I agree with Tal, although I understand the fact that we all need someone, at some point in our lives, to tell us that we are beautiful, attractive, smart or just funny, someone to listen to our stories and ask how our day was... It is the way I lived until recently.

Lately, I discovered the joy of doing these things by myself. Remember you would not compliment yourself when you think you look like s**t, but other people would - so it feels much better to see yourself in the mirror and think "wow, I really do look great today", or to tell your stories in a blog (the joy of seeing your visitors from all over the world is priceless) with paintings or just crafting something for yourself, is much better than hearing it from a stranger you meet in a bar, or on the internet (don't get me wrong, I'm not against e-dating, when you are ready to date.)

Everyone can say "I love you." But you can only know for sure when you say it to yourself. Patience is the key and you are just not there yet.

I wonder what is wrong with me. I can't just be OK with the reality of my situation I'm so emotionally attached to this person I hate it. It's tearing me up inside and I don't have any way to make myself feel better. I really think I just want to lose myself in another person. Last night I'm pretty sure I've ruined any chance at friendship with my ex. The whole situation is too hard for me to accept so then I act out to get his attention and just end up pushing him away. He asked me if maybe subconsciously that's what I wanted to... but the truth is the opposite. I want so badly not to lose him and I've ended up making him so mad at me that I've literally drove him away. What does that mean about me and why would I do this? I don't even understand my actions anymore. I'm ashamed of myself and that I feel like I can't control my emotions. I was literally out control last night. I've made a complete fool of myself and the added stress of having to move is horrible. I don't have any family or friends near by so I have no one to comfort me. I want so badly to make things right but it is so pointless anymore. Why can't I just let go while being OK all alone?

Being after this guy is the whole issue.

Wean yourself off, C'mon. Slap yourself. You have a zillion messages.

Don't be that needy. Stop thinking that he is the only one in your life.
He hasn't, is, or wasn't going to work. You just kept hanging round. Wishing.
Free room.

"I can't just be ok with the reality of my situation"
That's the whole point.

"I don't have any family or friends near by"
So what? call them.

If, not. AMHD will point you in the right direction.

Sounds like you are FINALLY getting the message.
He isn't your guy,

Its time to go, now.

Move on. Pack your bags.

Simply put, you are afraid, and you need to reach out, as you have done here, to those that can and will help, and know how to. Calm yourself, and forget all this guilt, sit and look around and see what your options are, be they family, friends, or experts that can guide you through the process of making the right changes to heal yourself.