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    He says he needs time and space

    Asked Sep 26, 2006, 07:49 AM 69 Answers
    I am a single mom of 3 small kids. I have been seeing this guy (whose 27 I am 32)that works with me for about 3 months. Everything was going great we saw each other everyday now all of a sudden he says he needs time and space. Doesn't want me calling him or anything I am not sure what is going on. I am trying to give him space but at the same time I am not understanding what is going on. Someone please help me understand. Does he have someone else or what. What does it really mean when a guy tells you they need space??

    Last edited by dancingtwins; Sep 26, 2006 at 08:13 AM.
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    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,583, Reputation: 435
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    #41

    Sep 29, 2006, 08:00 AM
    Good for you - he flaked on you big time. That's GREAT you said you wouldn't wait - no one should be plan B.

    He better get his act together quick. I advise looking for Mr. Right - this guy turned into Mr. Right now.



    Seriously - last time a gal said that to me she was trying to date another guy. Just my thoughts. Luckily I wasn't that into her. She did come back, but I said no.
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    dancingtwins's Avatar
    dancingtwins Posts: 54, Reputation: 10
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    #42

    Sep 29, 2006, 09:45 AM
    I think that is what he is wanting to do... I told him that it is his lose
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    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,583, Reputation: 435
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    #43

    Sep 29, 2006, 09:54 AM
    Yeah - something isn't right here.
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    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #44

    Sep 29, 2006, 11:52 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by dancingtwins
    He emailed me this morning and said that we haven't broken up he just needs some time and space. I told him I wasn't going to wait on him...
    When I read your original post I didn't get the impression you two were exclusive. So to read this one it makes me think he's just trying to keep you as a back up plan.
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    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,473, Reputation: 760
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    #45

    Sep 29, 2006, 06:12 PM
    It could mean any of a number of things. Either way, just give him the space he says he needs and go on living your life. As they say, there's plenty of fish in the ocean. Go out and catch yourself some.
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    dancingtwins's Avatar
    dancingtwins Posts: 54, Reputation: 10
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    #46

    Oct 10, 2006, 01:22 PM
    Well it has been over a week and out of the blue he emails me today wanting to go to lunch with me We went to lunch and casually talked. What is going on?
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    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,583, Reputation: 435
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    #47

    Oct 10, 2006, 02:07 PM
    He wants his cake and eat too.

    Be careful here - go SLOW. Don't rush into anything.

    + he's a 27 year old guy - he's not rerady for any type of seriosu relationship.
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    dancingtwins's Avatar
    dancingtwins Posts: 54, Reputation: 10
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    #48

    Oct 10, 2006, 02:08 PM
    I am going slow. I am going out with another guy Sat night just as friends. I am not sitting at home waiting on him to come back to me. If he does decide that he wants to come back he will work to get me back.
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    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,583, Reputation: 435
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    #49

    Oct 11, 2006, 08:07 AM
    Perfect - going out with someone for laughs will help give you a new perspective.
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    dancingtwins's Avatar
    dancingtwins Posts: 54, Reputation: 10
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    #50

    Oct 11, 2006, 09:31 AM
    It will also let me know if it is him that I really want...
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    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,583, Reputation: 435
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    #51

    Oct 11, 2006, 10:13 AM
    Here's the deal - going forward - you need to tell him what YOU NEED. Take control of the relationship. No more hot and cold from this guy. Tell him your wants from him. Becareful though - you need your share of the power in the relationship.
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    dancingtwins's Avatar
    dancingtwins Posts: 54, Reputation: 10
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    #52

    Oct 11, 2006, 11:46 AM
    One day he is all lovey dovey the next he is cold. He told me yesterday that he missed me and my kids. That he loves me but he just needs more space to make sure it wasn't just a lust thing. Why do guys do this...
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    momincali's Avatar
    momincali Posts: 641, Reputation: 242
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    #53

    Oct 11, 2006, 12:36 PM
    Frankly, lots of guys will start to really like a gal, but, then comes the reality that she has kids and that's kind of where they freeze. They're not sure if they can do the whole package. It's fun for a while, but kid's always make it a much more serious affair.

    For the sake of your kids, keep your distance. They don't need this hot cold thing from this guy. Kids have a way of internalizing what is going on and I don't want them thinking that they did something wrong and that is why he isn't coming around anymore.

    He needs to grow up, sounds like he's not mature enough to handle this type of relationship. I wouldn't bring my kids around any man unless I knew he was a keeper, and he felt the same way, they don't need the confusion and the feeling of loss.
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    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,583, Reputation: 435
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    #54

    Oct 11, 2006, 12:47 PM
    Can't rate you Mom... but yes - huge sign of imatuirty. He's too young.
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    SINGLE4's Avatar
    SINGLE4 Posts: 189, Reputation: 33
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    #55

    Oct 11, 2006, 01:13 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by momincali
    I wouldn't bring my kids around any man unless I knew he was a keeper, and he felt the same way, they don't need the confusion and the feeling of loss.
    I 100% agree with this! Kids get attached to "boyfriends/girlsfriends" and then when there is a break up... they get them ripped away! They think it is something they did to scare them off! I know because I am 32 years old and was with a man for 3 years and he broke up with me! My daughter who was 10 years old at the time, thought is was because of something she did or because she was around! It is hard to see kids go through this and I will never do that to her again... never!

    A hard lesson learned!
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    dancingtwins's Avatar
    dancingtwins Posts: 54, Reputation: 10
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    #56

    Oct 11, 2006, 01:17 PM
    Lessoned learned this time too. I will make sure he is a keeper before I introduce another guy to my kids
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    dancingtwins's Avatar
    dancingtwins Posts: 54, Reputation: 10
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    #57

    Oct 12, 2006, 02:06 PM
    :confused: UPDATE!!
    Yesterday was his birthday (27) I didn't call him or email him or anything. He emails me yesterday afternoon wanting to met at his house for a booty call after work. I told him that I would be NOONE's booty call that I had more respect for myself than that and he should have more respect for me than that. I told him to grow up and when he was finished playing games call me and we could see where we both are in our lives.
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    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,583, Reputation: 435
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    #58

    Oct 12, 2006, 02:30 PM
    Wow - what a jerk. What a jerk.

    Maybe time to forget this guy?
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    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #59

    Oct 12, 2006, 03:28 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by dancingtwins
    One day he is all lovey dovey the next he is cold. He told me yesterday that he missed me and my kids. That he loves me but he just needs more space to make sure it wasn't just a lust thing. Why do guys do this....
    Women do this too. Either way, I think he's trying to toy with you.
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    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,583, Reputation: 435
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    #60

    Oct 12, 2006, 03:49 PM
    I don't think he's that into you obviously. Time for a new guy.
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