So I've been dating my boyfriend for 1 1/2. It was one of those whirlwind, everything is perfect courtships. Except he started to become obsessed with know my past and insuring that I was a "good person". Why? He comes from an abusive and dysfunctional family background and wanted to insure that whomever he fell in love with was not like that. His mother was an abusive, adulteress, bipolar alcoholic. (I know her and have experienced her crazy) so I can understand why he wanted to be sure he can trust me.

Well, he insisted that we each tell everything about our sexual past. I don't have much to tell, I've been the typical "good girl" but told him about every boy I'd been with anyway. He made me promise that I told him everything, and he told me his past and promised that he held nothing back. I didn't even want to know everything, but since he felt he needed to confess, I heard him out.

Well, there was one thing I didn't say, but it had NOTHING to do with my past with guys, but I thought it was something he'd want to know. About 5 yrs ago I posed nude for an ART PHOTOGRAPHY class. It wasn't anything sexy, just a student group. I didn't tell him because 1. it wasn't what he asked about. 2. I was afraid of his reaction. I felt bad and a couple months later I told him about it. He was very hurt and felt I had lied to him and wasn't honest. He felt like he didn't know who I was etc. I didn't see it that way, it's not what he asked about, but since we were getting more serious I decided he should know. He almost broke up with me, until I apologized and promised that I had told everything.
Everything was going amazing great until yesterday when he told me he had a confession to make: When he was 20 (about ten years ago) he went to Amsterdam with some buddies and did it up at the red light district, I guess he slept with 5 prostitutes in total while he was there and did a lot of drugs. I knew he had a history with drugs and women, and surprisingly enough I'm not that upset that he slept with those women, but I'm so hurt that he lied for over a year, and made me feel so bad about taking some art pics! He put me through the ringer to prove I was "moral" several times, but all this time he was hiding this very big thing. What's worse is, he didn't ask him to confess his past, he VOLUNTEERED and then PROMISED that he told me everything. Why would he create a situation in which he had to lie? Why not just say "forget the past"? Should I forgive him? Am I the hypocrite? I don't think he is a perv or anything, he's the sweetest man I've ever known, and until now I thought he was the most honest and pure-hearted as well.

Seems his behaviour is influenced by his past family background. He has indeed kept you in dark.. but surprisingly his sleeping with women does not seem to have any impact on you! Also you want to forget the past.. so what else is remaining that is bothering you?

His shame made him lie, and you either forgive and understand, or make this a deal breaker.

You know, when people are overly concerned about what you have been doing... its usually a sense of guilt that drivers their behavior. They hate to think that you could be doing all of the crap they have been doing and hiding it as successfully as they have.

The guilty normally is the best accuser.

I think that because he feels guilty and ashamed at his past that he is so paranoid about it that he believes that everyone has things to hide. Which leads to him wanting to know absolutely EVERYTHING about you so that his own insecurities are mended. If he breaks up with you he will be doing you a favor, that type of psychological behavior is very self destruction and it can be passed on indirectly to affect other aspects of your life.

Good luck,
Javi