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    rol's Avatar
    rol Posts: 804, Reputation: 162
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    #21

    Jun 1, 2007, 02:28 AM
    Yeah that does sound like what's going on,

    I've seen female friends do this to escape being alone.
    Allheart's Avatar
    Allheart Posts: 1,639, Reputation: 436
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    #22

    Jun 1, 2007, 02:30 AM
    And then I guess in time they do fill that void but I wonder how healthy a way is that really? I am thinking not so much.

    But I guess everyone deals with it differently. Ahhh life sure is not boring.

    Special hugs to you Rol - missed you. I guess we haven't been here at the same time. Great to see you again.
    rol's Avatar
    rol Posts: 804, Reputation: 162
    Senior Member
     
    #23

    Jun 1, 2007, 02:39 AM
    Aww great to see you allherat:) missed u too,
    I added an update on my thread just now also.
    rol's Avatar
    rol Posts: 804, Reputation: 162
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    #24

    Jun 1, 2007, 02:40 AM
    <, Ahhh life sure is not boring>.


    Very true...
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #25

    Jul 12, 2007, 12:07 PM
    Hey Skell, my current gal and I have known each other for a little over 4 months. We have lived together for over a month now.

    Sometimes you just know. She is the girl version of me. We don't like being apart. I am so attrached to her.

    It's always different - every relationship is different. It's NEVER how you envision it. Ever.

    Every day is so fresh between us. It's still very exciting.

    A friend of mine got married after 3 months. They were living together after a month.

    Now, we're both older than you.

    But my current gal and I can spend endless amount of time together. Taken two trips already - a third on the way.

    You just know.

    I am a little worried that this still bothered you after 12 months. You and your ex just were not for each other. Be happy for her!
    emopunk7's Avatar
    emopunk7 Posts: 1,052, Reputation: 161
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    #26

    Jul 12, 2007, 02:21 PM
    So she has been over you and you continue sad... I wonder what was said in the cab? DId you ask any questions? Ou deserve better than someone dumping you after so long. You will find the right one. I can imagine how hard it is... My ex told me it takes people a year to get over another... I will not let it take that long because I don't want her to think that she was that special... I want her to know that I got over her fairly quickly although not as quick as she. You should do the same... I always wonder how people can do that to another... I don't think I'd be able to.. If an ex came crawling back with such determination I'd be there for them and try for their sake unless things still go bad I'd make it very obvious of why it can't work until they realize it as well and we both agree to end it... Especially if we loved each other... But hey, you never know what's going to happen... Life is like a box of chocolates...
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #27

    Jul 12, 2007, 04:00 PM
    Normally I would think that 12 months would be sufficient time to get over one relationship and be ready to move on. Now if it were 12 weeks or 12 days, then I'd definitely say that there's a rebound going on here. However, that really isn't your problem ; it's between your ex and her new "significant other." You have no idea what she may have told him about what happened between you guys and you really don't need to worry about it. Let her do her thing. She may end up happy or she may end up getting burned. EIther way, it's not your problem so don't burden yourself with it.
    Geoffersonairplane's Avatar
    Geoffersonairplane Posts: 1,195, Reputation: 286
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    #28

    Jul 12, 2007, 04:19 PM
    She lost a good man Skell, a good person and Chuff's response was bang on the money. I can't even compete with that one.. LOL

    Looking at it without any one sided opinion or biased opinion might I say, my true opinion is that she is seeking what she once had and is somewhat fed up with what she thought she gained having thrown away what she had.

    This is where you have the upperhand, not necessarily on her, but with yourself. I don't need to tell you the reasons because in your heart, your mind, you already know them.
    Skell's Avatar
    Skell Posts: 1,863, Reputation: 514
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    #29

    Jul 12, 2007, 04:57 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wildcat21
    Hey Skell, my current gal and I have known each other for a little over 4 months. We have lived together for over a month now.

    Sometimes you just know. She is the girl version of me. We don't like being apart. I am so attrached to her.

