In advance, sorry for the long description, but I want to make sure that those who answer understand my situation.

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for a year and 5 months, it has been the most amazing time of my life. I am in my junior year of college. Three weeks ago, she called and said she wanted to break up, then we got back together, but for the two weeks after she hasn't been paying much attention to me. I would always call, ask to hang out, even dropped off a rose with her favorite hot fudge Sunday in the mailbox. Tried my best to fix the relationship. When we did call each other though, she would say that she loves me.
Well, 5 days ago she said we should take a break since she is so busy with school Since I wasn't extremely happy with the way she wasn't paying attention, I agreed that might be the best solution...
I did not call her, but she would and she still does. She said we should see each other on Friday, I told her that will be fine probably. She has been acting on the phone the same way that she has before, saying she loves me and asking me if I still love her. Well, guess what happened two nights ago, I asked her if she still wanted to meet on Friday, and she said she is going out with her friends to the mall earlier and might be busy in the evening. So now I am just getting the sense that she is taking advantage of the fact that she knows I will love her regardless and does whatever she wants.

So, this is very difficult for me to forget her because she would call and say those things since I still love her very very much. If she goes back to being the person that she was, I would love to keep dating her. She kept saying that she needed time to figure herself out. So I have gotten a suggestion from a friend the other day to not answer her calls for a few days and see if she gets things figured out. Right now is the second day, she keeps calling all the time, texted me asking if she did something wrong. On aim, she said she still loves me and does not know why I keep ignoring her. I really don't know what to do now, should I ignore her longer or maybe should I answer her? I am a little afraid that she will stop trying to contact me completely.

You need to tell her this: at this stage there are only two options. You are either together or you aren't. Nothing in between. If the answer is the latter, you need time to work things through and will get in touch with her if and when you're ready. She needs to stop contacting you when you're trying to do that.

Your weren't happy with the way she treats you, but have not let her know?? No wonder she does what she does.

Instead of ignoring her hoping she changes, talk, and see if there is a resolution to the situation, that you both can live with. If not, don't waste time.

Perhaps you guys are right, I need to be a bit more direct with her. The reason we went to this break phase was because she realized she wasn't being a good girlfriend and I think she figured that it is because she was busy with school at the moment. I will talk to her tonight and post back to tell you what comes out of this.
Thank you for helping out.

Well, no good news today. I told her everything last night she listened, said that she still loves me just as much and plans to be with me in the future, even mentioned marriage and such. She just said that right now is such a difficult time for her trying to balance schoolwork and boyfriend and all the other things. On a more unfortunate note, I found out that she went to drink lounge a few weeks ago with her female friend, didn't even tell me about it, I recall her calling me the next day being really cute and saying that she stayed up all night at home talking with her friend and listening to her. However she wouldn't call me back until the night after. Anyway, kind of bummed me out that she didn't tell me.
In terms of the relationship, she did not give me a definite answer, she would act really cute as always and saying that she loves me and got me off being serious, so I didn't push her. Today same thing happened as before, she wouldn't pick up my phone for a while, then called back 5 hours later. I answered, told her my phone battery was dying and I would call her back. Called her a min ago and she didn't pick up as usual. I know she has finals all week and is probably studying, but I feel like she should at least dedicate a bit of time to me. Am I being overly possessive here? Been thinking about myself, maybe I am the one who is over dramatizing this. Its just that I called her from a friends number today who she does not know and she called him back after 5 min. To call me back it took 5 hours. What do you think guys, is it just in my head, is there any hope in this relationship?

I think that right now you need to make it clear for her that you NEED a definite answer. If she can't balance you with her life right now, then it's better to break up since she'll be hurting you and she'll suffer too (it seems that she likes you), and the relationship will end down the road in a much more painful way, with deep emotional scars. It's also the only way you guys can give another shot in the future.

And if she wants to keep you, than make it clear that you need a reasonable level of attention (and it doesn't seem to me that you are asking too much).

