You will always have us, enig. And don't forget--a person can feel lonely in a room full of in-laws. (Welcome to my life... )

Dear Abby says to find one or more people who will spend the holidays alone and get together with them for punch and cookies or a movie and dinner or a walk around the block. Better, visit a nursing home or a hospital or an animal shelter and even become a volunteer there. If you can give a little from your heart, you will get back tenfold. You need to be needed; volunteering will do that for you. Sit and chat with an old person about who they used to be in the world they used to live in, play Checkers with a hospitalized teenager, brush a few homeless cats.

Hey enigmagnetic,

I had a very difficult Christmas myself, very similar to yours... I kept zoning out, imagining what my ex was up to. She broke up with me about 7 weeks ago and finally moved out 10 days before Christmas. I almost skipped out on the whole family thing to stay at home and get drunk instead, but I'm glad I didn't, as difficult as it was. Not sure what I'm doing for New Years yet, but I recommend you try to find a party or something instead of being alone with your thoughts.

Cheers, things will get better for us both in the new year.

Well.

My ex and I broke up 2 weeks before christmas. We actually planned to spend the holidays at a ski lodge. I already booked the room.

As for christmas, I had to work on christmas eve + christmas... I was alone. At home. By myself. Digiorno (microwaveable pizza) and a movie.

My ex is spending it with the new guy (after 3 days of us breaking up)

As far as the ski lodge, I already invited a few friends to go with me. The hell with relationships!

Man I feeling you... I was trying to make a perfect christmas... so I ask this girl out I likes a lot and also thought she likes me too... but turn out

"Sorry Steven...i love you as a brother....."

So it sux big time and here I am spending time with my family my friends... over the holiday... hell that all we have and all we needed right?.

I saw her tonight. Looking radiant. She was with her other. I can't seem to catch a break. It hit me hard. Why has it hit me hard? It's been 7 months. What's wrong with me?

It's back. The confusion, the jitters, the fears and the dreams. She left me 7 months ago. A woman that many have told me was unique and amazing. I can't replace the void. I was doing fine for months. I felt stronger, faster, like I was reborn. I've volunteered to charities, gained much recognition at work, read book after book, gone back to school. I had accepted that someday I would die and that it would be without her by my side. Tonight I'm a mess. I saw her again and I've broken down. I ran to this site because I have nowhere else and no one else to reach for. I'm alone, and I was OK, for a while but then came the holidays. It seems like my depression started in late November. I've begun to have these wild dreams, of all my past relationships, past loves, past mistakes. I don't really sleep and when I do I dream those painful dreams of things I can't have. I'm craving alcohol again and I have no sponsor. Why is this happening? What's wrong with me? It's been 7 months and she's moved on. I actually saw her at a restaurant with her new man. I merely was getting take out for myself. She's radiant as ever and I'm in jeans with a stupid look on my face. When will it end? What's worse, is that I'm only now starting to realize that my whole social existence was always amplified by her. Everywhere I went I would be recognized and now I'm like a leper. I see others on this site, who move on so quickly. I see others where it takes years. I don't want it to be years.

She emailed me wanting to be friends a couple months back. I was cryptic and aloof. Her last email was praising me telling me how she saw me as a great individual but that we couldn't be together. She just wanted to be friends. I wrote back saying much but agreeing to little. I basically told her that I didn't have time for childish games and that it would take much time and effort to ever be friends. I was far from desperate and needy. I dare not seem like I miss her, I dare not seem like I'm weak, not to her. I'd rather die. I haven't heard from her. Is it consequential? I was tactically taunting her slightly. I even started the email off by saying "see I can still push your buttons" because I had slightly annoyed her. I had sent her a happy holidays message, much to my own chagrin, and haven't received any sort of reply. Now I'm talking like I want her back. The life I live now is so hard compared to when I was with her. When I was with her it was so easy and for some reason I was unhappy. I complained and I became a pathetic loser alcoholic. I didn't know better. I work so hard now. I try my best, even when my mood turns sour. What can I do to get rid of this feeling? I can't seem to make friends. It seems no one can understand me, and I wind up saying the wrong things, even though I try and be polite. I know everyone can't be an ahole, so that just implies I must be anti-social. I mean I try and be nice, witty, but it seems my charm has been reduced to rubble. I used to be the speaker at my company. I would attend high level meetings and not break a sweat. Now I'm a nervous wreck. When I was with her I never got sick. I've been sick a half dozen times including once with pneumonia. What's going on? Can someone relate?

Wow! 7 months?

You need to get rid of everything that reminds you of her. You also need to start doing physical exercise, as it helps you relax your mind. You don't need to join a gym, but if you do, there are usually TONS of single females there.

She's getting jollies knowing you are in agony and not moving on because of her. She is loving it. Your agony is making her life even better. Doesn't that bother you?

There is no way she will ever know that I am in agony. I'd rather die then let that be known. I take it from your shock, that 7 months seems to be a bit extraordinary when it comes to moving on. Not only am I working out like a machine, I'm running miles every day. I'm finding it hard to meet anyone that can even be held near the same league as her. It sucks.

I said it in the other thread but I'll say it here too: This chick is absolutely loving the fact that you can't get over her. Seeing you miserable and alone is making her stronger with every passing day.

You need to block her from your lists. Delete her numbers and emails. Throw away anything that you own that reminds you of her. Get rid of her completely.

Then after you do all that, you need to start running or doing ab excercises or something. Or join a gym! You won't be alone that way, and there are several people you will meet that will become friends or even more!

