You should never share your misery and disappointment with the cause of that hurt (HIM), but with your best GIRL friend, because what you really need to accept and regroup from this experience is love and support. He cannot give you this. LEAVE him alone.

Further contact with him only keeps the old feelings that are still intense stirred up and raw as you are finding out the hard way by INITIATING contact yet again. Your fear of rejection came true, and it has changed YOU, not HIM, or the circumstances. If you allow YOURSELF to heal without HIM, you will eventually gain STRENGTH back through ACCEPTANCE and be grateful the cycle of feelings for him can fade back into fantasy. Yes you have been feeding the fantasy for MONTHS, and it always hurts to know you must STOP.

For his part though he should leave YOU alone (I would) to allow you to process and deal with your disappointment! See this as a TEST of whether this was a TRUE friendship in the first place, or YOU keeping it alive, for your own fantasy feelings and building false hope for more.

Yes this hurts and the pain is difficult to deal with, and leaving him alone, NO MATTER WHAT, is the hardest thing you have ever done in your young life, but this is your test to pass or fail, to heal, or keep misery alive.

Now call that best girlfriend and start your healing. Cry it out, and get back to living your life to the fullest, and enjoying exploring ALL your options and opportunities that life brings you.

Understood that I did the mistake of sharing my hurt with him... yes he cnt give me the love I want.. because he doesn't feel the same way... you are so right with every word of yours... somewhwere it was my attempt to contact him... which didn't realize while doing so... yes I was fantasizing him from past few months.. that's why I'm feeling hurt... I was living that relation un my thoughts before it actually exist... not only that... I saw every word or act of his as a token of his affection towards me... which was totally created by my own thoughts and was not real... yes from now on... I will not contact him in anyw

I will not contact him in any way... but what if he contacts me.. cuz like you said he hasn't changed.. for him our friendship is still there... and he said it too... how I going to ignore him... when he has no fault in entire thing... I cnt force my feelings on him... our friendship has got its effects now... it cnt be normal again... didnt understand your point... how it will test our friendship... if you said it... there must be a deep meaning to it..

If he INITIATES contact with you, then reject him citing your need to heal and get back to normal. If he were the friend you think he is wouldn't he UNDERSTAND what you are going through and leave you alone?

Yes the friendship has changed FOR YOU. Now YOU must change for yourself. After you heal and gotten back to normal will you even want this friendship back the way it was?

That bridge of friendship turned out to being burnt. Like I have said, You cannot heal if he keeps popping up very so often. NO MORE CONTACT & NO MORE RESPONSES TO HIS CONTACTS. Do it as if he never existed if you want to heal. Good Luck 9 years has been a long time, time to forget and move on.

After my last post here... I talked to him once... after that he didn't contact me till now.. nor did I contact him.. im very much touched the way he dealt with this.. wish we could have something more to it... anyways.. its cool...

Want to take a chance.. to win his heart... should I even try or is it finish forever... in confusion.. he is really nice guy.. dont want to let him go..

You mean take another chance right? He already rejected your wanting more. Let the healing process work.

He has already rejected you. Are you a glutton for punishment? Leave well enough alone and move on with your life.

Got it :(

Never make someone a priority in your life that makes you an option in theirs. That just not fair to you. Be unavailable as his option. Let him look elsewhere.