Don't let her evade this question. If she does that again, tell her that you can't stand the uncertainty and that you are breaking up with her. It will probably feel really really awful right now, but I think it's the right thing to do.

How can people say. I love you . But I don't want to be with you?

It just does not make any sense

She is only telling you this to make her feel better
And by doing this she is giving you false hope

Take it is as an end to the relationship
Trust me I know its hard!
But once you put that gear in motion
You will start to heal a lot better!


All the best

Regards

This is my advice, may not be the best, but here we go,she seems to no how too control you. And that's just not cool, as your friend said you should ignor her. But for a week, hmm I don't really know about that one, ask her what she wants from you?
Try and find out why she still "loves" you but insists not too be together.
And the whole thing about Friday, was basically a test, too see if she has you right where she wants you.
No offence she seems like a controlling ,
But, I hoped this has helped.

Disappear from her life, because if her actions, matched her words, she would be working to grow this relationship, not tear it down.

The thing your not seeing is she is letting you go, and taking her freedom, while you sit on the porch and wait.

Stand up for yourself with actions, not words. Don't be controlled

Well, I talked to her 30 min ago. She says she loves me just as much, she mentioned yesterday to give her until Thursday because her finals will be over to decide on things. Right now she is studying on campus with a guy from her class. Don't think they have anything going on or anything. I also may need to mention that we live about 2 hours apart and go to different colleges, used to see each other at least every weekend and usually she would come down during the week to see me here too. I almost feel as if we could see each other more, I could get things worked out, but I am not sure. She was my first girl, so I am not very experienced in this. I feel like we really have a future together and I think she appears to feel the same way.
I completely agree with you Rawr_its_andrew, she is controlling me, whether she is talking to me or not. I do not like it, but unfortunately it ended up that way. And yes, I also realized it was a test the day after. Good point on noticing that, haha. You guys think I should wait till Thursday to finalize things? Also, I wish there were ways to make her less control over me, but I just love her so much its very difficult.

Just to add on, another thing that keeps me attached to her is the fact that this summer I wasn't the greatest boyfriend to her, went clubbing with friends a couple times, went to see some friends at the beach and kissed one of the girls. I told her all that, but she still kept loving me, but I am sure she was hurt emotionally Perhaps those scars are what initially caused her to talk about breaking up with me. Maybe if we get through this it will make our relationship stronger? I cannot tell right now if I am just trying to make up excuses not to end it with her... am I?

Yes, there is a way to not let her have control over you. It's simple. Don't let her! See, what you are not seeing, as by being available all of the time, and agreeing to her timetable, and the way she wants to do things, you are letting her walk all over you. She knows this, and will take advantage of it, if given the opportunity. She's already doing that now, because she knows she can, and that you won't speak up for yourself.

You are making excuses for her, and all she has to do after blowing you off and not answering your calls, is tell you that she loves you, and you are right back to where you were! You have to set some boundaries and limitations for her and for yourself. It doesn't sound to me like there is a whole lot of honest comunication between the two of you.

I noticed something you said also. You said you didn't "think" there was anything going on with her and her study partner. I think you actually think there might be, and it's quite possible. If she calls you one minute, and then you call her back and she doesn't answer, well there's a red flag right there.

OK the distance thing seems a little far,
Yeah I Guess You Should wait, But Yeah Don't Fall For It All Over Again,
Just play it cautios, and if she does a repete of the whole Friday thing,
Tell her off and move on,
It may hurt and be hard, but it will help in the long run,

I have a feeling she is cheating on u.

No one is that busy studying for finals when they have time to go to drinking lounge and go to the mall with her friends.

She keeps telling u, she loves u, so she doesn't loose u. Until she decides the other guy is right for her. (I maybe wrong but try to find out about her from neutral sources, do more research on her activities and don't just rely on what she says.)

Sorry to say it, but I think you are.

