Ask Me Help Desk - When someone says they love me; what do they really mean?

Do people know what love really is? When you speak the words to another "I Love You". Is it sincere?? I don't know how it feels to be truly loved by someone. I would not know what the feeling is like. I have attempted to exude love to others, but when you have expectations of having that same love given back to you ten fold, when that does not happen, you become disappointed.

At this point, I am disappointed. Disappointed in myself, disappointed in life, and disappointed in love. I am in a deep depressive state at this point in my life.

I have gone to counseling, many times. I have sought the refuge of the chruch. I have prayed constantly. I believe the reason that I am at this point in my life, is because of the decietful, and unrighteous life I have lead thus far. Being in this hellish torment daily of not liking myself, not being loved unconditionally, not being a successful person, are all my own fault.

You create your own destiny, I know this. I know what I put out into the world, is what you get back in some way, shape , or form. Karma! This is my Karma. I have attempted to make changes, and to my own disappoint, I have failed at that too.

What should I do?

Hi, sweetface,
Age has much to do with saying "I love you".
After being married for 29 yrs, and at 64 yrs old, I know what love is.
Love takes awhile. Meeting someone for the first time, getting to know them, maybe, if lucky, them liking you, too. Maybe after some time, like a year, they begin feeling more like being in love, caring, respecting, compromising with you, and wanting to be with you all the time.
Please don't give up!
You have taken a big step at posting your great question here. Take the next step, and be positive about it. Start looking at the "good" in life, and thinking about how wonderful it really can be.
Keep your thoughts on today; not yesterday, not the passed, but just today.
What will you think about today? Positive things?
Get out and meet someone with a big SMILE on your face. A Smile shows you care, and are interested in someone; even yourself! A Smile will help change attitudes, and you will be amazed at how others will react to you. I do wish you the best, and hang in there.

Thanks for the encouraging words. I am 32 years old so I have been in plenty of romantic relationships. I guess I am at a point of a "midlife crisis" a point when I don't want to be here anymore. Not because of someone, but because of myself

Did you lie to people...
Did you play tricks on others while young and growing up...
Did you have selfish thoughts...
Did you play with another's emotions...
Did you ever feel jealousy in your life and think of mean things to do to others...
Did you cheat in school...
Did you ever use any mind-altering substances, either alcohol, drugs or medicines...
Did you feel good when someone you knew was down in the dumps and not having a good life...
Did you ever let greed take over...
Did you ever steal anything larger than a pencil or more expensive than 5 dollars...
Did you ever think of having or had a relationship with a married man...

All these questions will be answered YES to by at least two million women your age in this world, - to include myself.

And, yes, I've also had the feeling that if I went to sleep one night, and never woke up - it would not matter to me at all.

Yes, I've also had the feeling of not being loved or accepted as a person, and it hurt like hell.

I've also been abused in my life, raped, and am a dry alcoholic (dry for 20 years now)

I've also had to raise a child on my own because I married a child-abuser.

I've also had several unhappy relationships and am still single, again.

Even though I am medically retired due to illness, and can hardly go out of the house without assistance, I am 55 years old and made my degree in Family Therapy at the age of 53.

The hardest part was having to give up a good job because my body is not as healthy as I want it to be, and it frustrates me, not being able to earn more money, as I did before.

I am seeing a therapist myself (as you know, we can help others, but not ourselves) and hope that she will help me get out of a depression that I let slip up on me before doing something about it. This has a lot to do with my retirement - and standard of living that I have to endure now.

In other words, don't let guilt, loneliness, envy, or any other emotion take full control over you without looking at the whole picture and trying to do something about it.

If you, at your age, are still physically fit and have family and friends that you enjoy spending time with. (when you don't feel unworthy), then you are luckier than a lot of other women in the world who are really alone, lost all their family through wars, tragedies, etc.

Feeling unworthy is, in my opinion, the worst state that you can put yourself into, seconded only by guilt. Go back to a therapist and this time, let it all out. Not just the things you think are wrong, but all of it, and let them help you get your self-respect back.

You can also feel free to PM me any time to get deeper into things if you like, I'll try and help in any way I can.

Just don't give up on yourself, there is still hope and a future for you, as long as you breathe.

You are also still giving yourself a chance here, since you are expressing yourself instead of doing something drastically stupid. So, please do what you have to, and get out of this slump.

Lots of luck, dear.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

And now, getting back to your Title of this thread...
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_3_16.gif
When someone says they love you...
They do, and you don't believe them because you don't feel worthy.
They like everything about you, you make them feel the joy you radiate, even if it's fake... But right now, you still could not take this at face-value.
They love the moment with you, so much so that they just spurted out this phrase as a token of emotion - accept it.

