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confused11 · Mar 31, 2007, 12:12 AM

I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months, we even lived together for the last 11 monhts. Last week out of nowhere he decided that we had to break up, pretty much out of nowhere. He says that he still loves me and that I'll always have the biggest part of his heart but that he is not in love with me anymore. The thing that hurts the most is that he is already seeing someone else. Some girl that he met at work, and even though he says nothing happened while we were still together, they did talk on the phone and then two days after we broke up he went out with her. He said that it was just his way of coping with things... I'm just confused because I'm still totally in love with him, and he always told me that I was the one for him and that he wanted to marry me and have a family and everything, and he pretty much kept on saying the same things till the day we broke up... so the question is should I move on or keep hoping that he'll change his mind and is it really possible for him to change his mind about me that fast? I'm still totally in love with him and miss him so much. Thanks for any advice.

burn56 · Mar 31, 2007, 12:27 AM

There is so much possible advice for this.
You can try to just move on, as hard as it may be. Move on and hope that he relizes what he is missing. This attempt is harder than it seems and is not for the faint at heart. Believe it or not, crying is one of the bodies best medicines. But so is laughter. You should call up some friends. Hang out, laugh, cry, talk to them. It will seem like your heart will rip in two. On one hand you'll want to wait for him, and tell yourself that he'll be back and another will tell you to move on.
On my first heartbreak, I cried so hard I was shaking. I talked to a friend for hours to for comfort.

And in case your wondering if using that a coping method (the dating another girl immediatly) is a common practice. It is, by both sexes. It's a psychological way of dealing with, pain, or distress, by taking yourself out of the situation and putting yourself in a new environment. It's what's known as a defence mechinism.

A part of you will always love him.
The soul heals. The heart mends. Memories, those are what last forever.
-Matt

confused11 · Mar 31, 2007, 12:35 AM

I just really don't understand anything anymore. I mean for 18 months he was really the perfect boyfriend, he was and is everything that I wanted in a guy. I was sure that I was going to marry him and even when I expressed doubts to him about it he would say things like he knows that we were meant to be together, and I'm the one, and he loves me more then anything... and then out of nowhere he just changes his mind. He says that he needs time to think and that he feels this way now but that he might not feel the same way in a few weeks or months and maybe somewhere down the road we will end up together... but its like I don't want to be apart from him now. Its been 19 days and its just so painfull. Especially knowing that he is already seeing some other girl... but when I asked him to be honest with me, he told me that he was seeing her but that he was thinking about me the whole time... so I don't know if this is the truth or if he is just messing with me... it all just doesn't make sense to me.

confused11 · Mar 31, 2007, 11:49 AM

Anyone have any advice for me? Please.

sypher373 · Mar 31, 2007, 12:09 PM

It sounds like he has some sort of infatuation with this other girl.

To be honest, it probably won't turn out to be what he wants, and he will learn sooner or later...

BUT (and that's a huge BUT), you cannot live expecting this to happen. Maybe he will regret it, maybe he won't - in either case, you need to move on and be happy with yourself. If you can recovery and be happy with yourself, if he ever decides he wants you back, chances are you will be in a better place and truthfully, won't want to be with him again...

Give him space, try to move on. If it helps, forget he exists. If something changes, he knows how to contact you - just make sure you can move on and see this all clearly before you make any decisions.

louie1 · Mar 31, 2007, 01:39 PM

Sounds to me like he just freaked out at the whole commitment thing!

Feels for some reason that he needs to spread his wings I would not write him off totally but in the same context do not get involved in another relationship for the sake of it. Step back and take some time for you!

Zeus2007 · Mar 31, 2007, 02:19 PM

OMG move on. What are you thinking? The guy was at least honest with you maybe that he wanted to see someone else. Bottom line though is that he does not love you otherwise he would not have treated you thusly. Classic question /answer would you have treated him this way? NOPE ? Then move on!

confused11 · Mar 31, 2007, 10:46 PM

Yeah. I mean I want to move on. But I love him so much. I really thought he was the one for me and I know he felt like that too at one point, even more so then me... is it possible for him to really just fall out of love with me that quick? I know I should move on because if he really loved me he wouldn't do this, but I was so sure about him at one point, how can my instincts be that wrong? I miss him so much.

confused11 · Mar 31, 2007, 10:50 PM

Broken up with someone they loved and then got back together and things worked out? I'm just wondering if this is possible.

burn56 · Mar 31, 2007, 11:09 PM

You cannot blame yourself for the short comings of others. Your only human, you cannot predict the future anymore than you can read minds, don't let one guy, create a hole of sadness in your heart.
There is a story:
There was a boy, who had a beautiful heart, he showed it to the world. It was perfect, in every way it pysically could be. One day he met an old man and showed him his Perfect heart. The old man said, "That's a beautiful sight there boy, but i have something far more beautiful." he showed the boy his heart, and it was manged and mis-shapened. It looked of all different colors and sections had stitches and others had holes.
The boy laughed, and said"Why is that more beautiful?"
The man sad, I have shared the beauty of my heart to others, and it has been hurtful at times, and I still have holes in others, but I still have pieces of others hearts forever in mine."
The boy cried. He then offered a piece of his perfect heart, and the old man gave him a piece of his own. The boys heart was now more beautiful than he had ever had seen before.

