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Mrs · May 30, 2007, 07:52 AM

I didnt understand what exactly?
you wont get your answers by spying on her.
what if time goes on, say months, and she still doesnt want to be with you? are you still going to watch her computer? what if she meets other people and communicates with them using her computer? how long are you going to go on watching her? thats what im saying.
you said in your orig post that she is your ex girlfriend, you have no right to be doing it.
the only way you will get answers is to be patient, give her some time, then maybe write her a letter or something asking her to explain the situation.
some people never get answers, they still have to move on. think about what you are doing.

NeoJunior · May 30, 2007, 07:57 AM

Originally Posted by Mrs

I didnt understand what exactly?
you wont get your answers by spying on her.
what if time goes on, say months, and she still doesnt want to be with you? are you still going to watch her computer? what if she meets other people and communicates with them using her computer? how long are you going to go on watching her? thats what im saying.
you said in your orig post that she is your ex girlfriend, you have no right to be doing it.
the only way you will get answers is to be patient, give her some time, then maybe write her a letter or something asking her to explain the situation.
some people never get answers, they still have to move on. think about what you are doing.

I stopped spying by the way. From that date, when I got my answer, I just moved on. But now I feel uncomfort in myself for not telling her what happened, and how I used to know my answers. Thtas why I told her I will be in her city to talk. That was the reason. She said she needs time for this. Well if need time means what its used to mean, I give her the time. All I want, is how to get in contact somehow.

Jiser · May 30, 2007, 07:57 AM

Get yourself out of this situation by doing new things i.e. Like the gym, go no contact and stick to it.

NeoJunior · May 30, 2007, 07:59 AM

Originally Posted by Mrs

I didnt understand what exactly?
you wont get your answers by spying on her.
what if time goes on, say months, and she still doesnt want to be with you? are you still going to watch her computer? what if she meets other people and communicates with them using her computer? how long are you going to go on watching her? thats what im saying.
you said in your orig post that she is your ex girlfriend, you have no right to be doing it.
the only way you will get answers is to be patient, give her some time, then maybe write her a letter or something asking her to explain the situation.
some people never get answers, they still have to move on. think about what you are doing.

And what kind of letter should I write? I wrote her my sorries about what happened. But never got an answers. Should I say I'm sorry again and again until she comes in contact? I'm afraid I will be boring, won't I ?

Mrs · May 30, 2007, 08:12 AM

You could just set a time in your head that you are willing to wait, then if you havent heard from her in that time, write the letter but make it the final one. tell her you appreciate the fact she has needed time to think, but you need some answers, if she isnt willing to respond then i would move on, as after that time it would be obvious she doesnt want to be with you anymore, and she is not willing to give you the answers you need.

rileyma · May 30, 2007, 08:16 AM

You do not want to go back to her. Trust me on that! Once you lose your trust for someone it is extremely hard to get that back. Without trust you have nothing.

I know all of this because my ex cheated on me and I tried to make it work for another 2 months. I became a paranoid freak with everything that she did. I would continuously be asking questions to myself like "Was she really going to the grocery store?" or "Who was she really talking to on her cell phone?". I was really unfair to myself and I started to look like the fool.

So, please do yourself a favor and grieve for your loss, start moving on and in the end you will finally see that it was the best decision you could have made. You will find someone that you are so much more deserving of! I know it is hard to imagine right now... but you will heal and be much, much better off once you've moved on your true soulmate.

NeoJunior · May 30, 2007, 08:25 AM

Originally Posted by Mrs

You could just set a time in your head that you are willing to wait, then if you havent heard from her in that time, write the letter but make it the final one. tell her you appreciate the fact she has needed time to think, but you need some answers, if she isnt willing to respond then i would move on, as after that time it would be obvious she doesnt want to be with you anymore, and she is not willing to give you the answers you need.

Thanks for your answer MRS! I really appreciate it. I would ask you some more help, because it seems to me that it happened because of all my faults in the past (jelousy, a little possessive, always wanting answers, etc). Anyway, I give you my address, so we could better talk online, cause this is a little false and distant I think. This is my address: [email protected]

clarityseeker · May 30, 2007, 08:32 AM

I think you need to ask yourself the tough questions here. Her cheating on you was wrong. You spying on her was wrong. And this relationship is wrong, for you and for her. You need to just walk away and keep her out of your life forever. That includes getting rid of the remote access thing - besides the fact that it's wrong, it's just going to keep you obsessed with her and keep you miserable.

