stood still and text her saying I still loved her and couldn't just be her mate. I got a reply saying get a life but found out next day it was her mate who replied. She said she is glad she knows how I still lfeel and perhaps it better if we don't keep in touch as if I feel like that it not fair on me. I agreed and said I needed to go away get over her and find a new girl and wished her all the best. Anyone know what to make of this sudden change in her attitude from asking me to NEVER contact her again. I am convinced she still feels a lot for me and if she was over me like she makes out though she never said she would be able to talk to me again on phone surely ?

You are doing a great job convincing yourself that there is still a chance for some sort of relationship. She has already moved on and so should you. You haven't changed her mind at all and now her mate is in on the fun. Stop all this by leaving her alone and not contacting her. Your only fooling yourself and until ou have taken the time to let yourself heal by leaving her alone, she can always keep you hanging on to a false hope.

I know you said that you decided on no contact. This sounds like the best idea. She is mixing your head up, by saying you haven't to contact her, and then she is speaking to you. For your own sake delete her no, don't look at her profile online. This isn't going to help you. If you have to ,change your profile to a new one. Try to take some control over the situation. It is best for you to let her think you have moved on, believe me I know from experience. I am nrearly 9 months down the line. No-one knows if an ex partner will come back. You have to live your life now : )

Excellent advice WAP and I totally agree with you - good to see some people speak some sense on here !

It takes a lot of time to feel better.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by wap

it takes a lot of time to feel better.

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Sure does, I still have my down moments after nearly 7 months...

It does get better though>>IN TIME! I assure you.

Listen to Wap and tal and wildcat and cut all contact.