    It's always different - every relationship is different. it's NEVER how you envision it. Ever.

    Every day is so fresh between us. It's still very exciting.

    A friend of mine got married after 3 months. they were living together after a month.

    Now, we're both older than you.

    But my current gal and I can spend endless amount of time together. Taken two trips already - a third on the way.

    You just know.

    I am a little worried that this still bothered you after 12 months. You and your ex just were not for each other. Be happy for her!
    So everything you have preached in the past about taking it slow doesn't apply now because you have a new girl and you are just meant to be?

    Sorry Wildcat but it sounds to me as though you are being quite hypocritical. For a year now I have sat here and listened to you ridicule people for going too fast, moving in too soon, making your significant other your life etc etc.

    But now all of a sudden you meet this amazing girl and that all goes out the window. You move in with her after 2 months and spend every day with her. What's that?? Talk about moving fast...

    Sorry but I can't take anything you say now seriously.

    In fact in my opinion it shows major flaws in AMHD that you are called an expert.

    Sorry to say that because you helped me and so many others a lot in the beginning and I appreciate it a lot as I have expressed to you but reading this just made me disappointed.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #30

    Jul 12, 2007, 05:21 PM
    How I missed this one is a sure sign that I need new glasses, or a new brain. Whew. As much as we may wonder the actions and motivations of another we can never really know what's up with them. I think all of us fill those unknown blanks according to how we feel, or with what makes us feel better. We still can never know, but we wonder anyway as that last little bit of grief and regrets drains from our system. The fact that you can wonder and not shed a tear, is a testament that you care, and curious, but not obsessed, which is a sign of good heath. I think she was already to embrace something to fill the void of the break up, but didn't have the many friends that you did, so how it turns out is still an open book. Wish her well as it couldn't be as easy as she makes it look. I daresay it was damn hard.
    Skell's Avatar
    Skell Posts: 1,863, Reputation: 514
    Ultra Member
     
    #31

    Jul 12, 2007, 05:36 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by s_cianci
    Normally I would think that 12 months would be sufficient time to get over one relationship and be ready to move on. Now if it were 12 weeks or 12 days, then I'd definitely say that there's a rebound going on here. However, that really isn't your problem ; it's between your ex and her new "significant other." You have no idea what she may have told him about what happened between you guys and you really don't need to worry about it. Let her do her thing. She may end up happy or she may end up getting burned. EIther way, it's not your problem so don't burden yourself with it.
    Im not worried at all. In fact I have moved on and have been seeing a girl for a little while now. Im certainly not ready to move in with her though. That was merely my question.

    I think some people are reading way too much into the reasons I started this thread. Im over her. Im happy. It was simply a question relating to some thoughts a had.
    Skell's Avatar
    Skell Posts: 1,863, Reputation: 514
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    #32

    Jul 12, 2007, 05:39 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman
    How I missed this one is a sure sign that I need new glasses, or a new brain. whew. As much as we may wonder the actions and motivations of another we can never really know whats up with them. I think all of us fill those unknown blanks according to how we feel, or with what makes us feel better. We still can never know, but we wonder anyway as that last little bit of grief and regrets drains from our system. The fact that you can wonder and not shed a tear, is a testament that you care, and curious, but not obsessed, which is a sign of good heath. I think she was already to embrace something to fill the void of the break up, but didn't have the many friends that you did, so how it turns out is still an open book. Wish her well as it couldn't be as easy as she makes it look. I daresay it was damn hard.
    Thank you Tal.

    Its good to say that a few of you actually understood my reasons for asking this question and posted accordingly.

    Such wise words from a wise man who truly is an expert.
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #33

    Jul 12, 2007, 05:43 PM
    Hello,

    I would just like to say that you have come a long way and it is so good that you have let things go and actually started to live your own life.

    Now about running into your past so to speak, that is exactly what it is. I know there will always be a part of you with her, but you and everybody knows that, that is where it needs to stay.

