So, me and my ex had taken little breaks before, but we always said we would be committed to each other regardless. However, we broke up for 6 months, but during this time we did everything a couple did,so it was like we were still in a relationship&he assured me he was committed to me, and that he couldn't be in a relationship at the time, because of things in his life.I found out I may have an std, so I told him&he confessed to cheating on me a little while back. I moved and we began to have problems,and he said we had lost the spark&his flesh led him into temptation, and that he is sorry he didn't tell me, and he feels miserable about the deceit, and he still loves me and wants us to have something,but it will take a lot of work. I still love him, I know we were "splitup,"but he said we were committed, its not that he cheated, it's that he lied, if he hadn't told me that he was committed to me,then I wouldn't be upset, because I stayed committed to him. How do I know if he is sincere, if he really made a mistake,and regrets it, or if he just came clean because of the std, which I am unsure of, because I haven't been to the doctor.I had noticed that he wasn't looking me into my eye lately, and had a wall built up, now I wonder is that why? Is that why he couldn't be in a relationship with me, because of guilt, or is he just ashamed because of the std, because technically he didn't get caught he confessed.I feel like he can't face me right now,but I want answers.. I don't understand how you can do that to someone you love, but the way he is 24, and I am 23.I lost my virginity to him at 21.

To be blunt:

It doesn't sound like you have a relationship if you keep 'taking breaks'. Who keeps suggesting the 'breaks'? I am betting on him for most of them. Even, if there wasn't the 'cheating' issue, I would suggest leaving him to his lack of spark and weak flesh.

You deserve a relationship that doesn't play on/off again games.

It will hurt and it won't be easy. However, it will hurt less now than in two years when you realize he not only gave a few more std's but got another girl pregnant.

First, go get a checkup. Second, take time to yourself, by yourself. Chances are, that this guy is not the one that you want to be with. Even though he didn't "cheat", he put you at risk by having unprotected sex with someone, and then you. There's really no telling how many girls he was with, and what he has. Don't have sex with him for now, and even if you do in the future, use protection. I wish you the best.

Warning!

Someone that asks you to hang around, tells you he's committed, but isn't in a relationship with you wants to have his cake and eat it too.

He's got the best of both worlds. He's got you, patiently waiting in the wings believing that he's 'committed'. Then he's got the others. He sows his wild seeds and brings them right home to you. And he doesn't practice safe sex!

Dump his lying ar$e. You deserve much better than this. Clearly the relationship isn't working because he wants to have breaks, lies and cheats.

Now he's given you an STD.

The time for waiting in the wings is over. Take back your strength and pride and tell him you're looking for a real man, not a liar and a cheat.

Choose someone that deserves your commitment.

Thanks for the replies.When it came to our breaks, sometimes it was his idea and sometimes it was my idea. Also the std.. it was actually hpv&i had already been diagnosed with it when we were together,but it was highrish, the type that can lead to cervical cancer, but a couple of weeks ago I noticed a breakout so I don't know if it was from him or not. I understand what you guys are saying. So, you guys think that no one deserves a second chance?On one hand I want to give him a second chance, if he can earn my trust back. You think there is no way he is sincere and realizes what he did and really wants to committ this time?

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Originally Posted by nicky0825

Thanks for the replies.When it came to our breaks, sometimes it was his idea and sometimes it was my idea. Also the std..it was actually hpv&i had already been diagnosed with it when we were together,but it was highrish, the type that can lead to cervical cancer, but a couple of weeks ago i noticed a breakout so i dont know if it was from him or not. I understand what you guys are saying. So, you guys think that no one deserves a second chance?On one hand i want to give him a second chance, if he can earn my trust back. you think there is no way he is sincere and realizes what he did and really wants to committ this time?

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Seems to me like you already gave him second chances when you had breaks.

I'm concerned that he wants you to hang around, but not be in a relationship with him.

You're either in the relationship, or you're not. Why don't you make a clean break?

I don't know.. its not that easy to just make a clean break.. I wish I could, but I really love him&he has a big piece of my heart.I don't want to be naïve, however.maybe I'm a little scared.I feel like at times neither one of us were in a position to be in a realationship, because we were in different spots in our life, and we both pushed the issue, because we didn't want to let each other go, when maybe we should have just let each other go,and moved on.I think timing has a lot to do with relationships and our timing was off. What happened is his fault, but I am mad at myself for pushing the issue of us being together.I mean does this mean he wasn't a good person, and never loved me, did he make a mistake, can he learn from this,and try to make things better, is there any hope?

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Originally Posted by nicky0825

I dont know..its not that easy to just make a clean break..i wish i could, but i really love him&he has a big piece of my heart.I dont want to be naive, however.maybe im a little scared.i feel like at times neither one of us were in a position to be in a realationship, because we were in different spots in our life, and we both pushed the issue, because we didnt want to let each other go, when maybe we should have just let each other go,and moved on.I think timing has alot to do with relationships and our timing was off. What happened is his fault, but I am mad at myself for pushing the issue of us being together.i mean does this mean he wasnt a good person, and never loved me, did he make a mistake, can he learn from this,and try to make things better, is there any hope?

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I think that the real issue is that you're afraid of being alone, so it was easier to be on a break in your relationship with him, that actually making a break. You say you love him but it sounds to me like you want to cling to him, and are afraid of being alone. This is not love.

His actions speak loudly, and I suspect he has started to distance himself. He's told you the spark isn't there and he's putting up a wall. He may be afraid of hurting you also because you are needy. In the end, it's not about him - it's about you - why would you want to cling to something that has run its course?

He may have a big piece of your heart but it's time to take it back. He's telling you that it's over. It's always hard to end things, but he will respect you in the end for being strong.

I see where you are coming from.Its like before I dated him I never even wanted a boyfriend. I don't know if he is trying to control me, because I have tried to push him away, I have not talked to him for a month&he tries to come back to me, he says he can't let me go.. is that just he wants to control me?its not just me who is holding on to the relationship, he is to,because he won't leave me alone!

In two years, how many times have you been on a 'break'? How much time have you actually spent as a committed couple? What is the longest you have been committed to each other between breaks? Be honest.

Just because he was your first sexual partner does not mean you have to stay with him.

We have been completely committed for 1 year and half. For a month we were on a break and stayed committed. I know that I don't have to stay I need to think about that,just because he was my 1st I don't have to stay with him.in my heart I feel like there is something left,but maybe its not enough. I think when we got together neither one of us was ready for a relationship,and we moved to quickly.