Originally Posted by janedoex
hello,
this is kinda long winded coz i have alot to get out of my chest, so bail now if u dont wanna do all this reading lol.....
heres my situation:
met a girl at work, we hit it off well. i'm gay, 27, shes straight 34. when i came out to her at work in confidence, she was very cool with it and we started becoming good friends outside of work. it escalated to the point of her becoming playfully flirtatious with me, and me reciprocating. it was all out of fun, and since i worked in a smaller group work setting at the time, everyone there eventually came to know and accept me and had no problems w my sexuality.
well eventually my playful flirting started to have a bit of meaning to it, and i developed a crush on this person. we started spending alot of time outside of work together, and talking on the phone. we became more comfortable w each other, and i guess naturally, we started to talk very frankly about our sex lives and so on....our conversations would become very detailed lets just say, and thats when our sexual tension started....don't know if me telling her what sex w a woman was like peaked her interests or not, or her telling me about how she is very wild and fun in bed peaked my interests....but one thing led to another, and as our sexual tension grew, so did our confort in expressing this tension. eventually, we became physical/ (it started out as phone sex), and it led to us sleeping together. after the 1st time, realizing that we really enjoyed it/ we decided to keep doing it/ our friendship now moved on to "friends w benefits", with the understanding that we enjoyed each others friendship and sex, but nothing more would come of it/
well.......months later, things started to change/ even though we hadn't acknowledged the change, it was noticable. where our intimate moments was just sexually charged, now there was a level of intimacy that wasn't there before. we would cuddle in bed afterwards, look into each others eyes and smile....so on and so forth. i started to get very confused about my feelings, and really thought about bailing before i became too emotionally attached, but deep down i knew it was too late. i had fallen for her, and somehow i thought that she may be feeling something more than she led on as well....even though all my gay friends told me she was using me for sex, and i would get my heart broken, and "never fall for a straight girl " and all the things i would tell someone if they told me this story....but nonetheless, i kept with her, because i just had this "feeling",
so, it just so happened to all come out one day- she was getting another job, and she was also noticing that change i was talking about.....she told a close friend about it/ and the advice she was given was to walk away now, because she will end up hurting me in the end. the friend wisely told her that she should play w my emotions, and if she has a feeling that i'm falling for her, she should be the one to end it before it effects our friendship, which was something that meant alot to her and she didn't want to lose. she was all set to heed her friends advise/ and i could tell at the start of the conversation where she was going with it..................except she didn't do it. instead she started to cry, and tell me that she was confused, and was not sure what was going on/ she told me she loves spending time w me, and i've made her feel something she hadnt felt in a while.....so then and there i told her how i felt about her. afterwards she asked me if i would truly be happy being w someone that couldnt even tell me she liked girls. in fact, she tells me that shes not attracted to women at all, she doesn't secretly look at women and want to be with them, she only really ever looked at men. she tells me that i'm her exception. so with all that said, i told her that i was aware of this risk, and that in the end i might not get what i want, but it was too late now/ i have fallen for her and i didn't wanna walk away without giving it a shot. because maybe just maybe, she is the girl for me...
4 months later, she is officially my girlfriend. still straight/ she has introduced me to her family as her friend, but didn't lie to them about my sexuality. she doesn't make excuses for being w me, and is pretty honest w her family about the time she spends w me, however has never hinted that she and i are together/ i have introduced her to my circle of friends, as my girlfriend. my "straight" girlfriend. and yes, some of them still question my logic..... i tell them the same thing. "who cares about labels? if it works it works, if it doesn't it doesn't" of course my insecurities have shown their ugly face here and there, i do get insecure about her liking guys, and secretly fear that its only a matter of time before she meets the male me and leaves me. she has her insecurites as well, about me leaving her for a "real lesbian" as she says, and we have a bunch of other issues, but the bottom line is i'm deeply in love w her and if i could would marry her tomorrow......
i guess my question is : if you were me, would you be crazy enough to think this might work? are there signs that i am missing here? is this girl just confused ? does it even matter that shes not gay? we have great sex, and she is also a giver as well as a receiver....but i dont know if this is something that can fulfill her as much as her being w a man can/ even though she tells me - u've made me happier than any man in a long time has...... i guess i'm afraid that despite all the positives it might still end up in heartbreak.....:confused: