My girlfriend has been lying to me.. need advice/help!
Ok, I am so lost and confused and need major help, as this is the most screwed up position I have EVER been in. Me and my girlfriend have been together for a couple of months now. Well, we decided to get a place together (I know.. possible mistake since we weren't together for too long... which I found out was possibly a BIG mistake). Anyway, before we moved, a friend of mine had some "suspisions" about her... saying that she was cheating on me with her ex. I knew that she was hanging out with her ex still because she is in to racing and so is he. That didn't bother me because I still hang out with my ex occasionally, and my girlfriend knows about it. Well, my friend apparently overheard them say "I love you" to each other one night at a race and that they were hanging all over each other (my friend went with them one night.. I couldn't go because I was at work). Well, I asked her about it, and she denied everything. My friend had been wrong about "suspisions" in the past and has made things up... so, I "trusted" my girlfriend. I thought, besides, why would she do that in front of my friend when she knows he would tell me about it?
So, me and her move in to our new place. Well, despite my "trust", I was curious about what her and her ex were talking about online on Yahoo messenger, so even though I told myself I'd never go in to someone's private messages, I did anyway. I got on her computer and checked her Yahoo message archives. I found the conversations between my girlfriend and her ex, and what do I see? I see the phrase "I love you" MULTIPLE times said by both of them to each other! I was FURIOUS! I also saw some stuff about them getting married next year, basically they were still "together", even though she told me that they were broken up. So, at this point, I am so disoriented and dazed. But, it's not proof that she is physically cheating on me. She did promise me in the past that she would let me know when she was going to be at a function/get-together and he would be there. Well, their conversations also showed multiple times that they hung out at HIS place, went out to dinner, etc... and those times are on the weekends, and I work overnight on the weekends, and sleep weekend nights. Well, she has always told me she was going to hang out with some friends while I was at work. So, at this point, I am seeing nothing but lies to me!!
Well, I wanted soooo bad to confront her about it, but at the same time, I went through her message archives after I told her I trusted her. So, I told her that a mutual friend had talked to me online one night and said that my girlfriend and her ex were in fact still together, etc. Of course, she denies everything. SHe called her ex right in front of me and basically chewed him out telling him to find out who the hell it was that talked to me, and telling him (her ex) to leave us (myself and her) alone! So, I am trying to figure this out... I was soooo confused She also mentioned to me that she was still trying to get "her" money from him, and the messages on Yahoo show that he was getting a loan for her (which happened to be about the same amount that she told me he still had of hers).. yet another lie. So, I was thinking maybe she is trying to milk everything out of him that she can? A couple of days later, I get an email from her ex (he found my name through yahoo) introducing himself her fiancé, saying that he was sorry about all of this and that this has all made "their" relationship harder. Ok, so I confronted her about it and she was pissed.. at him. SHe has always called him a pathological lier and said that he is just trying to get her back,, blah blah.
It's weird... she has always showed nothing but love towards me.. I would have NEVER known anything if I didn't look through her archives, and sometimes I wish I never did. I am currently blinded by love, and it stinks.
I was basically starting to get sick of all of it and was going to confront her about me looking through her archives, etc. But, here's where the big kicker comes in. Not too long ago, she comes to me and tells me she is pregnant. I was actually thrilled because I have wanted a kid for a long time. So, now I'm really lost and confused. What do I do? I never thought I'd be one to had a child, and not be with someone... I DON'T want that! So, I let it go a few more days. Me and her went to the doctor and got her ultrasound and all. SHe's not even 2 months along, and me and her have been together for almost 3 months. Well, shortly after that, she got depressed about something (I won't get in to what about), and I also had made her mad about something.. and she needed some time to herself. So she left for a while. While she was gone, I receive a phone call on our house phone... it was her EX! He said that she was worried about her (apparently she had called him or something). Well, he goes on about how he was worried about her, and started talking about how she "broke up" with him the week before, and also that she told him about the pregnancy, saying "congratulation, you're going to be a daddy". I was shaking... I was at a loss for words. He asked if me and her were seeing each other, and I was so disoriented at this point that I remember saying yes we are seeing each other, but I didn't tell him how long. I wish I would have!! He knew nothing of me, except that I was a friend of "his fiance"... this is what I gathered from the message archives as well. So, anyway, he asked me to have her call him when she gets home. SHortly afterwards she gets home and calls him. They end up arguing... very loudly,, her telling him to stay away from her and leave her alone. So, I asked her about what he had said to me, and of course she called him a lier, etc... saying that he was JUST telling her that he WISHES he was the daddy.
Ok, so after this long story, here's what it boils down to. She is no longer with him at this point, BUT he thinks that the child is his. If he in fact knows how far along she is, then yes, she was cheating me if he thinks the child is his. Here is where I need help. At this point, I want to tell her that I know everything! I want to tell her that I KNOW she has been lying to me this whole time! I would confront her, except there is going to be a child in the picture soon. One thing that was suggested to me was to ask the doctor to figure out the date of conception for me. If the conception date is on a weekend, then the kid is not mine (we have never had sex on the weekends, mainly because of my work schedule). But I don't know how accurate that would be, plus if my girlfriend found out, I'd just have to confront her anyway. I guess my question is... should I wait to find out if the child is mine before I say anything, or should I just tell her now that I know everything. Her ex is out of the picture now as far as them seeing each other, and I could just let things go as if nothing ever happened, and she apparently wants me to be the dad since I am the one going to the doctor with her and whatnot. But then again, this whole thing was proof that trust is going to be an issue. I am so blind-sided because we fell in love with each other so early... but then again I wonder if her "love" for me is also a lie? The only thing holding me back from telling her that I know she has been lying to me, is the fact that we have a 1 year lease at this house (both names on the lease), and there is a child on the way. I am so lost and confused. :confused: