Hey I've been dating this girl for about 2 months now and it has gone well. I just took her to prom last weekend, and we celebrated her birthday yesterday. I got to know her through my church and we're both in the youth band. Now, I'd never been in a relationship before (im a senior in high school), and I'd liked her awhile before we were going out, but I didn't say anything. However, one of my friends in the church youth group asked me if I liked the girl that I'm talking about, and I was thinking, "I'm not that obvious am I?" but then she said that she liked me. So, this was the first time my liking was reciprocated. Anyway, we started dating, a couple movies and dinner and stuff like that, and I kissed her for the first time like a week and a half ago. Everything was going really good, and she's everything I want in a girl (she's very intelligent, kind, beautiful, and has a great personality). Also, I guess my mom and her mom were talking about us and her mom said that her daughter was incredibly smitten over me. Then, on the same day, which happened to be her birthday, I went over to her house to celebrate her birthday, and we went on a walk and she told me that she wasn't ready for a relationship yet, because of some problems she's having with her dad or something, and she said she needs to deal with that. She did, however, say that she still likes me and that we should be friends because she thinks a good relationship will come from that. She also said that she doesn't want to burden me with her problems with her dad and stuff, but the truth is, I don't see it as a burden. It is more of a burden being out of the relationship than being in it. She also said that she doesn't want me to have to wait for her to get ready for a relationship. What should I do? I want to talk to her about it, I want to express how I feel to her. After only a day this situation is adversely affecting my daily life; i.e. I couldn't sleep last night.

I'm sorry but you might have to accept that she wants things to cool down a bit. If she has things going on at home, it won't make her a happy bunny to also put up with any relationship pressure. If I were you I would try to be a good friend and encourage her to share what is going on at home. But try to listen rather than offer up suggestions. She might have enough going on just now and just need a shoulder to lean on. Be a good friend and allow the relationship to develop in it's own time.

Slow down dude. That's all you have to do, as 2 months is way to soon to say this is a relationship, so take your time, and you both can enjoy getting to know each other. After 6 months, and it looks good, then you can discuss exclusive dating. Until then, no commitments. Just fun. No pressure.

Hey man, I was reading your question and I was thinking how much of a similar situation I am in as you. So therefore I don't have an answer for you but I can tell you my story and empathize with you. There's this girl I've known since jr yr of high school. We weren't friends and we never talked. We simply sat next to each other. Well come several years later in college we just had a bilology course together. I recognized her from across the room and she was the most beautiful girl I've seen. We started talking, and we became study buddies and I told her how I feel about her. I was informed she has a boyfriend. That in itself was torture. Well eventually they broke up and we went straight into it with each other. We basically were and still are doing everything people do in a relationship but she just doesn't want a relationship. She doesn't want the label. Its been 2 months since their breakup and she still feels the same way. I've never fallen harder for a girl before and all I do is think about her and how I can make her happy and when the next time I can see her is. Well she's been acting really different lately. She's not as open with me. She doesn't tell me the things she appreciates about me as much and its just the worst feeling I could ever have. I've been told I overanalyze everything and I agree. I do. But that's how I am, that's how I work. That's not necessarily the problem at hand. There's something I'm apparently doing that is pushing her away and she won't tell me and she won't admit that she's falling away. It makes me sick to my stomach and I just want the rest of life to pause so I can handle the problem. But it doesn't. I'm so afraid of this great thing we have ending before we even really get started. She has a lot of baggage in her life to deal with and the fact that she is including me in her life while having all this I can never be too grateful. I don't know how to deal with it or even to cope. I am a loss of words and this feeling in my stomach is so sickening I don't want to be awake until it goes away and this is all fixed. The pattern of these things is that the next time we hang out we have an amazing time and all this is diminished. But in the mean time its hell. What I suggest for you is don't give up, don't tell this girl that you don't want to wait. Wait for her. Because if its supposed to be. Then it will be. But that means you have to take action to it. The things that are supposed to be don't just happen on their own, they need to be guided into place with intention and action by you. But you have to be careful that your not smothering her that your not pressuring this girl. Be more than a friend. Make sure your the one she turns to for things. Of course there's also plenty of times where she's going to want a girl to talk to and you have to try not to be offended that she doesn't want to talk to you about that. That's so hard. Everything I'm telling you right now is realizations I've made and been told by my friends. You and I both just want that security of having that girl. Having them dedicated to you and you dedicated to her. These last two months for me have been the longes most emotionally draining two months I remember. But at the same time... two months isn't that long in regards to forming a relationship. But I know what you are thinking. You don't want to give it the time it may take because WAT IF the time you think it might take is too long and everything you have built up falls apart because action isn't being taken. Believe me buddy I'm there too! I'm asking myself these questions and torturing myself everyday. Its hell. All I can hope for is that when you have good intention and try with a sincere heart for this girl then what you want will come to reality. Be the guy she's never seen. Prove her wrong on all ideas she has of guys. But really try not to push it in her face. Its so damn hard... so damn hard! I understand. And this morale that you might get from explaining all this to you may not last long because later in the day you are going to start worrying again. You want things fixed now. But most of the times they can't be fixed now. I'm typing this and I'm just engulfed in this feeling of misery and stress and 98% of my life revolves around getting this girl. I'm feeling that immense pain that you feel. It hurts... seeminlgy more than you can stand. All I can say is, do what you think would be a good thing to be done in regards to your situation but be sure to sit and think it through and also at times sit with one of your great friends (girls opinions as well as guys) and talk it through with them. People have great advice when they aren't in the situation. And remember you don't HAVE to take the advice given to you. Its just always nice to hear another point of view.