    Now even though you had a 7 year relationship. Every single person has a different opinion on what is good time to move on and what not. For you a year is too soon. For some others it is not. Do I personally feel like it is a good idea for a girl to move on so quickly, like moving in with somebody. Yes, it seems fast to us. Maybe for her it does not seem that way, maybe she found her match?

    Either way, it does not really matter. It is not your issue or problem. She has a different path, life choices to make. As well as you do.

    I was never put in your situation so I honestly do not know how I would react but I just know that once you separate it is up to each individual how fast or slow to move on.

    Joe
    Inspired's Avatar
    Inspired Posts: 178, Reputation: 22
    Junior Member
     
    #34

    Jul 12, 2007, 06:51 PM
    Skell,

    ITs great to hear you are doing better and seems that you are also over your ex. Its normal that you got numb when she told you that she has moved in with her boyfriend. You spent 7 years of your life with her. I do believe you are 99% over the situation. The reason why I say 99% is because we really don't completely get over these type of life experiences. We learn from them and then move on.

    I don't think it should bother you that she moved in with someone so soon. The reason for that is because she is not worth your thoughts. I know its easier said than done, but don't think about it. Maybe a part of you wants to see her relationship fail (because you were hurt, I know I would secretely wish that upon my ex). Don't worry about her relationship failing because she will get hers. What goes around comes around. Good luck and God Bless...
    Geoffersonairplane's Avatar
    Geoffersonairplane Posts: 1,195, Reputation: 286
    Ultra Member
     
    #35

    Jul 13, 2007, 03:53 AM
    Skell spent a big chapter of his life with this woman, at least 7 years. That is something he will never forget in his heart. I think it is true that you have moved on Skell and this is merely your perhaps curious caring side coming out. Just because you have moved on, it doesn't mean you can't feel concerned or even slightly curious. I know that it is not supposed to be anything for you to be concerned with but my point is that these thoughts you have are normal. Correct me if I am wrong anyone but I don't think this guy is taking any steps back from what I see.
    mckenzie134's Avatar
    mckenzie134 Posts: 647, Reputation: 67
    Senior Member
     
    #36

    Jul 13, 2007, 04:03 AM
    HI Skell, One year is quick to move on and move in. 4 years ago I had a girlfriend for 4 years when I was 20 to 24 she broke up with me and within the week she was living with her new boyfriend. How do you think that felt.

    Well amazingly 18 months later she called me and wanted to come back but I had moved on. Some girls just need to be with someone and I guess in her case this was what she needed. Its hard to understand and I tried for a longtime well 3 months till I met someone else and then I realised there insecurity is normally the reason and well maybe she will and I believe this in time she will realise it isn't that great but you will have moved on like myself...
    Jiser's Avatar
    Jiser Posts: 1,266, Reputation: 281
    Ultra Member
     
    #37

    Jul 13, 2007, 04:11 AM
    Its so sad when someone needs someone else for their happiness. Its so unhealthy and unrealistic. You should be happy in yourself first.

    Adding to that - My sister is in a really bad co-Dependant relationship. Not her necessarily but him. It has affected my family in a bad way and causes allot of stress + He has mucked her life up in a way. Not good!
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #38

    Jul 13, 2007, 10:27 AM
    Yep - love yourself first and that other person doesn't matter as much.

    I'd totally hangout with me.
    emopunk7's Avatar
    emopunk7 Posts: 1,052, Reputation: 161
    Ultra Member
     
    #39

    Jul 13, 2007, 10:52 AM
    I'd so hang out with me... Just not this week... lol
    Geoffersonairplane's Avatar
    Geoffersonairplane Posts: 1,195, Reputation: 286
    Ultra Member
     
    #40

    Jul 13, 2007, 12:22 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wildcat21
    Yep - love yourself first and that other person doesn't matter as much.

    I'd totally hangout with me.
    Wildcat, In some way, you seem different, sound different. Not really good or bad, I don't really know, you just don't have the same Wildcat tone.

    How is the book coming alomg if you don't mind me mentioning!

    Too bad if you do eh, because I just mentioned it... LOL... Smiles from then U.K.

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