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    Newguy2009's Avatar
    Newguy2009 Posts: 183, Reputation: 57
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    #81

    Mar 29, 2010, 12:47 PM

    Haha, that solves that problem, now doesn't it!
    kumbah's Avatar
    kumbah Posts: 3, Reputation: 3
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    #82

    Mar 29, 2010, 06:10 PM
    Ive been apart from my ex 9 months ,we have no contact , she lives 5 doors down from me , I say hello, that's all , she dumped me went back to her ex, no reason or anything , Ive been dating again several months now, so far so good, yes I still have lingering thoughts about her, but she's doing me a massive favour not getting in touch. This was the second time round with her after 2 and a half years, she dumped once , went back to her ex, I was heartbroken , she kept texting me inviting me round for coffee , no sex, just stringing me along, when it went sour with her ex , she hauled me back in, 4 weeks later she dumps me, I promised myself I was never going to hurt like I did before , she wasn't worth it, that gave me some strength , I didn't pine after her, in fact I hated her, now it doesn't matter who she sees and what she does, if she ever text me again Id just ignore her , I'm worth a lot more than that , my new girlfriend can see and appreciates that about me, my ex has done me a favour , shame she moved back on the same street as me last week, but we can't have it all ways ! Do yourself a favour , get over her , she doesn't want to know , she's just using you because she knows you'l be there for her.
    Sledsik's Avatar
    Sledsik Posts: 45, Reputation: 2
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    #83

    Mar 29, 2010, 07:27 PM

    So you guys really think she thinks that she could have me back whenever she wanted?
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #84

    Mar 29, 2010, 07:34 PM

    I hope not.
    Imabadman's Avatar
    Imabadman Posts: 303, Reputation: 135
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    #85

    Mar 30, 2010, 06:12 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Sledsik View Post
    So you guys really think she thinks that she could have me back whenever she wanted?
    I've got to chime in here... YES. I think that. Thus far your actions have made that very clear that you'd allow her to have her way with you anytime.

    Your thoughts and feelings are normal, however; remember only you control your actions. Respect yourself and the world will follow.
    Sledsik's Avatar
    Sledsik Posts: 45, Reputation: 2
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    #86

    Mar 30, 2010, 07:52 AM

    So is there any way to make her not think she has that power then. Or by keeping NC does it slowly fade away?
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #87

    Mar 30, 2010, 07:58 AM

    By ignoring her.
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #88

    Mar 30, 2010, 08:11 AM

    Keep NC forever and completely ignore her-forever.
    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,318, Reputation: 1612
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    #89

    Mar 30, 2010, 09:03 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Sledsik View Post
    So is there any way to make her not think she has that power then. Or by keeping NC does it slowly fade away?
    well, honestly, she does have that power a little, until you decide not to care about what she thinks.

    the focus here is not "is she strong", "is she hurting", "is she missing me", "is she playing games", "what is she thinking"...

    the focus is "what i think and feel is what matters"... you have to accept that she can think whatever she wants... it doesn't matter.

    its hard to do. You have to keep telling yourself that over and over. In time, it'll all pass. Nobody here can tell you how long it'll take... honestly it took me well over a year to really get over my first big love lost. And the next time, it took less time... and the next time even less. You just learn to understand some things about yourself and what you need to do to get from A to B.

    right now, you are struggling, in part, because you don't really want this breakup. Given a wish, you'd still be together.

    but... as things are, you aren't together and you aren't going to be... so you are trying to find peace living with option B... being healthy. And being healthy means you keep reminding yourself of what you need and why you are doing it. It's a lot more work. It means you have to fight your feelings a lot. Not fun stuff. Been there more than id like.

    but this is the place where you start meddling with what some call the cognitive thought process... where you start to train yourself to make your actions based more on your beliefs than your feelings.

    the idea is that feelings can be wacked. Unpredictable. Sudden. Changing. And while sometimes you must quickly act upon them without much thought, such as when there is an emergency, most of the time its better to try to gauge your actions based on your beliefs.

    it sounds like heady stuff, but it does work. You just need to keep it rolling around your head long enough... tell yourself anything long enough and you tend to believe it.

    example. Somebody calls a guy a punk. What should he do? Well... if you are on the street, you might slough it off if that kind of noise just happens all the time without consequences. You might confront the person, especially if they are a part of your social circle. You might get in their face. You might fight.

