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Originally Posted by Jiser

Well I would wait a month or two, give you time to think before you start chatting again. I would keep it light - maybe over msn or something! In the mean time move on.

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Yeah, see what you mean, its at an awkward moment just now, she goes on holiday this week then its her birthday party nxt week, considered sending a messgae to say have a good time. Guess I'm just a little scared of leaving no contact too long then she feels uncomfortable after so long and wonders why I decide to text now

So if it's a friendship you can deal with then you don't have a problem, but if you still have feelings and are looking to get the relationship back by hanging around and being nice then you should leave her alone until those emotions are under better control. Ask yourself, how will you feel if she starts to date someone else? If it bothers you then go with no contact. If not have fun. Holding on just because you think there is hope for a relationship is not healthy.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

So if its a friendship you can deal with then you don't have a problem, but if you still have feelings and are looking to get the relationship back by hanging around and being nice then you should leave her alone until those emotions are under better control. Ask yourself, how will you feel if she starts to date someone else? If it bothers you then go with no contact. If not have fun. Holding on just because you think there is hope for a relationship is not healthy.

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Yeah if she is with someone else that will really hurt big time and id probably take it personally. No contact may mean that she forgets about me though and does meet someone. I understand no contact helps the healing but it will help her too, and I know her friends will be advising her she has done the right thing.

I'm shocked she hasn't contacted me in nearly 2weeks even though it was me who said I would talk to her if I seen her out and about but we should not text or call. I guess she has forgotten about me or isn't that bothered.

Best not speculate over something you don't know. 21 year old females are so caught up with figuring themselves and their lives out, that they can be very confusing. I think this is more the case than anything you've done. Your at different places as far as maturity, and stability goes, and all she wants is to have a great time and run a round and see as much as she can and do as much as she can. You just have to let her, and accept that is how it goes. You knew this from the beginning, but chose to pass it over. I think a much more mature and uncomplicated female would be a lot better for you, as its less drama and confusion. The younger ones are wild and only time can tame them.

Listen to tal buddy, that response above is 100% accurate in my opinion.

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Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

Listen to tal buddy, that response above is 100% accurate in my opinion.

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I agree 100% as well which I must admit makes me see things a little clearer, its just the being friends thing I'm usure of what to do, I keep chopping and changing my mind

I think this kind of thing teaches us 27 year olds to go for woman slightly older who are as tal suggests, tamed...

So much growing happens between 18 and 25 (in my opinion)

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Originally Posted by Tyne26

I agree 100% as well which i must admit makes me see things a little clearer, its just the being friends thing im usure of what to do, i keep chopping and changing my mind

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Probably best to move on from this one...

You are too old for her and better you find this out now than 3 years down the line when your feelings are much deeper. You are at different maturity levels...

She is young and is having fun being young. She probably isn't interested in anything too serious.

Well the latest situation is I've got a date tonight, I know this girl through friends and thought why not?

Im feeling a little guilty though for sort of using her when my mind is still on the previous girl. I feel I'm kicking myself for acting too nice with the previous one, I acted out of character as if I wasn't myself. I made myself too available, she doesn't know the real me and that's why I feel like I need to prove that to her. She likes a challenge and I didn't give that, I usually do with other girls and it worked.

Fair enough I can date other people but I'm wanting to prove to the last one that I am good enough for what she looks in a man. She said she hates a guy being nice all the time and thts just not me yet I acted like that, thinking she would like it.

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Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

Probably best to move on from this one...

You are too old for her and better you find this out now than 3 years down the line when your feelings are much deeper. You are at different maturity levels...

She is young and is having fun being young. She probably isn't interested in anything too serious.

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Its her birthday today I feel like texting just to wish her a nice birthday. I know I've said about no contact and I have stuck by it, its been 3 weeks, but I'm thinking if I just text that then that maybe appreciated by her

Don't expect anything in return. Honestly I wouldn't bother, but that's just me.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Don't expect anything in return. Honestly I wouldn't bother, but thats just me.

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Im not expecting anything, honestly. I just thought it's the nice thing to do but on the negative side is this not showing I've been thinking of her and will give her an ego boost?

I don't want her to feel she can still have me or think I still miss her inm anyway or want to be with her

Then leave it alone, as you have no idea of her mindset. Forget her and do what's right for you. Put you first. She has plenty of friends to tell her happy birthday. This is a non issue.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Then leave it alone, as you have no idea of her mindset. Forget her and do whats right for you. Put you first. She has plenty of friends to tell her happy birthday. This is a non issue.

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I felt I was doing it for me, by showing I'm thoughtful, but I don't know if I'm just doing it as an excuse to make contact, it would pobably be making her feel better as well i.e. she did nothing wrong as he still wants to text you know?

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but I don't know if I'm just doing it as an excuse to make contact,

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Be honest with yourself, and stop justifying your intentions.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Be honest with yourself, and stop justifying your intentions.

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Yeah I agree, I didn't contact her yesterday and I'm glad I didn't. This weekend is going to be tough though, its her 21st birthday party and she will be going to a nightclub which I go to. I don't know whether to avoid it or not. There is also a guy going to her party whom I thought she kind of liked, I know I'm thinking of the worst case scenario but I just think of them together and I'm in the club. Just wish this week was over with to be honest.

I certainly won't contact her though, it will do me no good anyway.

You can always plan your own fun for the weekend, and then time will just fly by, and before you know it the weekend will be over.

Well go to a different night club :P

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Originally Posted by Jiser

Well go to a different night club :P

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Think I'm going to have to mate, It will just be on my mind all night I know it will. Problem is don't think any of my mates are going out this weekend so its going to be one with too much time on my hands

Go join a gym, go try some new hobbies. I met my ex via someone who knew someone I met at a hobby, in fact I met most of my friends through a hobby or from old part time jobs. So get out there and don't mope about at home and whatever you do don't go where miss.ex is. Ignorance is bliss.