My wife who I love very much has male friends. That doesn't bother me. She texts' them and emails them, talks on the phone etc. She has been known to even go for lunch or dinner with them.

Recently she told me she want to go to the amusement park with him and my two kids. I told he that it seemed to be a bit too much. She also wanted to go "hang out" for a day with him or go over to his new apparement.

I lost it. And now she think Idon't trust her. Reality is I am not comfortable with my wife "hanging out" with another man. I find it to be in appropriate.

Am I a fool, jerk or just traditional.

If you trust her than it shouldn't be a problem that she has male friends. Is she spending more time with them than with you? Why aren't you going to the amusement park? If she invites you along and you decide not to go then it's your problem, but if she isn't including you then I think you have a right to worry and to be upset. One thing that I've realized in my life is that if you tell someone your concerns and they get upset or angry it's usually because you've hit the nail right on the head. If I'm accused of something I didn't do I ask questions first, tell the truth and if that doesn't work I might resort to anger because the person confronting me isn't listening. Anger is never the first option unless I'm guilty as charged.

I trusted my ex a lot, did some of the same things, like lunch, dinner, dances with her guy friends... She broke up with me for someone else... but long distance was a factor, and I know a lot more about her now, but that doesn't really matter anymore.

Anyway, how long have you been married? And I think marriage comes at a price, if she wants to be married to you then there are things that need to be sacrificed, and she needs to act in a socially acceptable manner. How many married women go out with their guy friends all day at an amusement park? Did she even ask you to come along?

But who knows, it could be totally innocent...

She has gone over the line.

You are not crazy.

On the streets they say: "Get your Bitc- on a leash!!" Which is NOT respectful, but the sentiment is somewhat appropriate here... she is out of control.

Anyway, slang aside, there is no way what she is doing is cool,
She is challenging your position. I would just casually say that it doesn't work for you...
If she has a problem with that - get a marriage counselor ASAP...

You may find that you find an ally in the counselor!

Hang in there... sorry your marriage is like this. I bet there's other problems too you haven't even mentioned.

She's married to you and is an example to her children--YOUR children. Yes, marriage comes at a price. She's no longer available for all-day events with other guys and without you.

BOUNDARIES!!!!!!!!! Talk about this and express your concerns. Glad your not jealous, but don't get carried away with the trust thing. I've been married 30 years, and my wife has male friends, whom I know well, but lunch maybe fine sometimes, but I drew the line at my kids being around, or helping decorate their living places, No freakin way. Don't even think about it. She may be naïve, but let her know that isn't happening, and it not a matter of you trusting her, but why should you trust them? Let them get their own decorators.

Nooooo! No and no. You are neither a fool, jerk or traditional. She has crossed the line, you have every right to feel this way. She is sharing things with this bloke that she should be sharing with you, namely her time and attention. Put your foot down and ask her to put a stop to it.

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Originally Posted by talon2006

My wife who I love very much has male friends. That doesn't bother me. She texts' them and emails them, talks on the phone etc. She has been known to even go for lunch or dinner with them.

Recently she told me she want to go to the amusement park with him and my two kids. I told he that it seemed to be a bit to much. She also wanted to go "hang out" for a day with him or go over to his new apparement.

I lost it. and now she think Idon't trust her. Reality is I am not comfortable with my wife "hanging out" with another man. I find it to be in appropriate.

Am I a fool, jerk or just traditional.

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Thank youall for the responses! I have been told I am childish.. and she is not 16 and she doesn't have to ask permission. She said it is apparent I don't trust her to run off withsoomeone the first chance.

My response,
We are married(8 years together 14) and I am not intersted in having a wife that is running around with another man. Going for lunch texts etc is fine , but she is crossing the line of respect for our marriage by going over to his house.

Some more information
I think she should be including me in her activities that include another man.
<she does't>
As for the amusement park.. I would be working...

SHE IS CLEARLY, OUT OF BOUNDS, AND OUT OF CONTROL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HER POSITION IS BULLCRAP! Do what you got to do.

It sounds like your wife is still stuck in her late-twenties clubbing, care-free lifestyle... and that's not appropriate. You are not out of line to request being included in your wife's "extra-curricular activities." (Or, extra-marital? The term, by definition, fits.) You are your children's Dad, not these other guys. You are her husband, not these other men.