    if you are in prison and somebody call you a punk, you fight immediately. No hesitation. Somebody can call you all kinds of other "nastier" names and you might not give a damn... but if you are called a punk and you don't hit back, your life inside will be a living hell. Everybody will know you are a "punk" and everybody will know you won't fight back. That is The Reality.

    so... whatthehelldoesthishavetodowithyou?

    the second case might seem driven by fear or anger, but its really about a firm belief concerning survival. In the first case, it isn't about survival, so there seems to be more options.

    so... you start to have those times when you are feeling like crap. She keeps creeping into your head and your stomach is just in knots.

    its your job to focus less on how you feel (like crap) and more on what will be healthy... you need to trust the process, and that's hard to do right now because, like I said at the beginning, you don't have complete buy-in... you want to be with her, but cant. So you are doing your best to accept option B, like it or not.

    given a choice, and focused on my feelings, id never live apart from my son, age 6. if I focus on my feelings about this, it tears me up. I absolutely love that kid. He's my bud. But I believe I have a healthier relationship with his mother apart. And I believe my being healthy is most important. So... I don't live with my son anymore. It doesn't feel "right" all the time. Makes me sad often. But I trust and believe its needed. I see him as much as I can and make the most of my time with him, and it seems to work.

    I focus not as much on what I feel, but what I believe needs to be... and trusting that everything else will fall in place.

    that trust is hard to find, but you'll get there. Give yourself space and time, allow yourself to hurt and struggle, and accept that this is just where you are at the moment, not where you are going to be "stuck"

    you punk.

    =) joking.
    Imabadman's Avatar
    Imabadman Posts: 303, Reputation: 135
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    #90

    Mar 30, 2010, 11:32 AM

    You want your balls (power) back? Well then man up...

    Don't play her games. Don't allow her to manipulate you. As the other have said just ignore her. Should you run into her say hello and go on about your business. It's not necessarily about ignoring but rather just be unaffected by her actions, emotions, and tantrums. Be a man.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #91

    Mar 30, 2010, 02:52 PM

    Do the NC, and do your own thing. Then it won't matter what she thinks, or if she has power over you, or not.
    Sledsik's Avatar
    Sledsik Posts: 45, Reputation: 2
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    #92

    Apr 4, 2010, 10:08 AM

    Great, well I slipped up and sent her a text last night when I was drinking. Bothering me a little bit but not A lot, can def tell that I have been getting over her because she hasn't texted back and I don't really care if she does.
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #93

    Apr 4, 2010, 10:31 AM

    Well,you aren't the first,nor will you be the last person who has 'drunk-texted' an ex.

    Lesson learned, I hope...
    Sledsik's Avatar
    Sledsik Posts: 45, Reputation: 2
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    #94

    Apr 5, 2010, 06:28 PM

    Feel kind of depressed. I just deleted some pictures on Facebook of the ex and I and deleted all the wall posts between each other. I hope this was a good move. I don't really care if this upsets her or thinks I'm childish for doing it. Ive been doing okay just some of these moments of being depressed and sad are really making it hard sometimes. :-(
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #95

    Apr 5, 2010, 06:32 PM

    Keep remembering that this is for you.

    After a week or so, I threw out every photo, love note, memento, belonging that I new was going to remind me. (including emails & numbers, blocked her at the same time)

    All with tears in my eyes.

    I even found love notes buried in my sock drawer months later. Got me pissed not sad.
    Sledsik's Avatar
    Sledsik Posts: 45, Reputation: 2
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    #96

    Apr 13, 2010, 02:11 PM

    Well turns out that after I did that she untagged herself from the photos as well and right when that happened she says she is in a relationship. I actually surprised though that its not getting to me that much. Still sucks though but what can you do.
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #97

    Apr 13, 2010, 02:14 PM

    More reinforcement to move on.
    Good for you.
    Sledsik's Avatar
    Sledsik Posts: 45, Reputation: 2
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    #98

    Apr 13, 2010, 03:15 PM

    Her birthday is Saturday, she better not plan on hearing anything from me lol.
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #99

    Apr 13, 2010, 03:21 PM

    She won't
    Sledsik's Avatar
    Sledsik Posts: 45, Reputation: 2
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    #100

    Apr 18, 2010, 07:00 AM

    This completely sucks. I was out with some friends last night and ended up texting her Happy Birthday and that I hoped she had a great day. After that I asked her if she hated me and I haven't gotten anything back. Got home last night and deleted her from Facebook. I just don't know what's wrong with me.. I thought I would be over this by now but I guess Im not. I am just really doubting that these feelings won't end. Why do things have to be the way they are? I was nothing but good to this girl.

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