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-   -   When your boyfriend doesn't plan anything for my birthday (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=429168)

  • Dec 29, 2009, 02:41 AM
    zameks
    When your boyfriend doesn't plan anything for my birthday
    I've been dating this guy for 4 months now and today is my 31st birthday and he has not planned anything. He says he is broke! I was clearly not in his plans as he was able to buy himself a computer and games!! I'm livid! I've got a good mind of going out tonight without him... Am I too sensitive?
  • Dec 29, 2009, 02:47 AM
    J_9
    What did he get you for Christmas?
  • Dec 29, 2009, 02:48 AM
    hheath541

    No, you're not being too sensitive. If you've been in an actual relationship for the past 4 months and he made no effort to recognize your birthday, you have every right to be upset.

    Go out without him. Spend time with friends. Hang out. Have fun. Celebrate your birthday. Then talk to him tomorrow, or rethink the relationship.
  • Dec 29, 2009, 02:50 AM
    J_9
    He may be broke. Again, did he get you anything for Christmas? If so, was it an extravagant gift in his budget.

    4 months really isn't a long enough time to be EXPECTING something. Do you know if he might surprise you with something? Remember, the holidays just passed. Many of us are broke right now.
  • Dec 29, 2009, 03:06 AM
    zameks
    He got me nothing for Christmas... he is broke because of that stupid computer and games!! Well J_9 I don't think it's too early to be expecting something, our relationship is fairly young and this is when he should be scoring points with me...
  • Dec 29, 2009, 03:17 AM
    J_9
    I guess we have to agree to disagree. I do see your point though, but you may be expecting too much.

    When I began dating my husband, many years ago, he was broke when my birthday rolled around. So, rather than spending money on me, he cooked me dinner and we went camping for the weekend. However, 18 years later, he threw me the biggest most expensive surprise party for my 40th birthday.

    I guess I just see it differently than you do.
  • Dec 29, 2009, 04:32 AM
    redhed35

    Take a look at the bigger picture..

    How does he normally treat you?

    Do you think he should have spent the computer money on you?

    4 months is not long,16 weeks,are things that serious between you at this stage that you expect a big gift?

    Perhaps he should have thought of something to mark the day for you.

    If it's a big deal for you,say something and then let it go,if your still together by your next birthday perhaps he will remember.

    For me,at 4 months into the relationship,it's a little over sensitive...
  • Dec 29, 2009, 10:18 AM
    talaniman

    If he didn't get you anything for Christmas, why would you expect anything for your birthday?

    I doubt he cares much about scoring points with you, so what's been keeping you around for the last 4 months?

    What did you get him for Christmas? What points have you been scoring?? Evidently, not enough.

    Are you sure your even in a relationship?
  • Dec 29, 2009, 10:25 AM
    Justwantfair

    I think four months is a bit early for such expectations.

    He is apparently not planning you into a long term future. If you care enough to let this bother you, then I don't see a future in your relationship myself.

    If indeed he did purchase a computer and games at this time of season and not a single gift for others, why would you want a relationship with someone showing you how self-absorbed they can be?
  • Dec 29, 2009, 10:29 AM
    amicon

    He sounds very selfish and uncaring-and I wouldn't say he is a keeper. I would get out of this relationship.
  • Dec 29, 2009, 10:36 AM
    sully123

    I think he is in to himself. It's time to move on to someone who can treat you the why you want to be treated. It seems to me, he is selfish. Is this someone your dating or are you girlfriend and boyfriend. Maybe he isn't looking for the same thing you are. Doesn't excuse him for not acknowledging your birthday.
  • Dec 29, 2009, 10:40 AM
    Jake2008

    Nobody is 'owed' anything on their birthday. Gifts are given, but should not be expected. This isn't something you are entitled to. And it sounds to me like your expectations are too great of a person who isn't exactly tuned in to remembering people on their birthdays.

    That being said, he should be polite enough to at least give you a card, get up off his derrierre, and take you for a nice long walk, have coffee, and maybe bring along a birthday candle to stick in your muffin. Nothing has to be extravagant. It could be simple, romantic, and fun.

    He does sound immature and selfish to me to a degree. But, maybe this 'fault' of his might be minor compared to other areas of your relationship together. Only you can say.

    If he is the type of person who puts himself and his needs (and money) ahead of simple things like celebrating a birthday, I would question being in a relationship with someone like that.

    It doesn't take the smarts of a brain surgeon to know that he's a bit out of step with what most of us, would be expecting on our birthdays.

    Surely you are worth his time at least. A card from the buck store with a dollar lottery ticket would be better than nothing.

    One thing is for certain. You can't demand something from someone who is not capable of giving it.
  • Dec 29, 2009, 10:43 AM
    jmjoseph

    There are loads of things that he could have done to mark both occasions, and he decided against it.

    What is it about this guy that you do like?

    I agree, at four months it is a little early for extravagant gifts, but even on the third date, I would do something nice for you.

    Maybe this is a little deeper look into who he really is. This guy isn't a teenager (or is he?). He should know by now that special people in your life should have something special done for them on both of these days.

    Even if it's just a note, meal, card, whatever. Thoughtfulness has no price tag.

    But at only four months, don't compare the cost of the things that he DID buy, to what you expected.

    How is he about taking you out? Has he spent any money on you at all? I mean like on dates?
  • Dec 29, 2009, 11:07 AM
    Justwantfair
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by jmjoseph View Post
    He should know by now that special people in your life should have something special done for them on both of these days.

    Or it may in fact be a sign for the future, a red flag, if you will, and a reason for why he is single.
  • Dec 29, 2009, 11:19 AM
    Synnen

    My first reaction to this was to double check the ages--this was waaaaaay too much like a 13 year old rather than a 31 year old.

    You are owed NOTHING for your birthday. It's nice when people remember, but no one is obliged to call, write, send a card, get you a gift, or plan an event.

    If you don't share the same values on what people do for christmas and birthdays, then 4 months is practically no time at all. Drop him and find someone who treats you up to your expectations.

    Just remember that you can't expect a person to be perfect at EVERYTHING. If he gets the day-to-day stuff down perfectly, then you have to ask yourself if the "special" stuff is worth it to you. Not saying that either one is better than the other--you have to decide what YOU can live with.

    Better to decide after 4 months that you can't deal with it, than after 4 years.
  • Nov 26, 2011, 05:57 PM
    ashbada
    Two words: selfish and inconsiderate.

    Does he get his mother something for her birthday?

    You should dump him. I'm going through the same thing with my boyfriend and I've been with him 7 months. I wonder if this is a precursor for future behavior? Some people only think about themselves, and make unrational, uncaring mistakes...

    Since I found out my boyfriend hasn't planned any thing, or asked me to do any thing for my birthday, I've stepped away. I almost feel like something is saying "heres your sign" take it or continue the relationship. I just don't know what to do. I care deeply for him, but selfishness is perhaps the most unadmirable trait or quality that someone can possess. It has to do with ego, self absorption, and an utter sense of "self" importance... their needs are more important than taking care of another perssons (it doesn't matter if it's family or friends) . Often people who are like this don't have many friends because they are unable to be a friend. They are too busy taking care of their own needs to give back what a relationship or friendship needs to survive. I hope that you've found a solution to your question and wish you the best of luck.

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