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NItEMArE129 · Feb 12, 2009, 02:22 PM

Threads merged

I've been with my girlfriend for 8 months and it's been pretty good until now. We've messed up a lot but it's probably because it's our first real relationship. But now, I met another girl that I really like, and I don't know if I want to break up. Plus, my girlfriend now is bipolar and has clinical depression and I'm scared that if I break up with her she'll try to kill herself because she's tried before. Please help me... I have no idea what to do.

kctiger · Feb 12, 2009, 02:24 PM

Well... kind of a newsflash for you, but usually, in a relationship, when things aren't working out, the two of you try and communicate, and fix the problems, rather than just leaving for the next best thing...

NItEMArE129 · Feb 12, 2009, 02:30 PM

I know. We've been doing that for 8 months, and I haven't talked to her about it because we haven't had enough time. I'm just looking for some input because I don't know what to say or how to tell what I want.

kctiger · Feb 12, 2009, 02:31 PM

Things always look better on the outside when things are going bad on the inside, know what I mean? Doesn't always mean it is the truth.

NItEMArE129 · Feb 12, 2009, 02:34 PM

Well we haven't really had any problems or fights lately. In fact, it's been OK lately, nothing bad happening. So there's not really anything bad right now, and it complicates things.

kctiger · Feb 12, 2009, 02:35 PM

You can't control how you feel, but you can control what your actions are in regards to those feelings...

NItEMArE129 · Feb 12, 2009, 02:38 PM

But if you don't listen to your feelings, isn't it possible to not be happy? If you stay with someone your not attracted to, wouldn't that make it impossible to be happy with them?

kctiger · Feb 12, 2009, 02:41 PM

But where does it stop, you know? Are you going to continue to leapfrog when the next best thing comes around? Not everything is as good as it may seem... just because this other girl is attractive doesn't mean it would make a great relationship. One thing has nothing to do with the other. When I had a girlfriend, there were still a TON of girls I thought I would for sure go to bed with if I was single, but I would have never just dumped my girlfriend for that possibility.

NItEMArE129 · Feb 12, 2009, 02:42 PM

Yeah, I know what you mean. I was in a situation like this before and I turned the girl down, but this time it's a stronger attraction... I don't want to make a mistake, you know?

kctiger · Feb 12, 2009, 02:45 PM

Look. There are plenty of bangin' chicks out there that I would LOVE to have all sorts of fun with (sorry girls), but if you are in a relationship, I don't think that thought even crosses your mind. Clearly, you do NOT want to be in this relationship, as you are worried about making a mistake by NOT breaking up with her for this new girl. Most of us guys would be worried about making a mistake by breaking up with our girlfriend just to date a more attractive girl. Mistakes go both ways partner...

My advice, don't think with your little head, think with your bigger one.

NItEMArE129 · Feb 12, 2009, 02:49 PM

Well I don't really like this other girl for her looks, more for her personality.

talaniman · Feb 12, 2009, 04:55 PM

I'm scared that if I break up with her she'll try to kill herself because she's tried before

Staying out of fear is a fools game, so don't play it. From reading your other posts you two don't seem compatible, and should just end it. Knowing when to let go and move ahead is a skill worth developing, but I caution you on jumping into someone else's life right away, as some time alone is what you need to end a lot of confusion.

NItEMArE129 · Feb 14, 2009, 01:44 PM

Threads merged

The title says it all. What do you people think? I think it's okay as long as it doesn't lead to something else. But that's just me. What do you think?

TrueFaith · Feb 14, 2009, 03:18 PM

Well this is a very good point.

As I have said many times before

We Can't Control our feelings
But we can control our actions.

And that is the main thing here.

I will give you my opinion on this one.

1. if you are in a relationship. And you have a friend that is really good looking and makes you laugh, does all the right things for you.

Then I am sorry you should not be in a relationship because a partner should full all those aspecs..

Now if you find someone else just good looking. Then that is normal. Even with me when I am with my girlfriend and I see another girl. I love my girlfriend to death but I find other girls pretty as well.
The same with her and guys

My point is. If you are liking other people. And I mean really liking them. Not just oh hey there cute etc etc
Then you should sit down with yourself and think long and hard about your current relationship

If its good. If its what you want? If both you and your partner want the same things.
Because if people look else where. Then they can't be happy with what they have.
And some people are just never happy with what they got..

I don't think there's anything wrong with liking others while you are in a relationship
I do however think it is unfair to the person you are with.
And even though you can't control how you feel
Maybe its your own way of telling you.. you are not ready to have a relationship with that person

oldenoughtoknow · Feb 14, 2009, 03:20 PM

You can't help if you like someone else. It depends if you indulge yourself though by sending extra emails and texts or find excuses to spend extra time with and neglect your partner, then that could be a slippery slope.

talaniman · Feb 15, 2009, 10:28 AM

Is it wrong to like someone else while you're in a relationship?

Its not wrong, its human. It doesn't get to be wrong until you cross the lines of good behavior.

NItEMArE129 · Apr 27, 2009, 08:04 PM

Threads merged

So yea, my girlfriend and I have been going out for quite a while, and our 1 year is coming up fairly soon. She's moving to CA this summer, so I won't be able to see her too often afterwards, so I want to make something really special for her. I've considered a poem, but I've already given her one. So what do you guys think? Any suggestions? Much appreciated =] And please, no advice on long distance relationships. That is not for this thread.

kayjay09 · Apr 27, 2009, 08:12 PM

Another poem wouldn't hurt. Even if it's the second one you've given her, a poem comes from the heart, and it's very personal, and I'm sure she'd appreciate it. Since you won't be seeing her as often once she moves, give her a night she won't forget... take her to dinner, buy her flowers. You don't have to go TOO crazy, but just give her something to remember before she leaves. :) good luck.

neverme · Apr 27, 2009, 08:15 PM

I find that if you write down honestly what you think of her and your relationship, how you see her and the last year that you've spent with her, all of the good things... that would make her very happy.

Then on the day just make her feel special, bring her flowers, take her out. I think that if weather permits bringing her around to the places that remind you of her that would be nice especially considering she's going away :)

Let me know what you think and I'll keep thinking. :D

lightbulbs1 · Apr 27, 2009, 10:13 PM

Try take her some place that she really likes.