I am working out. I have my own private gym. Perhaps that's the problem. It's an office gym, and not many work out there. She doesn't know I'm in agony. Nor does she know anything more than, I've had much success in everything I've done since her. I don't let her see the awful truth. I don't know if she saw me at the restaurant. I just left. I didn't care to find out.

I can relate. There are some people who touch our lives in a very intense way. Then, they go away. In fact, we have been that person, or will be in our lifetime. It can echo in our souls for a long, long time. The worst it ever happened to me involved a guy who just understood more than I did at the time. I talked to him once on the phone later, what he said really helped. "Simone, we're just rookies in this life."

You are not alone! Dealing with the holidays, winter darkness and being outnumbered, (alcoholics are, whenever we are alone with ourselves) are all together a huge pill to swallow. Read page 449. Go to a meeting, as often as you can. Get a new sponsor. Do service work. Be supportive of newcomers.

"This too, shall pass."

I can relate, I've been there. I know that I'm just now really starting to heal after almost 9 months, but I also know that if I would run into my ex and his girl I would be in the same boat you are in right now.

I know that the holidays are bad enough, but I know to run into her the way you did made it worse. It's normal to feel that way, but you have to just try to keep moving forward with your life. This was only a stumbling block, don't allow it to ruin all the progress that you've made. Keep doing what you've been doing as far as charity work, and reading, and going to school. Those are all great things to do for yourself.

As far as craving alcohol, just keep telling yourself that it only serves to mask the pain for a brief amount of time. You don't need it! Work through the pain and you will come out the other side a much stronger person.

I never thought I would ever get over my ex, but I'm doing it now, and believe me as messed up as I was over my breakup, if I can heal ANYBODY can. Just keep hanging in there, it WILL get better, and We're all here to help you with that.

You ever hear the phrase... putting the p*ssy on the pedestal?

Well... you're putting her on the pedestal.

It's been... 2 weeks, almost 3 since my ex and I broke up. Being a college student, there's... really no end to single women, so that's not a big issue. Big issue is, yes... there is NO ONE that's as pretty as her, or as complete or perfect as the ex.

This is due to your emotional attachment. Make a list. It sounds shallow and childish, but at least make a mental list. Think of the good things she used to do, and think of the bad things she used to do. Trust me... there are others out there... that'll weigh out the same or better.

Was she really that perfect? Try thinking about some of the things you didn't like about her, stuff she did that irritated you, OR stuff that she wouldn't let you do or didn't like you doing. I remember I thought my ex was perfect after she left me... but looking back now, she was probably the worst mistake I've ever made, and seeing recent photos of the b***h has only proved me right :D
Which brings my next point, So you saw her and she looked 'Radient', That doesn't mean all is well in her life, Could have just been a hairstyle or new makeup . She could be miserable with that guy she's with. How do you know that her life is going well?

I never thought I would get over my ex, I thought she was perfect and that no one would ever compare... lol how wrong I was! Its been a good 5 months now and the only thing I regtret is getting into a relationship with her in the first place, I could have saved myself a lot of time and hurt. The thing is though when your in love with someone you cherish evrything about them... even there faults. Its been awhile since you guys have broken up, you should look back at not only the good things but the bad things about the relationship too, Cus now you've had more time, you'll see things differently.

As for the alcoholic bit, I was drinking nearly a whole bottle of JD's a day after she left me. And boy did that stuff mess me up, I became even more depressed and it hurt even more, to the point where I wanted to message her and message her till I got a response.

And I'm sure her life can't be going perfectly. And after my ex left me and I saw her a few weeks later, she looked good and happy which screwed me up even more. And my ex tried to tell me that she was having the perfect life after she left , BUT it turns out, the guy she left me for threw her out, she had abortion, lost her job and her house and now she's living with a friend in an un-decorated house without a computor :eek: . Then I get a message from a friend of hers telling me that my ex thinks I was the best thing that ever happened to her, which was a HUGE Ego boost :D point is, I spent months wreking myself thinking she was having the perfect life when really... she was being tattered and torn.

It is hard when your alone on holidays but alcohol won't help you, it only makes things worse, and it will eventually ruin all that you have worked hard for. Is this woman really worth all this pain?

Much luck to you dude!

No, she isn't.

Make yourself interesting so someone will appear who will know immediately and forever that you are the best thing that ever happened to her.

Radiance... could also be faked. Did she see you? Women love faking happiness with the new guy just to try to show that they're happy... to see if they can get a reaction out of you. Also, they fake happiness to tell themselves that they made the right choice with the new guy.

Don't sweat it. Just think. You're better off.

Also, don't try to "look" for women to take your mind off her. That can only end badly. Instead, look for other things to get your mind off her. And when you're not looking, that's when that brunette at the local coffee shop wants to talk to you... mainly because women are attracted to single guys who are confident on their own... and are turned off by raggedy guys that look somber that look around to see if anyone'll notice him.

Go join a gym, or get a buddy to join with you. Working out with friends leads to going out with other friends leads to meeting new people. Go for it.

EuRa said it: "You need to block her from your lists. Delete her numbers and emails. Throw away anything that you own that reminds you of her. Get rid of her completely."

Fight your old flame with a new flame. Get into group activities, book clubs, dance lessons, hiking/field trips; develop a social calendar and enhance your coping strategies; one day at a time, and you will become stronger with each day. Read and review the stickies at the beginning of "Relationships". Spend some time writing and commenting on this site about your experiences and those of others. It will help you.