I agree with Tal (again), you need boundaries. Your family is your clubhouse... your club, if you will. Don't think you are out of line when you request that your wife abide by the "clubhouse rules"... after all, she did sign on the dotted line. :)

Good luck, man.

Were you married young?

She seems stuck in her 20's or younger...

I suggest in the strongest terms, to stand firm in your convictions, because just me, mind you, No female will desrespect me, my house, or my kids, without catching hell. Your circumstance is unthinkable, to me. Forget work for a day, and get your house in order, unless he is a flaming gay guy!

Even if he isn't be proactive in knowing her male friends. EYE TO EYE!

Give me a break, there are boundaries, and she soared off the map. What she is asking of you is not fair it's not even sensible. She has crossed the line, and I don't think she grasp that trust is not the issue but RESPECT and common sense. I don't think she even thought about what she is asking you to accept. I am pretty sure that if the tables were turned she wouldn't appreciate you asking these things of her. What example is she setting for your children. I don't think this is a good idea, and she should not make you feel guilty, she should in fact be doing these things with you. If a friendship is what she is lacking out of your marriage than perhaps you need to be more of a friend to her. I would suggest counseling.. ASAP..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talon2006

My wife who I love very much has male friends. That doesn't bother me. She texts' them and emails them, talks on the phone etc. She has been known to even go for lunch or dinner with them.

Recently she told me she want to go to the amusement park with him and my two kids. I told he that it seemed to be a bit to much. She also wanted to go "hang out" for a day with him or go over to his new apparement.

I lost it. and now she think Idon't trust her. Reality is I am not comfortable with my wife "hanging out" with another man. I find it to be in appropriate.

Am I a fool, jerk or just traditional.

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I agree with you. Going to amusement park etc is similar to a date. Its all well and good, having male friends, but I totally see where your coming from.
I wouldn't have it, if my husbaqnd told me he was going to an am usement park, with a female friend, I wouldn't be there when he got home. And he is of the same opinion.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talon2006

My wife who I love very much has male friends. That doesn't bother me. She texts' them and emails them, talks on the phone etc. She has been known to even go for lunch or dinner with them.

Recently she told me she want to go to the amusement park with him and my two kids. I told he that it seemed to be a bit to much. She also wanted to go "hang out" for a day with him or go over to his new apparement.

I lost it. and now she think Idon't trust her. Reality is I am not comfortable with my wife "hanging out" with another man. I find it to be in appropriate.

Am I a fool, jerk or just traditional.

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Just wanted to say thank you to everyone.. for their responses. I'm glad a I found somewhere to ask questions and get an impartial view.

There are definitely boundaries that need to be followed. Get to a marriage counselor asap.


On another note...


It seems to me, (though I could be wrong) I recall a similar topic where the role was reversed and it was the guy who had the female friend, and it seemed that more commenters were cool with that??

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Originally Posted by mafiaangel180

On another note...


It seems to me, (though I could be wrong) I recall a similar topic where the role was reversed and it was the guy who had the female friend, and it seemed that more commenters were cool with that????

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That is a good point.

I think the difference here though, is that she is sort of making him replaceable... not good. Also, while there may be a double standard at work, when it comes to opposite sex relationships - I accept it here as not right...

I think she's out of line personally. You seem to be pretty cool about her talking to her friends and having lunch sometimes and that's great that you aren't the jealous type. But I agree that it doesn't seem right for a married woman to spend the day in some guy's apartment. Now, if she had asked you to go along to the amusement park and then over to his house to visit, then that would be different.

I think marriage counseling might really help. Ask her how she would feel if you spent time at another woman's apartment alone! What would she be thinking about it?

Sounds to me like she is trying to see just how far she can go with you.
You can be understanding and tolerant you can not be jealous, but you don't have to be a fool.
You guys need some counseling. She needs to know how inappropriate her behavior is and you maybe need to understand why you've allowed things to even go this far.
I'd tell her she needs to decide if she wants to be single or married.
Maybe she wants you to put your foot down and let her know that you will not share her with this man. Or maybe she wants you to kick her to the curb.
Good luck.