Hi... pretty long time since I updated on this.. after months of no contact.. our friendship was back on track.. infact he was very cool and friendly to me again... like he used to do before... I knew he rejected me... but still... being with him was great... always... we made plans to meet up in his next visit... which was supposed to be in dec 2016. Then suddenly a day.. he texted me... that (Mr. abc) our common co-worker years back... was saying hi to me through him and that (mr.abc) and I was good friends.. which was not true and I told him the same.. it used to be just a casual greet like everyone does when they meet their co-worker in office premises only... thats it.. and I'm not in touch with him from years... it ended right there... he was like... okay... things were back to normal again... normal talks... fun.. chats.. etc... like all friends do... then his birthday came... and I wished him and because till now I ddnt know his age.. so I asked him.. and came to know that he is a year younger to me... and I let him know this tooo... and his expression were like... aaah I ddnt know about it... then he wished me on my birthday which is 6 days after his... and on that day... he told me that y guys want wives younger to them... cuz they are pretty and conception is not an issue with them etc etc... and I took it as a general discussion.. which started in midnite and that night we chatted till 4am... after that day he changed... he started avoiding me... that I felt... whenever I messaged him.. he replied with short to the point words.. like he is not interested.. and sometimes no replies from his end... and exact 10 days later after my birthday... I accidentally got see our conversation... and as a friendly gesture... I texted him... that by chance I got to see our old chats.. and u used to talk a lot.. and I can feel the change.. want to see the old talkative you back.. take care... it was afternoon here in my country.. and there must be 2am in his... which used to be a normal timing for him to chat... later by night as per my time zone I got his reply... "i dont want to romance with you...please forgive me...and leave me alone...go and text such messages to mr.abc not me...take it lightly..." I felt very annoyed reading this that y he is bringing that guy between our conversation... and told him the same... he said... " its 2am...is it time to text someone at that time..i wil block you" I told him that if he doesn't want to talk... dont.. but don't bring any other man in between... and I blocked him... it was 10 days after my birthday... 2 months later he was supposed to come...
time passed.. he ddnt text me... aah I blocked him.. how he could... thinking that in dec2016 mid... I unblocked him... I knew he was here in my city.. but I ddnt text him.. just unblocked him... on new year I texted him wishing him new year... no reply... from him... then I asked him... is he stilll upset over our fight... and he replied and talked to me... he left without meeting me this time...
and now if I text him... I rarely get his replies...
I couldn't understand y he reacted that way... he was a good friend... a crush... and again a friend...
should I leave him alone.. or I can do something to bring life to our friendship again. it hurts to see when your friends behave that way...
I have already stopped texting him... cuz I don't like when someone ignores me...
please give in your views and suggestions...
yes he is important to me...

Broken_heart... Leave him alone. I think our previous advice has been clear; go with no contact and stay with no contact. You will set yourself up for failure time and time again. He's romantically not interested in you, so with that knowledge in mind you know it's not going to work. "Friendship" is not worth it in this case, unless you can both keep it very casual but it seems you can't. Focus on other people, friends, family, activities, yourself.

When someone tells you to leave them alone, then you should take such a strong hint seriously! You can learn the hard way and bring yourself even more confusion and misery, and rejection, or accept he wants nothing to do with you, not even friendship.

Thanks.. I was also feeling the same... that he is not interested for friendship too now... so its fine with me... I have many friends to gel with... now I will not contact him... but if he does.. I will also keep it short like he did...

I think he genuinely likes you and is torn. He was a little too 'interested' in what your interest was in mr. abc -- out of jealousy.

I am going to guess that he comes from a culture where men do not marry women who have had relationships, even the most innocent kind. The argument that you are a year older than he is and that that is meaningful for having children is absurd. It just comes from centuries of older men marrying much younger girls who are absolutely guaranteed to be virgins and so innocent that they can't possibly be interested in even thinking about boys, much less have feelings about them.

I'm sorry for BOTH of you, caught between old and modern worlds. But he sounds more willing to accept tradition, so that's the end of that. I think you have handled this all very well.