Actually, in your case I don't think the tough questions are so tough to answer. Could you ever fully trust her again? Think hard about how rileyma learned the hard way how impossible it is to feel fully secure ever again once you've been cheated on. And it doesn't even matter, because I'm 99% certain that you two won't even be getting back together. Why do you care if she hates you? She cheated on you, dude! You're searching for some sort of amazing closure that is impossible to achieve here. The more time you waste on this, and the more you engage with her, the more confused and angry and frustrated you're going to get - guaranteed. Just walk away forever, as hard as it is to do when you're still emotionally confused.

NeoJunior · May 30, 2007, 08:34 AM

Originally Posted by rileyma

You do not want to go back to her. Trust me on that! Once you lose your trust for someone it is extemely hard to get that back. Without trust you have nothing.

I know all of this because my ex cheated on me and I tried to make it work for another 2 months. I became a paranoid freak with everything that she did. I would continuously be asking questions to myself like "Was she really going to the grocery store?" or "Who was she really talking to on her cell phone?". I was really unfair to myself and I started to look like the fool.

So, please do yourself a favor and grieve for your loss, start moving on and in the end you will finally see that it was the best decision you could have made. You will find someone that you are so much more deserving of! I know it is hard to imagine right now....but you will heal and be much, much better off once you've moved on your true soulmate.

I don't think so. If I didn't trusted her, it was because her willing to make things look like OK. For 1 year and a half, we didn't have any little problem with the trust. So I know how I will react in such a situation. She trusts me, I know that. The only one here who doesn't trust, is me. I mean, I didn't trusted her. I know myself, and I know how to heal my trust.

rileyma · May 30, 2007, 08:39 AM

Originally Posted by NeoJunior

I dont think so. If i didnt trusted her, it was because her willing to make things look like ok. For 1 year and a half, we didnt have any little problem with the trust. So i know how i will react in such a situation. She trusts me, i know that. The only one here who doesnt trust, is me. I mean, i didnt trusted her. I know myself, and i know how to heal my trust.

She cheated on you! That is where all trust goes out the window. And without trust you have nothing. You can get it back but it takes a LONG time and a LOT of effort on her part.

clarityseeker · May 30, 2007, 08:44 AM

Originally Posted by rileyma

it takes a LONG time and a LOT of effort on her part.

And since all goodwill is gone here, she will not put in that time and effort.

NeoJunior · May 30, 2007, 08:45 AM

Originally Posted by rileyma

She cheated on you! That is where all trust goes out the window. And without trust you have nothing. You can get it back but it takes a LONG time and a LOT of effort on her part.

I know my responsabilities. I made everything wrong, and she never wanted to leave me. Can you understand that? That's why I owe her a second chance. I was the jelous one, the possessive and always waiting and wanting answers from her. I was obsessed with her. I made the virus. I spied on her. I wrote her the mail and did everything wrong. Don't you think in somehow I putted her in that way to cheat on me? Because in such a situation with such a partner, even I could do something like that. Don't you believe that ? Prove it by yourself, and you will see. Make your partner feel like an idiot, stupid, and you will see. I know my wrongs, and these 2 weeks helped me to know myself. That's why I'm trying to come in contact with her, and maybe talk about a second chance. Im a scorpion by the way.

sliptthrucrack · May 30, 2007, 08:57 AM

Two wrongs don't make a right! By you doing what you did to her, I personally would not go back with you either. Not to mention that she did cheat on you. That goes to show you that once a cheater will always be a cheater and you don't need that neither. Sweetie, life goes on and I am sure you have heard this before... there are a lot of fish in the sea. You have plenty of time to find your soul mate. But you do have to change your ways with the girls and just trust them. Never spy!! It only comes back to haunt you. Enjoy life and don't rush it.

jameiewilson123 · May 30, 2007, 09:34 AM

[my advice to you my friend is to ease up, and give her some space it's clear that she don't want anything to do with you right now. Then again she is hurt and need some time to think . Love should never be a one way street always remember that. If you are thinking about her better belive she is doing the same, won't you wait and see if see will respond to you. Because right now she is thinking about all of the bad things you have done to her. I know she cheated on you but everyone is human and humans do make mistakes. Because it's plently of blame to be spreaded around. Just make one more attempt and be sincere and not pushy not to say you have been just lay it out on the table. If all fails move on buddy because somewhere the feelings are not mutal. GOOD LUCK

