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ilovcali · Sep 12, 2007, 02:48 PM

Try and think about the negatives of what she did. SHE LEFT YOU! She decided you're NOT WHAT she wants. How does that make you feel? That should make you feel bad. And that should also make you realize that if that is how she feels, WHY DO I WANT TO TALK TO HER!

She will be on your mind. THAT IS NATURAL. Happens to everyone. And I hope this helps because it is harsh, BUT SHE DOES NOT CARE ANYMORE. That should really bother you. She walked out, left you feeling like crap and she's gone.

Would ever want to talk to anyone ELSE who made you feel like that? Use that knowledge anytime you have a moment of weakness.

--Cali

Ash123 · Sep 12, 2007, 02:57 PM

Theoretically, the negatives SHOULD work but I think the intensity of emotion can feel tantamount to love, if it can be achieved at all. And keeps her on the front burner.

... I would push for thinking about OTHER things... Indifference is the goal here. She is occupying a lot of brain space, and it's time to replace the cancer with fresh cells.

ilovcali · Sep 12, 2007, 03:08 PM

Yeah, my point was you won't reach indifference that quickly, that takes time. In the moments of weakness, think of all the reasons NOT TO CALL rather find excuses to call.

talaniman · Sep 12, 2007, 05:03 PM

Cali is correct as we miss some one so much we only feel the love, and ignore the misery and pain this person has put us through. Remember why your feeling bad,, YOU GOT DUMPED ON YOU BUTT!

friend4u178 · Sep 12, 2007, 05:44 PM

Tiodaat
You have done NC on numerous occasions and started to move forward , then you break it and go back to square one again. Ask yourself "Do I want to go back AGAIN" Whenever you have contact again you feel bad so why would you want to go back there? Some people don't have the luxury of going NC as they see their Ex's whether it be through school/work or social occasions , you have the Luxury so please use it. Don't go backwards again! NC from now on so you don't keep going 2 steps forward then 1 step back.

enigmagnetic · Oct 12, 2007, 06:08 PM

Originally Posted by margarita_momma

LONELINESS!

This is the #1 reason you feel the need to have contact with her. She is giving you the attention and feelings that you have been longing for since the break up. I recently went through this with my ex-husband after we filed for divorce. I had no feelings for him but yet I still kept in contact with him because I didn't want to feel alone. Time will make this feeling fade and two months doesn't even put a dent in it. Have you tried dating someone since the split?

I have three things to say.

1. Margarita your post is helpful in how my ex is feeling and why she may have contacted me.

2.Margarita you're extremely hot my lady. I would feel lonely if I was away from you too. ;) I would induce cat calls at the present moment but I'm a gentleman above all else. Plus you wouldn't hear them anyway. It's the net my dear.

3. Yeah man you haven't really parted ways with her. You feel a bit needy. I've spent 5 months arduously and vehemently avoiding my ex. Now she has emailed me. I contact her maybe once a week. I don't know what this means but there is no way I am going to compromise my improvement because she feels the need to help her self out. So I'm being highly cautious and rather aloof! It's seemingly the only way even if I could never be with her again to get her to respect me and miss me. You must man up dear boy. Take it easy and back off. She disappears for some time let her contact you.

needofhelp · Oct 12, 2007, 08:36 PM

When you love someone and have spent time with that person its like an addiction to a drug. Your mind gets addicted in ways like the body gets addicted. As you may guess, when you go cold turkey, NC, part of you (could be all of you) will want to get that 'hit' to satisfy the addiction. You will still have that urge to contact her in some way or another, whether its phone, text, online messages. You probably feel good after contacting her and waiting for a response. And when you do get the response, it may not be what you expected and will be trying to analyze it and find some hope there's a chance. It doesn't matter what the other person is doing, you guys aren't together, and if she wanted to be with you she would make the move. Stay strong, and focus on yourself.

Lialinn · Jan 10, 2009, 01:20 AM

Hmmm,
girls are romantic, they value emotions more than guys, and I think if you write a poetic letter telling her that you really love her sincerely, and that everybody faces problems in a relationship,and if you let go, you can find someone else easily, but you do not want to, because she is there. Tell her to take a week's time to think.If she feels the same for you, she will react positively.
But if she has another boyfriend already, that will not make you weak because you already made your point that if she does not want you, there will be others.
I think this is one of the ways where you use your head for the service of your heart.
and of course be prepared for negative results. If it will end, at least you will know for sure.
Take care