What the story is about, is love. Your heart may seem broken, but it'll make it more beautiful for the rest of your life. Move on.

finessed1 · Apr 1, 2007, 05:41 AM

This is a tricky one. I was in the same boat as you. In previous relationships that didn't work out, after giving them a second or maybe even a third try... it was never like the first and didn't work out. Now I'm back with the father of my children, thinking that it could have never worked but I'm being proved wrong. The tricky part is how long this will last. Right now it seems like forever but one can never tell. I believe the key is to be completely honest about everything, no matter how painful, and talk things out. Most relationships that are given a good try fail because of lack of communication. Identify what went sour the first go round and build off that. Good luck.

s_cianci · Apr 1, 2007, 05:51 AM

I've personally never known it to happen, either with me or anyone else. I suppose it's possible but highly uncommon.

Jiser · Apr 1, 2007, 06:07 AM

Yeh I know of people who did.

s_cianci · Apr 1, 2007, 06:45 AM

Originally Posted by confused11

...so the question is should I move on or keep hoping that he'll change his mind and is it really possible for him to change his mind about me that fast?

Move on. Don't waste time and energy hoping that he'll change his mind. He obviously has no sense of commitment so all of your hoping and waiting will only be in vain. Forget about him altogether. I know it'll be hard at first but in the end you'll be much better off for it and feel a lot better about yourself.

Zeus2007 · Apr 1, 2007, 11:09 AM

Confused the only thing you know is how you feel and that is legitimate. Follow that you have one of two things to believe in. He did love you and something in him changed, you'll never know for sure what only that the feeling was there. Or that it was just a façade which is your biggest fear. The thing is you will now move forwaed a little less trusting a little more covered of your emotions and the thngs that you are feeling now will be reassured of in the next relaionship ( hopefully ) because you will have learned from the pain of thins experirnce. My guess is that he did care, that things changed for him inside but you can not wait and pine over this guy forever. Do the N/C thing bag up his stuff or box it and put it away not to be seen for more than a year. Believe me it will help.

herringelizabeth · Apr 1, 2007, 12:19 PM

Originally Posted by confused11

I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months, we even lived together for the last 11 monhts. Last week out of nowhere he decided that we had to break up, pretty much out of nowhere. He says that he still loves me and that I'll always have the biggest part of his heart but that he is not in love with me anymore. The thing that hurts the most is that he is already seeing someone else. Some girl that he met at work, and even though he says nothing happend while we were still together, they did talk on the phone and then two days after we broke up he went out with her. He said that it was just his way of coping with things... I'm just confused because I'm still totally in love with him, and he always told me that I was the one for him and that he wanted to marry me and have a family and everything, and he pretty much kept on saying the same things till the day we broke up...so the question is should I move on or keep hoping that he'll change his mind and is it really possible for him to change his mind about me that fast? I'm still totally in love with him and miss him so much. Thanks for any advice.

I than u shoun move on wit yo life

herringelizabeth · Apr 1, 2007, 12:19 PM

I than u shoun move on wit yo life

mountain2 · Apr 1, 2007, 12:33 PM

Originally Posted by confused11

I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months, we even lived together for the last 11 monhts. Last week out of nowhere he decided that we had to break up, pretty much out of nowhere. He says that he still loves me and that I'll always have the biggest part of his heart but that he is not in love with me anymore. The thing that hurts the most is that he is already seeing someone else. Some girl that he met at work, and even though he says nothing happend while we were still together, they did talk on the phone and then two days after we broke up he went out with her. He said that it was just his way of coping with things... I'm just confused because I'm still totally in love with him, and he always told me that I was the one for him and that he wanted to marry me and have a family and everything, and he pretty much kept on saying the same things till the day we broke up...so the question is should I move on or keep hoping that he'll change his mind and is it really possible for him to change his mind about me that fast? I'm still totally in love with him and miss him so much. Thanks for any advice.

Move on he doesn't deserve you!!

confused11 · Apr 12, 2007, 09:42 PM

Its been a month and one day since my boyfriend of 18 months broke up with me, pretty much out of the blue, and started seeing someone else. I've done the no contact thing for the most part, I've talked to him on the phone once in the last two weeks when he called me to ask me if I was OK after my car got broken into, and then another time I texted him to ask when it would be a good time to pick up some more of my stuff. But that's been it for the last couple of weeks. For the most part I feel much better, Ive been going out with friends and staying busy at work, and I've even met a nice guy who seems to be really into me. But for some reason, I just really still miss my ex. All I really want to do is get back with him, even though he is seeing someone else. I can't even imagine myself with another guy right now, but I don't really want to be alone either. I really, really miss him and I'd even be willing to forgive him for what he did. But its so hard because he could be really happy in his new relationship and not missing me at all. I'm totally lost and confused still. I know I have to continue the no contact and moving on but its just so hard. I really want him back.

AKaeTrue · Apr 12, 2007, 10:00 PM

Time will heal the wound he left you with...
1 month isn't really long enough to get over someone you truly care about.
Since this is not a break and he's already in another relationship, you really need to try thinking about other things when he pops into your thoughts.
It wonderful that you're going out with friends and meeting new people!
There's really no need to picture yourself with another guy if your not ready for that - rebound relationships are the pits anyway.
Mingle and enjoy your time... The right guy will come along when your ready...
I know that's kind of hard to think when your heart is somewhere else, but like I said... It takes time...

Best wishes
Kae