Hi, this is my first post here. I'd like to keep it as brief as I can, but I really could use some advice, so I'm sorry for the length.

I was with my ex for about 3 years. Since the beginning she always felt insecure and was constantly accusing me of finding her unattractive and wanting to be with other women. I have never cheated on her or purposefully deceived her, but yet the suspicions kept on unabated.

When she moved in, a situation occurred where apparently she was digging through my journal and found a paragraph buried somewhere in the middle of a 100 page journal which said "she's not that hot and she knows it." The journal entry was written by me while in a particularly bad mood. She left the apt and didn't come back for a week until I begged her to come back because I loved her and she took things out of context. When I also mentioned that she shouldn't have been rifling through my journal, she said that she was cleaning and happened to "stumble" upon this one paragraph. Yeah right!

Anyway, I also caught her repeatedly checking on my ex's myspace profile 2 or 3 times a month, even though I haven't spoken to my ex in almost 4 years (and almost a year before I met this particular girl). She found her profile because she knew her first name and the area where she lived, so she tracked her down by doing a search. She had been pestering me with questions about my ex for years- she keeps accusing me of finding my ex to be more attractive than her- even though I've had no contact for 4 years! Ridiculous!

So all of these suspicions had taken their toll and lead to constant fighting. She told me she didn't see a future with me but didn't want to leave the relationship. I told her if you don't see a future, we can't be together. There was one final argument where I tried to convince her to see a future for us, she said some things, I said some things, we yelled and she packed some of her stuff and left early in the morning while I was still asleep.

She is now staying with a friend a few hours away. After we broke up, she kept texting and calling, asking questions about different irrelevant stuff like what our netflix password, etc, stuff that didn't make sense. I asked her if she wanted to get back together again, she said no, she couldn't trust that I found her to be the most beautiful girl in the world. I said we must go NC then until we either get over each other or you have a drastic change of heart with a concrete plan of how to make the relationship work this time around. She said fine and we didn't speak for a while.

In the meanwhile, I joined an online dating service and started corresponding with other girls, in order to move on with my life. So today she calls me out of the blue. I don't pick up. She keeps calling then texts "PLEASE call me, it's very important." I call and she says she's had a "major change of heart", how she was wrong, I was a great boyfriend, etc, etc and she wanted to come back. I asked her what would make this time different than the rest. She could not answer the question, but kept asking me "Did you love me?" "Did you ever cheat on me?", "Were you true to me?", etc, etc. I said yes I was true, and no, I never cheated.

Then she cursed me out and said that she "knows what I've been up to" and that I've been looking to date other girls and I'm the lowliest of the low. Then she hung up. After consulting with some friends, I came to realize that she had somehow figured out my different passwords (they were different than the netflix password), which was why she was asking all those questions earlier.

Sorry that this is so long, but right now I see her as a dangerous stalker, someone who digs through my journals, stalks my exes, and goes through my email. She still has most of her stuff in my apt. I feel that it is none of her business what I was doing while broken up with her and it was not a lie to say I was true to her since I was while we were dating. I'm wondering how I should handle this moving forward to get her stuff out of my apt and her out of my life for good with the least complications.

Any advice?

Call a lawyer that offers a free consult. That way u are sure of the laws in your area. People here offer useful advice but if stalker or eviction laws are different where u live it could make things sticky and it sounds like you need a clean, quick, safe break.

I would start packing her belongings but inventory everything you put in each box. But do not remove anything of hers from the apartment until you talk to a lawyer.

Also, change every last password for everything you have a password. Start with your banking. I would also have every password different. Start documenting every time she tries to contact you or if you see her. Make sure your friends and family know what is going on so that they don't accidentally feed her more information to help harrass you. Change your routine. For example: if you go to a certain coffee shop every morn before work find a different route to work and a new coffee shop. Don't be afaid to get the police involved.

My cousin was murdered last December by his Ex. She was pulling similar crap but he thought it would eventually simmer down.

One thing for sure, as long as you have her stuff, she has a reason to come by.
If your that worried, put it all in a storage in her name, and send her the key and disappear from her life.

Agree with Tal 100%. Alll morning been agreeing with him. She will find a reason to contact you if you don't get her stuff out

Thanks for everyone's advice. She spent a good part of last night calling and texting, but I did not respond.

It was one thing that I forgave her for reading my journal, I felt guilty about what I wrote, and didn't want her feelings to be hurt. But this whole thing with the passwords crosses the line and is an escalation in my view.

