I read your original post, and I think you made the better decision. Don't call her back period though. She made her choice. The part about taking it slow and easing off, is a nice way of saying "well things are getting rough now and I'm back to my familiar territory, back to my protector, and that is not you".

Oops, I did it again! Hihihihihiih

Update: she wasn't fired today, but moved from sales department to client services... its less pay, but at least she isn't fired and won't have to leave the country because of her visa!

So I called her today when I heard about it from my brother (a manager in her company), she seemed fine... a bit sad, but also happy because of the less stress, etc.

Then SHE asked to see me... so we went somewhere for dinner... had a nice long talk, flirting, etc... she again told me that she is sorry for the way things turned out, but she didn't think it was fair to me or for us to stay longer together when she realized she had feelings for her ex.. she also said she really likes me and loves me etc

Then she told me how her and her ex fought last night...

After we had some drinks, dropped her home, we made out a bit ;).. and then she said she wants to see me again tmrw, I said "we'll see, call me"...

Anyway, I know we've beaten this story down to a pulp, and everyone has said their piece; but I will still update you guys, or at least the ones still interested :)

Take care

That doesn't mean she won't leave her ex.

Maybe she will leave him/get over him, maybe she won't...

Tonight was just about enjoying the "good" news about her staying in dubai and her new move at work...

I'm enjoying seeing her and talking to her and kissing her again... but I have to be careful not to let her "have her cake and eat it too".. meaning, I have to say "no" to seeing her sometimes... not answer the occasional phonecall, maybe answer some girls phone calls while she is with me

All in good time, my friends.. all in good time

Lol you are really trying hard, Good luck with it.

Thanks bro.. good luck to you 2

My man, you're her consolation prize. She goes out with you AFTER she fights with her ex. She's cool with you AFTER she doesn't get fired. You're being played like a fiddle my friend. As soon as she patches things up with her ex your getting the silver medal, second prize, the moral victory etc etc. Don't be foolish. She's got too much baggage. Move on.

I couldn't agree with enigmagnetic more!! I feel that this girl cannot stand to be alone and needs to have someone there for her at all times. If she is not getting what she needs from the boyfriend of 10 years, then she goes to you. She KNOWS that you will be there whenever she needs you to be. In fact, she DEMANDS it. When you told her that you could be there in 10 minutes, that was not good enough - she needed you in 5 minutes. Again, whether you realize it or not, she IS calling all the shots. You may think that you are in control, but you are not because you are waiting for her to decide the outcome of the relationship. There may be flirting, but that is just to fill a small need but is not enough to sustain a relationship. I believe that the call the other night was in fact a booty call of sorts. Yes, you went out to dinner and yes she said that she loved you, but that was after she asked you. People have different ideas of what love is and it sounds like what you think love is is so different from what she thinks love is. You need to seiously talk about this. I love in different ways and at different levels. The love that I have for my family is different from the love that I have from my friends and is TOTALLY different from the love that I have for my boyfriend.

You nailed it mom, but what can you expect when your still in the stranger stage, after a 4 month thing that didn't work?? But he IS still trying.

Hmmm, I must agree with everyone that you need to move on. I read through all the pages on this thread and it seems that you keep adding more to the story as it unfold and I guess your responsing so much that your forgotting what your saying. This girl is not confused she knows exactly what she is doing. She flopping back and forth but she just get to see you because you and her live in the same country, while her ex of ten years don't. I wonder if she will be saying that or considering being with you if the ex was in town, no. Also, it interersting you knows about him while he don't know about you. I think it's unfair to him that he is being kept in the woods. It been proven that she is still in contact with him from what you wrote and she was at least talking with him last night from what you said, so what do you think they talk about?? Her job? The weather? No, then two. If he was there she would be locking lips with him.