The whole clubbing thing and the frineds thing is normal she can't control you with your friends you can't spend every waking moment with her, and the kissing the girl. Hmm, has she ever done anything like that ?
That would explain why she would be so calm about it,

I wouldn't say you're a bad boyfriend, just her demands are way too high,

yeah you guys are right, I am going to work on myself regardless whether I stay with her or not, I do not need to be controlled by a girl like that. I also deeply regret what I did when I kissed that other girl because it only made me think of my girlfriend, at that point I did not fully value the love that my girlfriend would give me, really didn't realize what she meant to me until this whole break up thing started. I took her for granted, yet I always treated her very well. I would buy her flowers randomly, show my love in many ways, anything to make her happy and see her smile. She would do the same to me, maybe even more.
I just called her an hour ago and told her I might be going over the christmas break for a few days to see my friend, a guy, in Florida who invited me over (which is not true), but that did not make her happy, don't know why I did that, just wanted to show her that I have my own life besides her and wouldn't be waiting around to see her every day of the christmas break. Hehe, probably just going to work the whole break and play 360.

Hey guys, allright, I called my girlfriend and told her that I do not want this anymore, I do not want a one sided relationship and we need to end the whole break thing. She started crying of course. I told her that she just misses my attention and will find someone who can deal with her. She started saying that tonight she went to express and ordered a sweater for me, she bought me a teapot I wanted at walmart and she was wanting to change. I told her that I have given this a lot of thought and I don't think she will change. I also told her that if she is trying to hold this because I initiated it, she can tell her friends that she broke up with me. Well, she pleaded me for a second chance and made up her mind that she wants to be with me before I called. Well, I agreed. I figured I would be suffering without her right now and I am willing to waste a few weeks of my time even if there is a 1% chance of saving this.
However, I think I have a different outlook on it now and do not have the expectations that I would have. So if it does not work out in the next few weeks or so, its really not meant to be and I think I can go on living without her with complete satisfaction that I held on to this until the very last strand and then let it go. Don't really care if she later tells me she wants to let it go, I am not much into holding up that macho factor, whatever makes her feel better about herself. You guys think you would have done what I did in my situation? If I made a mistake so be it, at least it will be a lesson.

I'm not tryign too sound smartassed here, but it seems as soon as you said that she said everything she could to get her claws back in,

But as you said if it's a mistake it will be a lesson,

Good luck mate.

Okay, to me it sounds like you are playing games! There is too much game playing and drama in this 'relationship.'

In the span of a half hr. even less, because you posted here, thought about what you were going to do, called her, had this conversation, and then posted here again, with a totally different game plan.

First you lied, and told her you were going to go to Florida. What kind of a game was that? If you don't have honestly, you may as well just walk away now! It's another game you played, just like when you kissed the other girl.

Then in the span of a half hr. you said you "would be willing to waste a few weeks of my time" if there is even a 1% chance of saving this! Then you say "don't really care if later she tells me she wants to let it go." Which is it buddy?

I am starting to think that the reason why this girl broke up with you, is because you are very wishy washy. You are confusing her! One minute you say you want one thing, and the next you want another! It confuses ME, and I don't even know you!

Unless you are willing to be completely honest with yourself, and with her, this relationship doesn't have a snowballs chance in hell.

I'm not saying this to insult you, or make you mad, but you mentioned the word "Macho." I get the sense that it actually does have a lot to do with that. She broke up with you. You want her back. She wants to come back, but you are putting up roadblocks, and not being honest! Just the fact that you mentioned that she "can" tell her friends that "she" broke up with you again, tells me that this has more to do with your ego, than it does to do with her happiness!

I get the sense that you are the one that is high maintanence, and not her so much, which likely lead to your initial break-up. We mentioned communication earlier. We meant honest communication, which also means you need to be honest with yourself! If you don't have TRUST in a relationship, you have nothing... zero, zip, zilch! If you lie and play games, like in the Florida "story", and then giving her and yourself a couple weeks to make a decision, you are shooting yourself in the foot! It WILL backfire on you.