Hello,

K2 obey sums it up pretty good. I am also in a similar situation. I'm a senior in high school and this is my first attempt at a relationship. I have known this girl since 7th grade and she is currently a junior, but I have liked ever since she has been in high school. We are both percussionists in the symphonic band. In late October we went to a haunted house together and the two of us had a good time. We had been talking for months online as well. In December we almost kissed but she said she wasn't ready to be in a relationship with everything going on and asked me to be her friend. In my case she has never admitted she has liked me nor has she said she doesn't like me, but she has always treated me a little different. Anyway, for the rest of December it was rough this had devastated me, but come January everything was OK as as friends, but now for my difference, I put on the pressure for a relationship in the second or third week of January and everything fell apart. We stopped talking in person even online it was tensioned, she ignored me, and I was utterly miserable. I had made about every mistake in the book and it looked like life as I had known it was going to fall apart along with our relationship and I was the saddest I have ever been. For the past couple of weeks she hasn't accepted me as a Facebook friend and I thought it was because she didn't want me to look at her pictures, but I brought it up 5 days ago and she said it was because she didn't know how I felt. Sort of sounds like a weird question? But I told her I was sorry about everything and I still cared about her. She said she was sorry about everything too. So now there is hope again that we will get involved in the future its just neither of us have the time right now. I said that I understood that fact now and said that ignoring me was the right thing for her to do and I will continue to keep my distance because that is what's best. It was the first time in a month or two both of us were actually on the same page and it was nice. I also said I had learned from the mistakes I had been making and the next time I try to get together with her it would be different. I'm sure she was as relieved as I was. She asked me back in January why I should wait for her. I said I wanted to. Inside I felt like she was worth it to wait as well. Part of the problem for me has been the fact I'm never really going to be that great of just a friend to her at least not for awhile because for me it's a very fine line between really good friends and a relationship if you like a person.

I didn't mention it earlier also she is or at least was suicidally depressed. She told me in November and it caused me to crash my car, on accident of course. That's one thing that is hard for me too is the fact I want to help her get through her depression, but I can't it just makes me feel sad to see her sad and there are other guys in the percussion section who are funny and they make her laugh like crazy which makes me feel really bad inside that I am incapable of such a thing right now. Before she wouldn't look in my general direction she would always shy the opposite direction with her face and body. Today, she glanced in my direction a couple of times, it is always hard to say whether she was looking at me or not, but she hasn't done it in like months probably.

This is an account of basically what could be the worst case scenario if you don't listen, which is why it is important to listen. If you listen to her, it will help even if it doesn't seem like it will. Like how I feel like I can't help her get through her depression and make her laugh and stuff. Make sure you stay in at least some contact though. Online is a good way because most people are more comfortable online. Make sure she knows you are still interested. Also give her some space you do not have to be with her all the time. If the two of you were meant to be then it will happen just don't shove it down her throat like I did otherwise what happened to me will happened to you. Time doesn't really matter. Just every once in awhile ask them if they want to do something with you.

I hope this helps everyone who looks at this in this situation. It is nice knowing that there are other people going through the same things as you.