It's gone from me thinking that she's very insecure to thinking that there's something really wrong with her. She doesn't want me talking to other girls even though we're broken up and she thinks she can invade my privacy to find out.

Your girlfriend sounds like she might have mental problems probulary bipolar. If you want her out your life completely have to let go and part of leting go is letting her have her things otherwise the drama will continue and if she decides she can come to your door with the cops or try to take you to court for a civil suit. In the future never try to stay with someone or convince someone to be with you if they don't, let them go.

She can have her things. She hasn't come back to get them. She has the keys to get in. I will call a friend to come by if she comes around, I don't want to be in the apt alone with her.

Sweetie, get rid of her things. Like tal said, put it in a storage unit, but just get it out of your house. Personally, I would hope that you'd put her things in a "neutral" location, that way, she won't come to your house and create a situation. If you can't put it in a storage unit, then set up with a buddy a time that you and he will get everything together and bring it to her, or when she can come get it. DO NOT have any contact with her without someone with you.

Just because she's a stalker "girlfriend" doesn't mean she is not dangerous. Sometimes, people tend to think that its not as dangerous if it's a woman as opposed to a stalker boyfriend... but its just as bad.

Change your phone number. It will create a lot of headaches, but it will be worth it. I had to do it with my own crazy stalker boyfriend... it relieved my mind and let me sleep at night. Simply ignoring the numerous texts and calls wears on you... I know. I had to get the cops involved. Just knowing they were there... it helped.

Good luck. I hope it all works out for you.

Tal is right only I would be cautious about renting anything in her name. First, I do not know if that is even possible because it is signing a contract in a lot of cases. How about boxing and inventorying her belongings then arrange with a friend to be there at a certain date and time then send her a registered letter (for documentation) stating when to pick the belongings up. Make it when you know it is good for her and keep photocopies of everything (letter, inventory)

Thanks for everyone's advice. I will start packing all of her stuff this weekend and will have no contact with her unless it's with a witness and well documented.

One last question: The fact that she was going through my journal and now somehow finding my passwords and going through my emails is an utmost invasion of privacy, so severe as to be grounds for not talking to someone again, let alone breaking up. Not to mention the constant stalking of an ex I hadn't talked to for years.

So my question is do you agree with my assessment and how would you feel and/or react if you found your so or ex doing so?

I want to remind you that your journal is a private log of your thoughts. Her reading that and punishing you for what it said was the highest form of betrayal.

Her decrypting your passwords or hounding you and your exes afterwards, to me, that stuff pales in comparison to the first offense.

You should NOT stop keeping a journal. You should not stop using any resources you want to further your dating your endeavors. You SHOULD change your passwords on everything to a new actually RANDOM password with letters and numbers mixed... like DOG2TAC23... you get the idea.

Her stuff, box it and remove it from your premises so she has no reason to come by ever again. I'm sure you have a mutual friend, or DROP IT OFF yourself on her doorstep in the middle of the night.

NC means NC. Don't read her emails, don't listen to voice messages, don't read her texts (I'd change my cell phone number, but I'm amazed at how people resist this. Change the friggin' number!)

If you ever find yourself in a conversation with her again (on accident, I'm sure), do NOT be nice anymore. She's a basket case and as long as you defend yourself to her, she'll keep it up.

Her: You were the worst boyfriend and a cheater and I know what you're doing online.
You: You're so funny! You actually think I care what you think! LOLOLOLOL (click)
or
You: I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs...(click)

You have to respond to crazy with crazy, fun crazy can be... well, fun.

If I was you I would change my passwords right away to all my accounts.

I agrree with Historanchick, sorry if I get it wrong, and not put anything past her because people are crazy and doing all sorts of things to people. You should leave someone alone if they some these signs leave them alone. Just make your ex aware of what going on so she knows.

JBeaucaire, thanks so much for your input. I am too nice and worried about hurting other people, so my first mistake was to try to assuage her feelings rather than call her on her betrayal. This also resulted in me constantly trying to convince her that I wasn't cheating, instead of simply telling her that if she didn't believe me, the conversation was over.

Can you imagine spending a relationship trying to prove that you really find your girlfriend to be attractive and you're not cheating? Talk about walking on eggshells...

No, I can't. And that's the point. You only stay close to someone you're DATING because they enhance you, inspire you, make you want to be a better person because of how you love what you two really HAVE.