Thanks for saying about his little interest.. cuz I always felt that when he was around me via his body language and expressions... but was always unsure because people say when u feel for someone.. you can misread the signals... but when he actually said no... I realized... might be... that was a wrong timing... and yes for me love don't see age... and the kind of discussion we had... I understood that it matters to him... although I gave up long before that... today I wrote here... cuz I was not able to decide whether to continue with his friendship or leave him alone... cuz I really couldn't understand why he was pissed off... cuz I'm a year older than him or because that guy said that we were good friends.. ( which was baseless)... when I messaged him on new year.. he asked about my and my family well being and later that did I get any alliance... so did I ask him... to which he said... NO... I want to leave this on time... I really don't want to chase anyone... meanwhile my search for a life partner is on... yes I found him very suitable for me... but after getting his response.. I don't want to even try... and feelings... I think that will fade away with passed time...
what I'm going to do is leave him alone with his confused state or clear mindset.. whatever it is... if he comes back before I get engaged to someone else... he will be most welcome... cuz overall he is very nice guy.. at times he is difficult to understand but who is perfect in this world.. no one...
I have no grudges for him... liked him... like him...
I'm not going to contact him no matter what...
thanks to all for always been a good support and guide to me... will update if something new happens for sure... :)

After this last incident, I texted him months later on his birthday to wish him and to my surprise he was totally changed the way he spoke to me. He never replied me with so much affection, felt good. But back in mind, I had his past behaviour fresh, so I couldn't keep the conversation going for too long.it continued for next 2-3 times and then I decided either I won't talk and if I do I wl do it nicely. And we had nice conversation next time. He told me that he will be visiting I March or June 2018 and will meet me this time and we ended the conversation on good note. After 2 days he updated his profile pic, I gave him compliment which he ignored and didn't reply, I took it normally. Then on new year he didn't reply on my new year message, that made me think if he wants to talk or not? After waiting for 2 days post new year, I texted him asking if everything is fine at his end.. he read the message again and ddnt reply. Then I wished him festival a week later to which he replied and then disappeared again. After that I didn't message him and he also haven't texted me. It was quite weird that he was making up plans to meet and then he started ignoring me. I am here because after that day before yesterday I texted him... hi.. I could see him online bt he ddnt open my text.. felt bad and I sent him another text saying bye and take care, I was decided that its my last message. Then sudden he got reply.. how are you... I do replied but kept the conversation short because now I was feeling like he is not interested. I have decided not to text him in anyway now. Is this right decision? And what if in coming June if he calls me up to meet, should I or shouldn't I? I do accepted that he is only a friend. And I'm nt expecting anything more but it shouldn't b like this. I don't wna get ignored when I ddnt do anything wrong.
Please advice me.

This has been going on for 2 years and you're still obsessed with him? Have you done anything to find happiness without him? Have you dated, met other men, or are you still hoping he'll one day come around and tell you you're the one?

Stop texting him, that's been the advice from the very beginning and yet you seem incapable of following that advice, so why do you keep asking for more advice you're going to ignore?

He asks you to stop texting him, but you don't listen. Then when he finally gives up and texts you back you once again bombard him with texts, get upset when he doesn't reply, and wonder why he isn't replying. He's not replying because he doesn't want to. Leave the poor guy alone.

My advice is the same as before... stop contacting him and feeding yourself false hope. You don't like to be ignored then leave him alone. You haven't done anything wrong... YES YOU HAVE, you keep contacting him. Why are you so desperate? Don't even try to deny that, just go back through your latest post and count the times you contacted him and he ignored you.

Since you cannot take hints (OR ADVICE), you will learn the hard way, and your heart will stay broken and never heal, until you leave him alone and allow it to.

Thanks for replying.. I'm not going to contact him anymore.. this is what was going on in my mind.. thats why I posted here... its not like I'm desperate or may be I'm... I don't know... its true I texted him and he replied nicely few times initially.. wat made me act like that his sudden shift of behaviour... im nt going to think about his behaviour anymore... im deleting his no from my contacts so I cant contact him again... I have dated few guys in this time but at the back of mind he was there... no more discussions over him from my side... im deleting him from my life as well... I know I ddnt follow the advice properly I went on no contact for months and then broke that which I shouldn't have... yes I'm learning hard way... thank you again for opening up my eyes to the truth I was trying to ignore.. love you all...