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-   -   Girlfriend of 5 years left me to see other people (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=726203)

  • Jan 5, 2013, 04:00 AM
    Budman4558
    Girlfriend of 5 years left me to see other people
    Okay where do I start? Well I'm 23 and she is 22. After 5 years she left me to see other guys. Yes we did meet in high school and yes I was her "first everything", however she was not my 1st everything. She told me she hated my job because I couldn't be there every holiday with her at her family's house. She said I never gave her space, which is not true because during the day I'm at work and even when I'm home she still did all things she wanted to do. I was always there for her when she needed to vent, cry, etc.

    Her family never liked me, but I never let that get to me, I still sucked it up and saw them with her. I just don't understand. I'm so lost. She said we were 2 different people, which is true but that's what made it work. I had a rough child hood and she didn't. My parents split at 14 I've had a job ever since... she on the other hand had it all. I'm introverted and she isn't. She is ditzy and I'm not. It worked!! Her friends wanted what we had. When she went off to college I was the one to pay her way, not her parents. I did everything emotionally, physically, and financially happy. I never asked for anything in return, and if I do it was the occasional weekend where I didn't want to do anything because I was tired from work. My job is very physical.

    It hurts for me to accept that she left to see other people. Like what did I do wrong, I don't get it. I haven't slept well the past nine days. I'm trying to let go. I haven't tried to make contact because I don't want to push her away. I have this hole in my chest. I'm trying to understand but I have no one to turn to for advice. Should I move on, should I wait? She said I haven't lost her forever but she wants to see what else is out there. What should I do and what did I do wrong?


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  • Jan 5, 2013, 05:09 AM
    Jiser
    Hey there is nothing but time and no contact which will heal your wounds.

    The breakup of my first relationship at 20 destroyed me but spurred me on to change parts of my life. It took me along time to move on and it was six years till I found another relationship and the breakup of that has bought me back here again. Not saying there wernt otherwomen in between though of course. So the point is it takes time and replacing the space where she was in your life will take time to. You must fill the space in your life with new things. New hobbies, meeting new people.

    I tried the being friends thing it didn't work. It hurt for me to see her with other men. So again don't try being friends until you can honestly say you have moved on. Friends with ex's can work but you need time away from each other and its always best to never burn bridges if you can help it.

    So what can you do right now?
    Go to the gym and make yourself more desirable and healthy. Every time she pops into your head think of something negative about her or simply move onto something else. Think of where you want to be in your career etc and how you will get there.

    Be strong!
  • Jan 5, 2013, 04:43 PM
    Budman4558
    Shy
    My girlfriend just left me after 5 years to be single and explore. I letting it go because I know it won't ever come back. I'm 23... But when I do recover and regroup and all that good stuff, I just realized that I'm a very shy guy. So when I am ready how do I try to get out there? I'm not the type of guy to go out to bars and clubs... I've lost almost ally friends because of her. So where and how would I begin to so this??
  • Jan 5, 2013, 04:47 PM
    teacherjenn4
    How did you lose all of your friends because of her?
  • Jan 5, 2013, 04:52 PM
    Budman4558
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by teacherjenn4 View Post
    How did you lose all of your friends because of her?

    I've sent a post earlier this morning about it... It'll be easier if you read it... I'm still new to this place but it has been helping a lot this past week
  • Jan 5, 2013, 04:58 PM
    teacherjenn4
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Budman4558 View Post
    I've sent a post earlier this morning about it.... It'll be easier if you read it... I'm still new to this place but it has been helping a lot this past week

    I read it, but didn't see anything about losing friends. Sounds like she used you to support her. My advice, keep busy. Get out and find a place to volunteer. You don't have to do anything but give up some time. Senior homes are great. You can volunteer to fill packages for soldiers, feed the homeless, or? Feeling better about your life will start by helping others less fortunate than you.
  • Jan 5, 2013, 05:11 PM
    Budman4558
    Trying figure out how to word this bare with me... I wouldn't say she used me, but she let my job get to her. She was a very attention needy girl and as far as the friends I had... She had issues with them, I hung with a rough bunch! So I had to make regretful sacrifices.
  • Jan 6, 2013, 07:16 AM
    Budman4558
    Ex girlfriend couldn't get off
    Ok I have a question that has been bothering me for the past 5 years... Now she left me to see other people, but the problem we had in our sex life was that she did not know how to even get herself there. She's 22, I was her first but I was she was not my first. I've tried just about everything I can do. Every women is different this I know. I suggested she explore her body by herself so that way she can show me what she likes. I felt like I had so much pressure on me because she didn't even like to Try herself out. I've suggested toys, foreplay, I mean everything. I'm starting to think that she left me for the wrong reason. And let me make it clear she liked to have sex all the time, her drive was up there. So I mean is if she can't do it herself why put so much pressure on?
  • Jan 6, 2013, 07:34 AM
    tickle
    I guess she put so much pressure on because she found her situation of not being able to orgasm extremely frustrating. Maybe she knew that if she found she liked masturbating to orgasm, that it would come too predictable to her and vaginal intercourse would not satisfy her.
  • Jan 6, 2013, 07:45 AM
    Budman4558
    But is really my fault? Mean I'm willing to try all kinds of things, but if she couldn't do it herself how is that going to help the next guy?
  • Jan 6, 2013, 07:50 AM
    tickle
    No, it isn't actually your fault. But why worry about this after five years.
  • Jan 6, 2013, 08:01 AM
    Budman4558
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by tickle View Post
    No, it isnt actually your fault. But why worry about this after five years.

    True, just wanted an opinion... all this happens recently. I find that being at this place helps a lot. Thank you
  • Jan 6, 2013, 05:31 PM
    talaniman
    I doubt it was anything you did, it was her, and she wanted to explore, and experiment like most young people do. You did at one time, so now its her turn.

    Still sucks, all break ups do for whatever reasons.

    PS, be easier if you kept the story in one place. I know you are new, and have many questions. Rebuilding after a long term relationship is one helluva challenge. We all have been there and it does get better. That hole in your soul will be filled with new people and experiences soon.

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