You came on here seeking people advice and then you call it bad when it is not what you want to hear. You have used words to describe your situation but when other people used the same words you used you become mad or take it as someone calling you a bad person, which no one did. Everyone is being honest but you don't want to hear it. We all laern from our mistakes but you can also learn from other people mistakes. You're right when you say it's your life so your going do what you want. This girl is not someone who can offer anything to you but heartache and add confusion to your life. Analyizing every move or conversation with her is not good either. Her heart is with someone else and why would you want to be with someone who with you one day then leaves. Then she says she likes you but don't love you, then you loves you. Open your eyes and see her for what she is. If you wasn't in this situation but a friend of your was, what would you tell them??

Hmmm... where do I begin.. me against the world huh? The way I like it... ;)

OK... 1) I never got mad at anyone, I never said anyone's advice is bad, and I listen and read all posts! FOR THE LAST TIME!

2) yes, it is my life... and I'm the one who knows the situation best, so I decide what is best for me... again, I never said the NC strategy doesn't work or is bad, but I thought my strategy of balance was best for this situation!

3) if her ex was in the same town, we would have never met and gone out in the first place! And because he lives in another country and because she rejected his marriage proposal, is what helped us get together anyway... that is exactly why I say that she should move on and forget the past... her ex boyfriend is the past and lives far away, while I live with her here

4) she IS confused... and if some of you guys read some of your OWN posts from a while back, many of you agreed she was confused and told me to give her space! What changed hmmm?

The girl fell for me fast and it started getting serious... then she started talking to her ex when she got stressed at work, and realized she still had feelings for him... so now she is thinking: do I get back with my ex of 10yrs who lives away, or stay with the guy that I have been happy with the past 4 mnths?

If she wasn't confused, if she was sure she only wanted him, then why does she still call and want to see me, and want to kiss me?

I know when IM sure I want to be back FULLY with my ex, I would cut the person I'm with out! No contact, to avoid confusion... but she still initiates contact because there is still smthg there

I'm sorry, but you guys living thousands of miles away, can't see that... I see it, and she tells me she is confused... she loves what she had with her ex and the fact that he wants to marry her, and she loves what she has with me and where it can go

And when she said be here in 5 minutes, not 10, she didn't mean it in a bad or manipulative way like you suggested, mom of 2.. she meant it in a sexy way ;).. like hurry, I need your lovin' heheh

5) if my friend was in this situation: I would ask him if he really wants to be with her and if he really loves her.. if she is worth this trouble... if he wants her back?. if he says yes, then I would wish him good luck, and tell him to try to get her back at least...

I said a million times, the moment I feel that she is fully over me and decides to get back with her ex, and only wants me as a friend, I will back away... but as long as things are going the way they are now, I'm going to try, because I don't like living with regret!

6) talaniman, stop making me sound desperate... u don't know me... ive been with many girls before, and dumped and been dumped, and never thought twice... but when I feel she is someone I love, I work on it, not give up!

U don't know me, or how I act, or how I feel... I love being single almost as much as I love being with this girl... so trust me, the way I'm feeling now is confident... 3 weeks ago, she "broke up" because she realized she still had feelings for the ex and said it wasn't fair to the both of us... we weren't talking at all... but now, after MY strategy, we are back to talking and seeing each other and making out... hmmmmm... was that all her? Come on!.

By the way, for anyone interested on "how to get their gf back", drop me an email and I'll give you some tips free of charge!

Mom of 2: your right about smthg... that the ONLY thing she may be calling the shots on is the outcome of the relationship.. SHE has to decide if she is going to move on and be with me or stay with her ex... the only thing I can do is "help" her decide in my favor

And I do that by being smart and not making her "have her cake and eat it too"

And as for your definition of love: u are also right... love for friends is different for family, etc. I know this, and she told me... she loves her ex because of what they had, he wants to marry her for Gods sakes... she loves me for what we have and how we are together, and what we can have

And if you remember, she told me she loved me first when I was on vacation but was waiting for me to get back to dubai to tell me in person

Anyway, doesn't matter... the point is... YES, the girl has baggage.. but I was willing to overlook it from the start of our relationship, and willing to overlook it now... there WILL be a time when she has to decide what/who she wants... for now, she is still CONFUSED...

