This is emotional blackmail! He is using you to take out the emotions that he refuses to deal with on his own. If you keep on placating him, it can and will, only get worse as time goes by. He sounds like an emotional time bomb to me. If and until, he works out his inside rage, you are not helping him or yourself at all by sticking around. You are only enabling him to do what he is doing, and giving him a little more rope each time you forgive him. You need to distance yourself from this, so you can see the clearer picture, or the next thing you could be telling us is that you need our help because he exploded and took it out on you. I'm talking from personal experience here, so trust me, I know how this can end up, and it's not very pretty.

Instead of keep starting a new thread about the same issue why don't you give feedback on the responses you already received? Also, address some of the issues that was pointed out to yp?

Threads merged

Hi I have been in a relationship now with my Fiancé for 4 years and have been engaged for just over 2. He is the type of guy who is very sensitive and keeps his feelings blocked inside him. I don't know why but I always feel as though I am way more attatched to him then he is to me. I have told him this and he said that I'm just being stupid and that you can't compare the 2 cause we are 2 different people. But surely you can as we are both in the same relationship? Also to make it worse whenever I try and talk to him about it he just sits there and doesn't say anything to reassure me, maybe its because I have told him so many times? I don't know? But I keep on feeling this way and its not going away! And I hate it. I no deep down that he doesn't care about me and love me but I just don't think it is as much as I love and care for him? Or am I just being paroniod? Also to make it worse when I do try and talk about it to him he completely ignores me and doesn't want to text back or anything. Which just makes me think even more that he's not bothered about wanting to sort out anything? Or making things better? He doesn't seem fussed? But why do I feel like this? Is it me or him? Because I can't work it out! I do love him so much but also I no that I am very needy and independent on him and sometimes I admit a bit obsessive, example:by keep texting or calling, especially when we have had an argument. He has told me that he just likes space to think about things. But why can't we just talk about it straight away like a normal couple? Am I getting like this because I am really independent from him and always want more? Or is it actually him not making enough effort with me/relationship? Please help me! I feel so trapped!!

Hi,
It is hard to forgive him, but the real fact is that he to loves you lot but at the same time he is in a dianamo with some other problem me be this causing problme he is not open with you and the same time don't over expect any one. Because no one proves as hero in evey aspect
What you can do is express your feelings completely to him. Defanately he will lesson to u. If u want something means you have to sacrifice something it means if any argument comes between you people try to compromise frm your side so that he felt happy initialley later he will defanately understand your feelings.

I don't think NORMAL and COUPLE should ever be in the same sentence.
There are no normal couples each come with there own set of circumstances,what works for one doesn't for the other.what I see in you'r post is this.when you'r wanting to talk about something this seriuos and important to you I wouldn't do it using a cell,text you have to know you have his attention.
Timeing is everything when you want to talk to a guy about sensitive,emotional type issues you don't wait until the minute he walks in the door,or during a game or program he's been waiting to watch,you have to set it up.weve done our best talking on drives,and on walks.
Also take the emotional "you don't love me as much as I do you" if he doesn't love you as much as you love him be happy you have found someone that you love this much and leave it at that.
Now what's going to make you happy or happier?
Share these things with him,leave out the YOU this and YOU that and tell him I.
Ex.I would like it if we did this together,we would benefit by doing this.

I agree with zippit. Normal and couple should not be in the same sentence. Every couple is different. Some guys just are the way your fiancé is. Myself included. Sometimes we just don't express our feelings as easily and vividly as others. I am kind of the same way with my wife, but it doesn't mean that I don't love her as much as she loves me. That's just my personality. Give him a little leeway here. But don't stop trying to talk to him about it once in awhile. The fact remains that he is a guy, and guys express their feelings far different from the way that women do. There is nothing wrong with him and he most likely loves you just as much as you love him.

Has it occurred to you that you might be driving him crazy with your doubts and your fears?

Because they are YOUR doubts and your fears. Why do you want and expect constant reassurance? Other than not pandering to your insecurities, has he given you any other cause to doubt the relationship or his love for you?

No one wants to be in a relationship with someone that is needy, insecure and needs constant reassurance. It's not much fun.

I'd suggest you might need to do some work on understanding where your need for reassurance comes from - if you don't, your fears about your fiancée may become a self fulfilling prophecy.

I think your expecting him to be one way, and he acts another. The first rule of couples is to accept your partner, and not change them.

Maybe less texting, and more personal interactions, and pick your spots better.

He can't do it your way, when he has his own, and you have your own. Less is more with quiet internal type guys, so stop pushing so much, and do more listening, when he does talk to you.

I think if you slow your tactics and give him the time and space to process what you have told him, you may get further down the road of honest communications with him.

Geez you have been with the guy for 4 years, seems you should know his style pretty well by now. You know he loves you so why try to squeeze more out the tube.

But on the other hand, you do seem some what insecure, and need a lot of reassurance, and I'm not sure why. That's something you would have to explain.

Maybe he is not physically supportive like when you need a hug, but he doesn't respond with one?

I bet he has trouble understanding emotional things about you.

