My Bf and I have been together 5 years. Lived together 3.5, and have a 2 year old son. We have split up 3 times in the past for two months each time, and every time he swears he will change and he convinces me to come back. The problem: he doesn't have a job due to a layoff (okay, he still gets a unemployment check), but he does not help around the house. He sleeps as late as he wants, and when he wakes up he lays around, eats or if he gets bored, he leave and hangs out with friends. I work full-time M-F and our son goes to daycare. At night, after I cook dinner and our son goes to bed, he goes to shoot pool with another unemployed (single/still lives at home) friend and stays out until at LEAST midnight. When I say anything about this, he calls me selfish and childish and acuses me of trying to be his mother or a controlling . I tell him that all I want is for him to stay home with his family. I tell him it's okay to go out on the weekends sometimes but not EVERY NIGHT. The apartment is MINE. I pay rent and ALL the bills. All he pays is his cellphone, motorcycle, insurance, and $180/mo. To me for daycare. That's it. The money really isn't even the biggest issue, I just want respect. He was previously physically abusive and still verbally abusive. He's just a big bully and EVERYONE tells him this. He thinks he shouldn't have to listen to anyone. If anyone tells him that he's wrong he gets angry. BAD angry. We've been together since we were 16, and he never grew up. I think he must be "attached" to me, because this is NOT love. When I threaten to leave, he has a break down and sobs begging me to stay. He goes completely psycho! If I DO leave, he call honestly 150+ times a day. He comes by where ever I am. Begs me constantly just plain harassed me until I come back. It's stressful! He promises to change everything about himself... and does... for about 1 month, then everything's the same. It makes it hard since we have a son together to stay away from him. WHAT DO I DO? How do I finally end this for good?

Next time he is out doing what ever, put all of his clothes on the front porch and have a plan to get the locks changed at the same time. You could pin a note to the clothes telling him that when he gets off his lazy butt and gets a job, cleans up his act and starts acting like a man with a family instead of a child that you will CONSIDER taking him back! And stick to it. As you have found out from the past no matter how much he cries and pleads he is not going to change until he is forced to.

Do you have family that you could stay with for a few weeks?

If this man is physically/verbally abusive, you need to think of your safety and the safety of your daughter.

Get out of the house. Get your things, your daughter, and your keys and leave. Change your cell number and get help from your family or a good friend (that you can trust). This is going to be hard, but for your own safety, you need to leave.

NO ONE should treat you like this, or hold it over your head that he's going to go psycho when/if you leave. This is YOUR life.

Please, if nothing else, then for your daughter... get out of this relationship. FAST.

You really need to contact a shelter, and get referral to someone, that can help you make a plan to get you out of this situation, and can point you to the proper support system to carry it out. I wish you luck, and be careful.

I agree wit talaniman,

Go to a shelter these people have seen it all before and are trained to deal with it. No problem is too big or too small for them. If you find it hard remember that if you can't do if for yourself do it for your son. This is not a good environment for him to be growing up in and this man is NO rolemodel (by a long shot)

Best of Luck.

If it's her apartment I think she needs to stay. She needs to change the locks and get a restraining order against this guy. Kick him out and don't look back. You need someone better then this low life your with. Definitely seek out some help before something worse happens.

Its kind of tricky because you do have a child u needa look after, you need to consider his well being as well as your own. When is the lease of your apartment running out? If its soonish you could just not take out the apartment again and move near the date it runs out. Another thing is, if you have reported abusive tendencies to the police before, you could get him kicked out with help form the police. Either way. Because of these agresive tendencies, you would want some one there when he finds out.

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Originally Posted by Aym

He sleeps as late as he wants, and when he wakes up he lays around, eats or if he gets bored, he leave and hangs out with friends. I work full-time M-F and our son goes to daycare. At night, after I cook dinner and our son goes to bed, he goes to shoot pool with another unemployed (single/still lives at home) friend and stays out until at LEAST midnight. When I say anything about this, he calls me selfish and childish and acuses me of trying to be his mother or a controlling . ... The apartment is MINE. I pay rent and ALL the bills. All he pays is his cellphone, motorcycle, insurance, and $180/mo. to me for daycare.

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You are his defacto mother. Send him home to his real mother and let her deal with him. You absolutely must get this guy out of your life. He is mooching off you, he is abusive and scary, and if he is anything like my ex, he will start verbally abusing your son when your son is old enough to understand sarcasm and unkind remarks, around 3 or 4.

I agree about going to a shelter. They should help you get a restraining order--if that's the right move in this case--and generally evaluate how dangerous he is and what your plan should be. If he calls you all day and comes to your place of work he could get you fired or become dangerous. I read that the best person to evaluate how dangerous an abuser is is the woman--so look in your heart and ask yourself how afraid of him you really are. You know best how serious the threat is. I can guarantee though that when he realizes you are really serious about getting him out of your life and not taking care of him anymore--giving him free housing, cooking and cleaning for him, etc--he's going to be very angry. No one likes to lose a good deal. It's a great situation for him and he feels you owe it to him, that it's his due. He's not going to lose all that without a fight of some kind.

In general, give him a little information as possible. Anything you tell him he will find a way to use to hurt or manipulate you to get you back, or if he can't get you back, to punish you. He may even try to punish you through your son. So treat this seriously.

Do consult a battered women's shelter and consider staying there for a while with your son.

Good luck!

Wow, I just posted a question on my lazy & insecure boyf. Hy maybe they're related lol. I wouldn't know what to say considering my problem is pretty much equal to yours. Hope you are well and yr son is OK. That's the main thing, keep the boy safe!