When she decides: if it is me, then I will be telling all of you I TOLD U SO... if its not me, then I will be expecting you guys to tell me the same thing, but then will HAPPILY move on and go back to my life of partying, travelling, and women

Life is too short to spend trying to make smthg work, but regret is also a bit*h


Regards

You are blind :(

We await your example that you know what your talking about. "Shrug" wish you luck.

And deaf too apparently ;) hahaha

I liked u better when u wished me good luck :P

Take care man

Lol I still wish you luck man I do I wish everyone could be happy forever.

Only time will tell, talaniman...

Thanks for your wishes.. appreciate your posts and experience.. really!

enigmagnetic's word of caution is very valid here. It could be that she is playing a game, but you show no aversion to playing a bit yourself, by what you plan on doing... i.e. keeping her guessing and talking to (even if pretending) other girls while she's around, or being busy once in a while.

So, for right now, it's a game of life that you are playing and you seem to be certain that it could go both ways. I just hope that you both stop playing and start being 'real' before you regret it.

You are single, and entitled to play any field of your choice. When the time comes to get 'settled' you will realize that there is no need to play any more. Whether it's with this girl or another, only time will tell.

Hope your plan works for you... keep us posted. The way I see it, the 'score' is a tie and might go into overtime to reach a 'goal'.

Good Luck.

No, you didn't said. Your actions/reactions did.

Your so-called "strategy", for me is nothing but a NEED of yours to stay in contact with her.
1. Because of her ex, you had to know each other, as she was feeling alone
2. its her life and she makes her own decisions. Love doesn't know distances. And sometimes those distances make it stronger.

What changed? We all change our opinions about someone, according to his/her actions. But if you read more carefully, some of us told you since the beginning to stop everything and move on.

Don't you get it, or don't you want to get it? If you ask the girl about this "getting serious" you will have a completely other answer, but not what you are thinking! Even about "work stress!"

2 answers:
a. the power of old behaviour,
b. she knows she has the control and she wants to prove it to herself.

You choose.


Never ever look at people's words when they have a problem. They might not be sincere.

You are not in the position to answer that kind of question, tabbarat.

1. talaniman is one of the best. He is for sure not trying to desperate or put down anyone, but help. Its up to you to understand.
2. you are not uncommon, regarding to dumped and been dumped, and not giving up.

People, our words are not worth. Don't waste your time on this case. Sorry for you tabbarat. Good luck on your life.

Chery: thanks for your wishes... ur right, I do feel it's a "tie" and going into overtime... it can go either way, and I'm willing to stay in the "game" until it is over (i.e get back together, or one of us decides enough is enough)

But I am making sure she doesn't have her cake and eat it too... I tell her I'm busy sometimes, and "forget" to call her when she tells me to call or message her back... I am answering other girls/ex gf's phone calls when she is with me, etc.

Matteus: NEED is a strong word... I do want her back... but I am being smart about it... im not being a wuss... I give her space, but flirt with her time to time... give her enough time to miss me, then pop back in the picture... I know exactly what I'm doing, and so far it is working... we are back to talking and kissing, etc... so it is a strategy

Your saying she still calls me and wants to kiss me because of "power of old behavior"... why is it NEED for me, but "old behavior" for her?. thats a double standard... dont complicate it... there is smthg still there obviously, and that's why she still wants to see me... she is not fully over me...

Thank for your advice, matteus, really I appreciate it... but I don't need you or anyone's pity... im fine and happy... there is a chance I might get back with a girl I really care about... if we do get back that's great; if not, I know I'll be happy too!. I feel confident and no regret about whatever the outcome is

PS. No one is forcing anyone to write on this case... all posts welcome

Regards

Do you know the meaning of "have the cake and eat it too"? I guess