NeoJunior · May 30, 2007, 09:41 AM

Originally Posted by jameiewilson123

my advice to you my friend is to ease up, and give her some space it's clear that she don't want anything to do with you right now. Then again she is hurt and need some time to think . Love should never be a one way street always remember that. If you are thinking about her better belive she is doing the same, won't you wait and see if see will respond to you. Because right now she is thinking about all of the bad things you have done to her. I know she cheated on you but everyone is human and humans do make mistakes. Because it's plently of blame to be spreaded around. Just make one more attempt and be sincere and not pushy not to say you have been just lay it out on the table. If all fails move on buddy because somewhere the feelings are not mutal. GOOD LUCK

I appreciate you answer my friend. I know she is hurt. Me either. But I guess I don't care so much of my feelings because I know what I have done wrong. That makes me not hate her. But hate myself in somehow. Because everything was OK, really, until she used to go out a little more in clubs and so, and I became jelous and controlling. I know I pushed her right to the cheating. I could do it too if someone could be so controlling over me. I believe!

Stunning07 · May 30, 2007, 09:54 AM

Listen no matter how controlling you are, she had no rights to cheat on you, simple as that, you need to not blame yourself for what you did, I've also learned if you blame yourself you will never be able to get over your mistakes, no ones perfect its okay, but she made the mistake in cheating, and now its done with, drop it and hardest part is you need to drop her she cheated, n got caught game over.

NeoJunior · May 30, 2007, 10:02 AM

Originally Posted by Stunning07

listen no matter how controlling you are, she had no rights to cheat on you, simple as that, you need to not blame your self for waht you did, I've also learned if you blame yourself you will never be able to get over your mistakes, no ones perfect its okay, but she made the mistake in cheating, and now its done with, drop it and hardest part is you need to drop her she cheated, n got caught game over.

Go easy brother. I know cheating is not normal, but remember, in somehow I did it too. Spying on her. Why should I forgive myself, and not her? And remember, it was my fault the last 2 months for controlling her and being possessive, and not making things a little easier. Now, all I know that I learned a lot from all this situation, and even with or without her, I will be a better person, that's all. I just don't want to loose her, but if its meant to be like that, what should I do.

Stunning07 · May 30, 2007, 10:16 AM

I was in your shoes, when my girlfriend broke up with me because she was fed up w/ me, I would call her all the time saying sorry my bad, basically begging to get her back, and no matter how much you think talking to her would make her change her mind it does't it actually pushes them away, its like human nature... I've learend one thing that I would do in your shoes its hard but you will figure out if her love is true...

In a non begging way just tell her simply how you feel about her, and once she gets her things straight let her know you might or might not be there, but still would like to be friends... than you need to start NC and give her time, to think about everything and give her time to miss you

NC is real hard the first week real hard, find friends, be busy, hang out, it will be tuff but it's the best for both until she relises wahts best for both.

NeoJunior · May 30, 2007, 10:21 AM

Originally Posted by Stunning07

i was in your shoes, when my gf broke up with me because she was fed up w/ me, i would call her all the time saying sorry my bad, basically begging to get her back, and no matter how much you think talking to her would make her change her mind it does't it actually pushes them away, its like human nature.... i've learend one thing that i would do in your shoes its hard but you will figure out if her love is true.....

in a non begging way just tell her simply how you feel about her, and once she gets her things straight let her know you might or might not be there, but still would like to be freinds.... than you need to start NC and give her time, to think about everything and give her time to miss you

NC is real hard the first week real hard, find friends, be busy, hang out, it will be tuff but its the best for both until she relises wahts best for both.

I think I know what you mean. Yeah, trying to bring them back, makes them push away. I know that. But what do you mean with "in a non begging way just tell her how do you feel about her"? Im trying to write a letter, but I don't know what to write. I think I should talk about my mistakes and the fact I'm aware what I have done to bring all the . What do you think ?

NeoJunior · May 30, 2007, 10:31 AM

Originally Posted by Stunning07

i was in your shoes, when my gf broke up with me because she was fed up w/ me, i would call her all the time saying sorry my bad, basically begging to get her back, and no matter how much you think talking to her would make her change her mind it does't it actually pushes them away, its like human nature.... i've learend one thing that i would do in your shoes its hard but you will figure out if her love is true.....

in a non begging way just tell her simply how you feel about her, and once she gets her things straight let her know you might or might not be there, but still would like to be freinds.... than you need to start NC and give her time, to think about everything and give her time to miss you

NC is real hard the first week real hard, find friends, be busy, hang out, it will be tuff but its the best for both until she relises wahts best for both.

And buddy, if I can ask you, could you talk to me online, cause waiting here for a response, is terrible :) well if you think we can talk online my address is [email protected].