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    What do I do if my girl best friend takes me for granted?

    Asked Apr 1, 2012, 04:24 AM 16 Answers
    My friend and I used to be so close with one another. We loved each other to pieces, and she would always put me before any other guy or any other friend in general. We never lied to each other and we never kept secrets from each other. But lately we've been getting into arguments about the smallest, dumbest things. It's been tearing us apart, and it feels like she's come to trust me less and less.

    Most of the arguments have been based around how she's been taking me for granted already. She treats me like crap, and always expects me to stay with her. When I used to leave her, she would get sad and say she 'needed me in her life'. But lately, she doesn't even care if I'm gone or misses me. She played a huge role in my life and I just don't want to lose her. She's like my little sister, and I never want to have to say goodbye to her, but this is getting too far. I'm getting less and less respect from her every day.

    Knowing her, she 'jumps' from guy to guy for friendships. For a while, I was genuinely her #1 guy friend, but as time has gone on, I've become less special. Nowadays there's nothing that separates how she treats me from how she treats her other guy friends. She even treats some of the others better. She lies to me, hides from me, and won't even let me touch her or be close to her, like we both used to do when we first met.

    I'm so confused. I don't know what to do to get my best friend back.

    Last edited by talaniman; Apr 2, 2012 at 10:59 PM.
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    16 Answers
    DaniCalifornia's Avatar
    DaniCalifornia Posts: 655, Reputation: 151
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    #2

    Apr 1, 2012, 05:46 AM
    How long have you known each other? How old are you both? Is there anything that's happening in her life that could be impacting your friendship?

    x Dani
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    Tmprun76's Avatar
    Tmprun76 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Apr 1, 2012, 07:16 AM
    We ve known each other for four years, but have become really close only within the past 4-5 months. She's 17 and I'm 18, both seniors in high school. I'm not sure there's anything impacting her significantly. She tells me EVERYTHING about her life. But then again, lately she hasn't told me anything. However, I know for a fact that she switches from friends to friends a lot. It's really twisted and messed up in a way. But I thought that I was special. That no matter how much she switched with others, that I would always be her favorite, just like she was mine. I was wrong.
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    DaniCalifornia's Avatar
    DaniCalifornia Posts: 655, Reputation: 151
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    #4

    Apr 1, 2012, 07:26 AM
    Maybe she's meeting new friends. I don't speak to any of the friends I had at school or college, bar one, who I've been best friends with for over 7 years.

    It seems like you're relying on her a lot friend-wise. If it's impacting you this much, you should also make friends with other people. I say this as I was in your position when I was 17, and the bloke ended up ditching me for another group of friends and we no longer speak.

    I'm not implying you don't have any friends, but try going out with a different person or group to see whether she perks up socially with you.
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    Tmprun76's Avatar
    Tmprun76 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Apr 1, 2012, 07:50 AM
    Yeah. I mean I do have other groups. And I hang out with them a lot. It used to be where she would get mad at me for hanging out with them over her, which was kind of funny. But now she doesn't even care really. She says she's gotten to a point where she's become 'confortable' in our relationship. In other words, now she thinks it's okay to take me for granted. I don't necessarily rely on her friendship a lot. I've got other friends that are much more reliable and are overall better friends. But I've never been as close with a friend, as I have with her. I love this girl so much, and it's really difficult to just move past her. She impacted my life in so many ways, it's just sad to see what's become of her. I see no reason to leave her unless some extremely dramatic happens. Otherwise, I just want to gain her trust back. I can't play 'attention games' with her anymore (where I deprive her of my attention to have her cone to me) I've done it before, and it worked. But it won't again.
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    DaniCalifornia's Avatar
    DaniCalifornia Posts: 655, Reputation: 151
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    #6

    Apr 1, 2012, 07:58 AM
    In that case, she isn't worth it. Why wait for someone that doesn't seem to care? Particularly if she wanted to restrict what friends you had. She sounds a tad immature. You can have this bond again with someone else, who won't use you.
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    Tmprun76's Avatar
    Tmprun76 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Apr 1, 2012, 08:10 AM
    I know, and it's true. She definitely can be 100% immature. But she has a different side to her. And it comes out occasionally. It's sincere, and caring and friendly. She never used me. And never would. I've seen her use other guys, and I scolded her for that. But she's never used me. And I know I can find someone else, but it just won't be the same. Plus I feel that there's still hope. She's just kind of nave and oblivious to the way she treats others sometimes. Deep down she's a very kind-hearted, friendly girl. But she's been acting strange lately. I mean, how would I approach her to ask for change and respect? I know what things to ask, but how should I come about saying them?
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    DaniCalifornia's Avatar
    DaniCalifornia Posts: 655, Reputation: 151
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    #8

    Apr 1, 2012, 08:41 AM
    You're mourning over the friendship, so concentrating mainly on the things you miss, remember.