So, please accept the phrase, don't read more, and don't read less at the time and circumstance in which it's given.

Again, good luck to you, and please don't give up on yourself.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

Chery,

Thank you for the words! They are appeciated. I do feel like giving up, but from the perspective that you have placed in your thread, I feel like you are right. There are far, far worst situations that I could be in right now in my life. So why do I make things so difficulty

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetface

Chery,

Thank you for the words! They are appeciated. I do feel like giving up, but from the perspective that you have placed in your thread, I feel like you are right. There are far, far worst situations that I could be in right now in my life. So why do I make things so difficulty

Don't feel alone in this assessment either, I've also asked myself that question. Maybe we have to be down so low, to finally realize that there is still a space for us and then make the effort to fight for the right to occupy it.

I had to realize that I still had something of value to others, since I am such a people person, and my loneliness made me forget that fact. So, I started to go out more and joined this forum to help others that feel the type of need that I felt.

We all go through so many emotions in life, that it's hard to sort them out or understand right away. As long as you maintain the conviction that you are somebody and that you have as much a right to be here as anyone else, you'll do just fine. Keep in contact with us, through PM or on other posts, dear.

Again, all the best.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetface

Do people know what love really is? When you speak the words to another "I Love You". Is it sincere?? I don't know how it feels to be truly loved by someone. I would not know what the feeling is like.

The sincerity of another's love for you cannot be found in words alone, but rather in actions. My man tells me he loves me all the time. But, it's not because he tells me that I know that he loves me--I know he loves me by the way he treats me and by the things he does for me and by the things he does for "us." When you are consistently (day after day.. . Year after year) treated by your loved one with kindness, consideration, respect, devotion, desire, and affection--then you will know what it feels like to be loved.

Quote:

I have attempted to exude love to others, but when you have expectations of having that same love given back to you ten fold, when that does not happen, you become disappointed.

I'm so sorry that you haven't met the right person yet, but you can't focus on disappointment. You are 32 years old. I didn't meet the love of my life until I was 41 years old. But, the thing is--I wasn't looking for him when he appeared in my life. You can have an amazing, fullfilling life as a single person. It is far better to be alone than to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't make you feel loved or makes you feel like crap about yourself. Finding the right person to share your life with is the icing on the cake.

Quote:

At this point, I am disappointed. Disappointed in myself, disappointed in life, and disappointed in love. I am in a deep depressive state at this point in my life.

I have gone to counseling, many times. I have sought the refuge of the chruch. I have prayed constantly. I believe the reason that I am at this point in my life, is because of the decietful, and unrighteous life I have lead thus far. Being in this hellish torment daily of not liking myself, not being loved unconditionally, not being a successful person, are all my own fault.

If you will take the time to love yourself--to respect yourself--your sense of disappointment will fade. Don't beat yourself up. Don't call yourself a failure. Every day when you wake up in the morning, you are reborn. Yesterday was a learning experience--you gained from the experience, but it's over. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. You are successful if you can put a smile on your face, enjoy a nice hot shower, get dressed, and leave the house to meet the day.

Quote:

You create your own destiny, I know this. I know what I put out into the world, is what you get back in some way, shape , or form. Karma! This is my Karma. I have attempted to make changes, and to my own disappoint, I have failed at that too.

What should I do?

Smile! Let the sun shine down on your face, take pleasure in breathing in the fresh air, and be kind to people. You can start by being kind to yourself! Smile!

Have you done a lot of bad things and feel you don't deserve to be loved! Ask the God that you understand to forgive you,and then forgive YOURSELF! When you look in the mirror in the morning, tell the person you see, have a good day and I LOVE YOU! It all starts with YOU! Good Luck, We all love you ,(what more could you ask for?):cool: :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetface

Being in this hellish torment daily of not liking myself, not being loved unconditionally, not being a successful person, are all my own fault.

This caught my eye - and tells me about you. Some truths:

If you cannot accept yourself, you'll never let someone else accept you.
If you cannot love yourself, you'll never let anyone else love you.
If you can never be happy, you'll never be happy as a result of a relationship with someone else.

Like Debra and Talaniman said - it comes down to you.

You can not love someone until you love yourself first. You have to be able to look in the mirror and like that person looking back at you. Would you have fun hanging out with that person?

Love is not something that happens over night - people confuse lust, smitten, and really like with love. I think love takes months of being together and sharing each others time and enjoying it.