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I'm getting marry in a month I'm Muslim and my fiancé is Muslim too. Our marriage has been arrange by parents. The problem is that I'm not a virgin and I'm scared on my wedding night is future husband is going to realized that I'm not a virgin!! What should I do?? I don't know what to do because he just came from a Muslim country and if I tell him he would not understand!. please and advise of any kind.. I'm in danger
Just tell him you you broke your Hyman (if that's your concern) riding a bike. I know someone who had a nasty fall on a bike seat and broke theirs... seriously.
^Yeah, or tell him you broke it when you started using tampons.
The best solution would try and be honest with him. But I know there are probably some cultural differences that could cause you problems.
Excuse me? You said you are in danger! Why do you feel like you are in danger? Why are you agreeing to marry this man if you cannot be honest with him and you don't feel safe? I don't care what religion you are. Your safety comes first, and you should not start any marriage with no trust or dishonesty!
Never mind the cultural differences! This is NOT a good reason to marry someone if she feels in "danger!"Quote:
Originally Posted by a la king
Yeah, lying is a wonderful way to start a marriage! I won't give you a reddie, but this is not good advice. I don't understand why both of you are thinking that lying is the solution to this?!Quote:
Originally Posted by Fiona321
You're right. It was bad advice. But the reality is some of these cultural differences can get pretty messy when people instill the North American point of view.
This could very well be a much touchier subject than you are making it out to be.
Starby, women in some cultures have been known to have been stoned to death if they are not virgins on their wedding night. In those cultures women are nothing more than mere possessions.Quote:
Originally Posted by starbuck8
Big differences between western and eastern culture.. I've lived in many different countries plus working with people's issues, I agree that you should let this secret die with you... don't tell hime ever, even you've had sex with the whole fleet. Men's ego is fragile... just say NO.
If you marry an American or Canadian or a Brit, it's different story.
Perfectdolls: Can you tell us why you feel you are in danger? Is your family and soon to be inlaws strict with their beliefs?
Which country will you be residing in after marriage?
I agree J9.
I don't think we know enough about the Muslim customs and rules to give an accurate answer here.
I hope the OP comes back and explains her situation a bit better. Maybe someone with more info on the Muslim beliefs can come to offer some advice.
I do know that some religions are very strict about their women being virgins when they marry. I just have to wonder why this girl would put herself at risk by having sex, she must have known what would happen if she did so.
Altenweg: it almosts reads like the OP is not currently in a Muslim country.. so that may explain why she lost her virginity. Throwing caution to the wind and all that.
Someone who is familiar with the beliefs definitely needs to get in here.
I agree a la king. I have no idea what the Muslim faith entails or what can happen if the fact that she's not a virgin is discovered.
I do know that some countries and religions are very strict, as J9 said, some girls are killed if they aren't virgins on their wedding night.
I hope this girl comes back so that we can try to help her.
I realise that J. I could be wrong, it sounds like she lives in a western culture, and he is coming from a muslim country. Regardless, I think if she feels like she could be in danger, she needs to protect herself at any cost, regardless of religion. I just got the sense that she is very scared, and reaching out for help. I think we need Firmy's help here!Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
Haha I don't think you know enough about muslim culture.:D Forcing people to do things, physically abusing is normal in their culture and means to discipline.Quote:
Originally Posted by starbuck8
I didn't imply that I knew about enough about the culture, although I do know some. What I do know about is abuse, and it is not right no matter what culture you live in, or what religion you follow. I don't care what they call "normal." Physical abuse should not be tolerated period. We do however have an expert here that I have asked to help out with the OP's question.Quote:
Originally Posted by blue_st4r
I assume you found it funny that I was in fact trying to help this girl?
Their whole culture is like that. It is normal in their culture if men are very commanding and aggressive. I can only wish her for best. I know that the line is crossed when somebody is scared. But hey its culture clash. If she stands against it, her whole family will turn their back and disown her for it.
You don't want to know what penalities she could have under Quran for having sex before marriage. She's best left to give a false but believable story in this case.
OK, well if she takes your advice and doesn't lie about it, she could risk her life. I'm telling you people, Muslim marriage is on a whole different level than non-Islamic marriage. It's not even the same thing. Being a virgin when first being married is a very important thing, and marriage in general is a very important thing within Islam.Quote:
Originally Posted by starbuck8
Seriously, if you want to marry him, you're going to have to dodge this one and tell him that you inserted a tampon and broke your hymen... if you fear for your life or even reputation. Sometimes you might have to stretch the truth a bit to protect yourself. This is not even something that should hurt him if he found out later that you lied... like he would be so personally hurt if he found out you weren't a virgin when you married. That'd be shallow on his part. But of course because of your religion I can't judge on that...
You should tell him before you marry him. That way, if he has a problem with it it's not too late.
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