All her threads have been merged to give a more complete picture

Thanks guys, you really have helped a lot, and your right, I don't know why myself but I AM needy of his attention and always want reassurance. Maybe its because he doesn't show me enough? Or maybe I expect too much from him? Who knows, but anyway thanks for the help guys, much appreciated x

I have been with my Fiancé now for 4 years, engaged for 2, whenever we have an argument which happens quite often to be honest, I'm not putting everything on him but its normally him the one that causes it, and he hardly ever apologises after and doesn't admit that he is in the wrong. For example we recently had a small argument 2 days ago, it was over nothing! Basically he was supposed to take me out the Friday just gone for a meal but he said he couldn't as he had no money, so I said OK fair enough, then the next day I saw him Saturday night and he told me that in the afternoon he had bought a £70 steering wheel fis his xbox! So I think any girl would be a little bit mad if their partner did that! So he basically lied to me! Because he did have money, and what was worse was when I was having a go at him about it all he could say was your stressing me out I don't want to see you for ages trying to turn it around on me! And I asked him only for an apology and all he could say was I'm not apologising for something I didn't do wrong! And now I haven't heard from him in the last 2 days AT all. He normally does this after an argument when he wants space, but its every single time! He has done so many small things to piss me off throughout our relationship! As if he doesn't appreciate me or something, and he knows that I always run back to him, so I think this is why he does it. It feels like he's trying to play games with me for the attention or something! But I have been strong and I haven't rang him or anything! I'm not waiting for him to contact me as he should!! He hasn't even asked how I am or anything, I know realistically it has only been 2 days but it feels longer then that and I've got a feeling he's going to try and keep this up for ages... I love him so much but I hate his attitude with me sometimes and the way he treats me... please help I don't know what to do... is love really enough in a relationship?

I don't know how old you are-early twenties?-but he comes across as a sulky little kid,and wouldn't you rather be in a relationship with an adult?
Leave him to sulk and go and do your thing.

Yeah I'm 21 nice guess, lol

OK I'm 21 and I have been going out with a guy now aged 25 in January, we started going out when I was 17 and he was my age, so I have been with him 4 years now, engaged for 2, We have had quite a lot of arguments in our relationship over the last 2 years I think, and a lot of the times he has tried to break up with me just because of one silly argument and has also said stuff that he doesn't mean because he is a very sensitive person which I do understand, and then a few days ago we had a stupid argument where it was his fault, he was supposed to take me out last Friday but said he had no money so I said OK fair enough then he goes out th next day and buys a £70 steering wheel for his x box, I don't know whether that's just guys for you or what? But of course I'm going to be annoyed! So I had a go at him for it and he wouldn't apologise or anything as if he thought that he didn't do anything wrong, and this is what most of our arguments are like, if its my fault I will apologise in the next minute, but if its him don't get me wrong he has apologised a few times but a lot of the time he hasn't. Anyway and then after that HE ignored me for 3 days, because I think he just wanted space so I didn't contact him either. But he acts like it was my fault, shouldn't it of been the other way round? Me ignoring him? The thing is in our relationship I am the very needy one and I love him so much and he knows this, every time we have an argument even if its his fault and he doesn't apologise I still go running back to him because if I'm not with him and I know that we have just had an argument or something I panick! (even if he's done something wrong) and he knows this and I just think it feels like he's taking me for granted. I know I need to stop doing it but I love him so much and its so hard to make him realise what he has got. Because it feels like sometimes he forgets how important I am to him. I know he loves me I can feel it when he holds me, but the other day after the argument on Friday and after the 3 days space I went round to his and he said that he didn't know whether his love was strong enough for me, and also didn't know whether he has a future with us anymore and also said he was happier on his own!! So can you imagine how much that hurt me? I can't stop thinking about those words! I'm sure any girl would be the same? He has said in the past he didn't want to be with me after arguments and then the next day said he didn't mean it and that he was being sensitive but never anything like this, that he didn't love me and about our future etc, but then I saw him last night and asked if he love was still strong for me? And he said yes, but he won't let me ask him anymore questions about what he said, I think he's just trying to block it out, we did decide to forget about it, but its still very hard for me, I think he gets very very confused about his feelings sometimes, this is why I just don't know what to believe! Also I think maybe he might just be with me because he feels bad or something? But then I know that he does love me and I know he's happy with me! I think he just gets very confused! Please help! Any thoughts? Thanks

Posts merged, there is no need to post the same question over, and over

Back up, and leave the guy alone for a while, so you both can get unconfused. You are overwhelming to say the least.

This situation with you and your BF has been going round, and round, and round for ages now.

You are both emotionally dysfunctional. You're incredibly needy and he's incredibly resistant to your neediness.

You talk about love, but your connection to this guy is related to fear, fear that he doesn't love you, fear that he doesn't give you enough, fear that he will leave you.

In one way he likes your neediness and feeds on your fear - because it makes him feel important - but on the other hand it drives him crazy.

Don't get me wrong I'm not blaming you - you're both creating this push and pull merry-go-round in the relationship.

I suspect that nothing I suggest will change your situation because you're so hooked into the pattern you've created with him. Eventually he WILL tire of it and he'll close down completely. He will break up with you permanently.

I will suggest however, that you would benefit from counseling - on your own - to examine your neediness and fears - and to start changing these behaviors so that you can have greater success with relationships in the future.

At the moment, regarding the BF, you'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Does he ever act needy or insecure?

No he's not needy of me at all he's very independent. I merge it over and over again because my question seems to disappear straight away so I keep having to merge it.
Gemini54 thanks for your answer you have got it spot on, I am very much like that, but that still doesn't help me with why he's acting the way he does, by not apologising for any of his mistakes, and also saying that he doesn't want to be with me anymore or love me for no reason etc etc... when all I have ever done is love him, I feel as though he is taking me for granted because he knows how needy I am of him which is very unhealthy in a relationship and I feel like I am going mad, so maybe your right, maybe I should go to a counseling session, I am very emotional about this.

Also forgot to say... he says he doesn't love me or can't see his future with me etc... and then the next day things are brilliant again, he says that he was just being sensitive and thinking negatively, but now everything he does for me I think he's doing it out of guilt, or maybe he feels like he has to? Because he also said to me that he's not ready for a relationship and doesn't know what he wants anymore. Then the next day when were hugging and close to each other he's the opposite as if nothing ever happened and he didn't say any of that to me. But he did and it really hurt me and he's refusing to talk about it. I think he's trying to block it out