While dating, this insecure "defend yourself" stuff should send you to the door chuckling, regardless of how much you're attracted to them. Living is too hard to hang out with crazy.

BTW, all women need that reassurance, the difference is how they express that need. After 23 years of marriage I still get little "I need assurance" nudges from my wife, and she gets it. More often, she gets it without nudging, because she truly is awesome.

My input is what she listens to the most, so I don't abuse that position. I only negate when it's absolutely necessary, and boosting her up is my pleasure. I'm just saying, all women need it, just find one that's not nuts while you're dating so it's a normal, manageable amount for the 50 years that follow.

I had to deal with a crazy ex girlfriend when I met my current boyfriend. She still had a key to his apartment and a lot of her stuff was there, and the first time I spent the night with him... guess who showed up the next morning at 9 am?? The crazy lady (or ex-girlfriend)... anyway, I was threatened by her and the cops were called... the only advice that I can give, that came from the cops I spoke with -- pack up her things.

Pack up all of her things and have a police officer present when she is coming to pick them up. That way, if she accuses you of keeping something of hers, you can let her walk through your place, for the LAST time to gather any other belongings that you may have missed with an officer present.

Also, start documenting the phone calls, messages, and any other form of communication from her. This way, if things start to go to far and she threatens you, or possibly your new girlfriend, you will have the evidence you need in order to get a restraining order, or emergency protection order against her. Thus, if she continues to bother you after she has been served with court documents, she will go to jail - which hopefully will deter her from trying to contact you again.

Hope this helps!

There are a lot of variables there... looking through the journal while you were living together was wrong but I could see myself thinking about. I don't think I would do it but I am sure it would be a temptation. Now stalking the old girlfriend that is just... nuts for lack of a better word. If you hadn't seen this gal for years or even if you ran into her at the grocery store yesterday there is no reasonable reason for keeping tabs on her. Plus, the way she set you up with the phone call saying "let's get together" then finished it with a royal butt chewing---STAY AWAY

Shellyjo, thank you so much for that feedback. I'm really glad I posted on this board, it's been very helpful. I agree that the myspace stalking of the ex is bordering on psycho, and I've called her on it. The hacking of the email passwords, the belief that I am somehow cheating on her by talking with other women after we broke up, and the "set up" phone call is even more alarming to me and is moving in the direction of "Fatal Attraction."

Ugh. I hate this feeling. I feel like I've been sucked back into some communication and it only made me feel bad. I've been ignoring my ex since Thurs when she did that little stunt hacking into my emails and calling me under false pretenses.

I got a barrage of phone calls from her Sat night, but did not answer. Then Sun she called again and I did not pick up again. She emailed me, writing that she would not bother me again and wouldn't be "cyberstalking forever" but wanted to know how many times over the years I had "betrayed" her. Feeling sorry for her, I replied that I had never cheated on her and that I only joined an online dating site after we broke up and it was none of her business anyway. I wrote that I had contempt for her for stealing my passwords and asked how she got them and to which sites? That got us into several back and forth emails where she admitted that she's had all of my passwords for a while and has been regularly snooping on me. I told her that I would be changing the locks and putting her stuff in a storage space. She said that it was unnecessary since even though I had "hurt her deeply" she would never do anything to hurt me. What does that mean?

Today she emailed about what a great girlfriend she was and how she loved me and how I'll never find someone who will love me like that again. I wrote back to her to stop contacting me and good luck with your life.

I have a date coming up with a new girl and was feeling pretty good. Now I feel bad again. I feel like I've been pulled back emotionally into this mess because I was too much of a nice guy and wanted to answer her questions about this supposed "betrayal." I felt sorry for her and was concerned.

I won't be answering any more questions or dealing with this emotional blackmail, because that's exactly what it is.

You're exactly right. Its emotional blackmail... she thinks she owns you and she doesn't. You did well telling her to stop contacting you and wishing her good luck.

I would seriously recommend you getting a new phone number... I know it will create a huge headache, but its worth it. The peace of mind, knowing that she can't contact you again is very reassuring. Not because you are scared of her, but because you're taking charge of your own well-being.

I'm' glad you were forthright and upfront telling her that you are putting her stuff in a storage unit and that's that. You needed that closure.

Don't worry sweetie. YOu're going to get through this. You're doing fine. :)

Oh, and the whole "you'll never find anyone as good as her"?? She's right... you'll find BETTER.