    What things are you wanting to ask?
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    Tmprun76's Avatar
    Tmprun76 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Apr 1, 2012, 08:50 AM
    I just want to know what went wrong, if anything. Why she's taking this friendship differently. And why she won't put an effort to be 'bestfriends' again. I don't think I did anything wrong, but it's like she's avoiding me now. Guess she's just bored of me or something..
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    DaniCalifornia's Avatar
    DaniCalifornia Posts: 655, Reputation: 151
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    #10

    Apr 1, 2012, 08:59 AM
    I don't understand why you don't just go about your business without her. If I were you, I'd be pissed off. Try and gain a "Well if you won't bother with me, then you don't deserve to know me" attitude.
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    Tmprun76's Avatar
    Tmprun76 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Apr 1, 2012, 09:05 AM
    We sit next to each other in class -__-
    She's constantly there to remind me. Plus I would, but it's not going to matter. She's just going to forget about me, and I'll be the one left with the scars. I just want a chance to make things right with her. We've made up before, and she's changed for the better, before. But I don't know what's going on now. This is my senior year, and if I don't make up with her properly, then I'll lose this girl forever.
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    DaniCalifornia's Avatar
    DaniCalifornia Posts: 655, Reputation: 151
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    #12

    Apr 1, 2012, 09:13 AM
    Then treat her as a classmate instead of a friend.

    I'm struggling to understand what you want from us here. You're either her friend or you're not. You can't force her into making you the most important thing in her life.
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    Tmprun76's Avatar
    Tmprun76 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Apr 1, 2012, 09:34 AM
    Yeah.. That's how it used to be though. :/ All that you've said definitely makes sense. I'll figure something out. I'll probably just ask her to make a final choice and leave it at that. Thanks for the advice though :)
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    DaniCalifornia's Avatar
    DaniCalifornia Posts: 655, Reputation: 151
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    #14

    Apr 1, 2012, 09:39 AM
    I hope things work out for you. :)
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    Tmprun76's Avatar
    Tmprun76 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Apr 1, 2012, 09:55 AM
    Thank you
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    Lakkkk's Avatar
    Lakkkk Posts: 14, Reputation: 5
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    #16

    Apr 1, 2012, 12:03 PM
    Holy crap, this sounds just like my situation, except I fell for my closest friend. I understand how it doesn't feel as special anymore, how certain things have changed, now you are left saying "that's how it used be." I ended up leaving my friend because one, I couldn't just be friends with a girl I was in love with, two, things changed a lot. I didn't feel like I was that special person to her anymore. Before you give her an ultimatum just remember the consequences, because when I run into my friend I can tell it's awkward for her, and she's cold towards me. I don't know if things will change betweens us, so what I say for you to do is just do you and let your friend do her. Let her jump from guy to guy, if she's being ungrateful you just fall back and keep it moving and she may or may not come back. Like Dani said you might make the same bond but with a different person, maybe that's what your friend is doing right now. I know it sucks because it feels like you're losing her but if you give her an ultimatum like I did you might never have her in your life again, especially since you think of her as a great person.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 51,573, Reputation: 10720
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    #17

    Apr 2, 2012, 11:22 PM
    She is what she is. A person that goes from guy to guy in a friendly way. Accept it and be grateful to your time, but it is time to let her go and not be stuck now that she has changed her feelings and no longer gives you that attention that you are wanting back.

    Sorry, the problem isn't her its you. She is doing her thing, her way and enjoying it, and unfortunately for you she sits next to you in class. A constant reminder of what was, but is no more. Its challenging for sure, but you have to keep doing your thing until the inevitable sinks into your head. She was just a passing fancy, here today gone tomorrow. Or at least out of reach.

    For now you just have to struggle through seeing her as a class mate, let her do her thing, and you do yours without her.
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